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The Abdominal Snowman

Posted in Mark Malkoff, Matt Warren, My Damn Channel, New Media with tags Mark Malkoff, My Damn Channel, six-pack abs, MattheW on 6/2/2011 12:13:38 PM by Matt Warren

Do you dream of the perfect body?  Do you lay in bed surrounded by the detritus of your junk food addiction, fantasizing about peeling off your too-tight, slightly wet T-shirt to reveal a glistening, tanned torso sculpted to Wahlbergian perfection?  Do you pine for abs so flawless that the Situation himself would throw himself under the nearest party bus at the mere sight of them?  The answer, of course, is yes.  We all do.  And we all want it to happen RIGHT NOW.

But is it really possible to go from abpocalypse to abparadise in a mere thirty days?  Well, My Damn Channel's resident sociologist/trickster god Mark Malkoff has done EXACTLY THAT, going from flab to fab in record time in this two-part video experiment.

The secret to his success?  Diet, excercise, and enough hard boiled eggs to shame even Cool Hand Luke.  So let Mark school you in the art of getting stupid cut and watch.  Nutritionists say that clicking "play" just once can burn up to 1,200 calories.*

*(estimated)


Versailles, Tweeted

Hey look, people are saying nice things about our new series Versailles! In 140 characters or less! People like Fred Willard, Gayle King, Oscar Blandi, and Chris Kattan!


Give Birth to Laughter



You know that stern, older woman who lived in your house when you were growing up?  The one who cooked all your meals, did your laundry, and threw away all the porno she found under your bed while vacuuming? The woman who always got into lengthy shouting matches with your father over finances, and who spent long afternoon after long afternoon quietly sitting on the couch, surrounded by the chaos of her household, drinking zinfandel and staring off into the middle distance? Remember her?

That was Ms. Ana, your nanny.

The woman who paid Ms. Ana to do all those things was your mother. And guess what Sunday is? That’s right: Mother’s Day.

What’s that? You demand My Damn Channel videos with an extremely tenuous link to a Mothers’ Day theme? Well don’t worry, YOU WILL NOT BE DENIED.

Everyone’s favorite newly-minted American, Gigi, falls for a very pretty, very pregnant library patron, played by Gigi star Josh Gad’s real-life wife, Ida Darvish.

Two grown children of an eccentric, mostly awful dead actress try to figure out what made their mom tick in the new series Versailles, premiering Monday!

And last but not least, David Wain shoves a new mother to the ground and tries to drown her baby. Spoilers.

So show a little respect, you little shit, and send the old crone a card. Who knows? Maybe she’ll write you back into the will after all.


¿Como se dice "Horrible People"?



As you’ve no doubt already been told by your desktop widget and/or angry landlord, today is the 5th of the month. That’s right: 5/5, aka Cinco de Mayo. It’s the one night of year your nightly routine of putting on a Lucha Libre mask, drinking an entire bottle of tequila, and watching telenovelas for 18 straight hours can actually be considered a progressive nod toward multiculturalism, so live it up! So don't be afraid to strap on the sombrero and drunkenly fumble your way through an all-bongo version of “Oye Como Va.” And don’t worry if your girlfriend flees the room in tears, that just means that you’re awesome! And no My Damn Channel show is more telenovela-y than current head writer on Late Night With Jimmy Fallon, A.D. Miles’s awesome “Horrible People,” starring Mather Zickel, Kristen Schaal, Jo Lo Truglio, and a ton of other way cool people. So get yourself a nice cool glass of horchata, pour it out, grab a beer instead, and watch the first episode here.


Here Comes the Bride

If you woke up this morning with an extra spring in your step and a little bit of a glow about you, fear not.  It's not a brain tumor (probably)—you're just basking in the glorious psychic afterglow of the Royal Wedding!  I mean, like, OMG, right?

Yes, there's nothing more romantic than a photogenic young commoner being hand-selected by the Illuminati and served up on a silver platter for review and approval by the future king's cadre of clucking, hunchbacked toadies as they strum lutes and swill peasants' blood from pewter goblets.  At least that's how I presume it works.  I don't know.  I'm an American.

But regardless, My Damn Channel is using this opportunity to "say yes to the dress" and provide you with one each of the following:

Something old...

The first ever episode of 'You Suck at Photoshop.'

Something new...

The latest trailer for the new series 'Versailles,' starring Patricia Heaton.

Something borrowed...

Not ours, but still hilarious: a break dancer kicks a baby in the face.

And something blue...

Andy Milonakis's 'Red Blue.'  That works, I guess.

So say "I do" to these videos or forever hold your peace.  Also, don't forget to send the happy young couple something nice.  I'm pretty sure they're registered at Pottery Barn.


