
Mark Malkoff's done it again.
The Apple Store. We've all been there. We have iPhones and iPads and iPods and MacBooks and MacBook Airs and MacBook Pros that need purchasing and servicing and updating and repair. We need software and Genius Bars and One to One help and Workshops about Final Cut Pro. And sometimes-- let's face it-- we just need to hang out in an air conditioned place with free internet access during a heatwave.
And those Apple Store employees, bless their hearts, never ever reprimand you for hogging that 17-inch MacBook Pro display even though everyone can see that you're just playing Words With Friends.
But what if Darth Vader needed help with his iPhone? Would an Apple Employee just go about business as usual and ask him for his email?
Well, okay. Fine. Sure. Of course Darth Vader has email. But what if Mark Malkoff ordered a pizza? Or brought
his wife in for a romantic dinner date? Or what if he brought a GOAT into the store? What then?
We'll let you
watch the video for yourself to see what happens. But the next time you find yourself killing time in an Apple Store pretending to check your email for 30 minutes but really just playing Angry Birds, maybe tell one of those Apple Store employees, "Thanks for being so cool, man. May the force be with you." And he might think you're weird, but he's probably still just gonna let you do your thing.

(*Actual product will most likely look nothing like this. Also, wings not included.)
Lately, My Damn Channel swag has been flying off the shelves and onto people's bodies at an alarming rate. It seems like everyone wants a new T-shirt in their hands (or on their torso, at least.) After all, who wouldn't want a slice of pie from the larger bakery that is the world of My Damn Channel paraphernalia?
Take My Damn Channel viewser JustNeph... please! When we asked folks to tweet at us with the phrase "I want #MyDamnPen!" Neph responded. And we didn't let his plea fall on deaf ears, hooking him up with not one but TWO My Damn Channel pens, and a MY DAMN CHANNEL STICKER.

And here's our pal Dom Galati donning a sharp new My Damn Channel tee...

And if you want your very own My Damn Channel shirt, you can follow Rocky Rector's example and be the one this week to get the most friends to sign up for our ongoing Versailles sweepstakes. Additional info is here.

Go ahead and sign yourself up, while you're at it. Winner gets a free trip for two to L.A. to meet Versailles (watch it!) co-stars and creators Patricia Heaton and David Hunt. There's only one week left to enter, so if you need to, now would be a good time to buy a working mouse.
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My Damn Channel on 6/21/2011 9:48:49 AM by Matt Warren
We'd like to issue this public service announcement to encourage you to check out the
Versailles Sweepstakes happening over on our
Facebook page, and to emphasize the fact that people really do win with My Damn Channel.
Don't believe us?
Ask Sharon Cruz-Nichols (and hubby), winners of our
Book of Mormon sweepstakes, who are flying to New York THIS VERY WEEK to watch
Gigi star Josh Gad in Broadway's most talked-about new musical,
The Book of Mormon. Here's a picture of the lucky couple...
Holy shirt! Speaking of, here's
YouTuber ImpactAssault looking classically debonair in basic My Damn Channel black...
And if you wanna to take a video or snap a pic of yourself doing something cool in My Damn Channel gear,
send it in. We'll post it on the blog