(S)he is Risen!

Happy Friday, everyone!  As you know, this weekend marks the annual celebration of very solemn and important holiday; a time to gather with friends and family and reflect on what it means to be an upright, moral person in this chaotic, modern world.  That's right, it's Sherri Shepherd's birthday.

And to commemorate the comedienne’s 44nd, we'd like to point you toward two of the best Celebrity Autobiographies ever, featuring Sherri reading books by Madonna, which she handles solo, and by Destiny's Child, in which she's joined by comedy superheroes Mario Cantone and Jackie Hoffman.

So don't forget to toast this legendary funnywoman the way God intended: by eating yourself stupid on Cadbury Creme eggs.


"Touch My Junk" for Kids

In case you haven't heard, the TSA is now giving pat-downs to six-year-olds.  And while we admire the TSA's consistency, we can't help but wonder if this is one of those times when common sense could have prevailed and an exception perhaps been made.  I'm guessing the biggest threat poised by the girl in the video is the possibility of getting roped into a hyperactive, one-sided conversation about Justin Beiber.  God, kids will not SHUT UP about that guy.

Nevertheless, maybe instead of wasting their time with Journey, the kids of PS22 should brace themselves for the realities of modern air travel and instead do a cover of Harry Shearer's "Touch My Junk."  In fact, I can't think of one single reason why this might be a bad idea.  Oh wait, I just thought of about five-hundred.  Never mind.


Book of Mormon Sweepstakes

So if you're here on My Damn Channel reading this blog, then you're OBVIOUSLY in the top 1% of cultured Americans, fingers no doubt coated with ink from the latest New York Times book review, the scent of a well-aged Malbec still lingering in your nostrils from last night's upscale wine tasting.

And you're undoubtedly a lover of the finer things in life: air travel, social satire, Broadway musicals.  Lucky for you, we've rolled all of your interests into one amazing sweepstakes opportunity.  In honor of My Damn Channel's new show Gigi, we're flying one lucky winner to New York to see the new hit musical The Book of Mormon, created by Trey Parker and Matt Stone, and starring Gigi himself, Josh Gad.

So put down your Chaucer, readjust your monocle, and head on over to our Facebook page to enter for your chance to win.  And what the hell, here's the Gigi trailer again.  YOU'RE WELCOME.


April Fools' Day Fools

It's April 1st today, aka April Fools' Day, aka the most frustrating day of the year.  It's the only day of the year when the average U.S. citizen gets to experience all the perks of being a paranoid schizophrenic: not trusting anyone, disbelieving your own eyes, thinking everyone is out to get you, etc.  It's a total nightmare.

But we assume that you, the loyal Night Feed reader, is, on average, WAY too smart to fall for any of that type of shenanigoats.  So instead of insulting your intelligence, we just thought we'd point you toward this great prank from our pals over at Stella, and remind you that David Wain's Wanderlust will be in theaters later this year.

And while we're at it, why not check in with the goings-on over at Back on Topps, Horrible People, and Status Kill?  Hopefully they'll make you feel a little bit better about your own foolishness.  Zots and Crambles!


Josh Gad, reviewed

Hopefully by now you've had a chance to Speak, Learn English and Donate Good Cause with everyone's favorite new cousin from the old world, Gigi. And surely you've heard about the new Broadway hit "The Book of Mormon," from South Park creators Trey Parker and Matt Stone, which just happens to star one Mr. Josh Gad, the man behind Gigi.

According to the Hollywood Reporter, Josh "may be giving the single funniest, most endearing performances on Broadway." And Variety says Josh plays his part "with a nervous cackle and the gentility of a young John Belushi." Not too shabby coming from two of entertainment reporting's most enduring and respected publications.

Want to hear what Josh has to say about getting involved in "The Book of Mormon?" Then check out his interview in this Entertainment Weekly interview.

But maybe you don't live near Broadway, or can't get tickets. Don't worry, 'cause Josh is here on My Damn Channel every week as Gigi. So tell your friends, tell your family, and tell your huddled masses yearning to breathe free..


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My Damn Channel is an entertainment studio and distributor of premium content, founded in 2007. The company creates original series for the Internet and television – including comedy, unscripted reality and live variety programming featuring established and emerging talent. My Damn Channel has produced hundreds of hours of original, critically-acclaimed and award-winning programming.

Our online video distribution network empowers cross-promotion across MyDamnChannel.com, YouTube, and other online, mobile and IPTV platforms. The company also creates branded entertainment and targeted distribution campaigns for major advertisers. My Damn Channel is a division of Omnivision Entertainment, launched in 2014 by Founder/CEO, Rob Barnett and Co-Founder/President, Warren Chao.

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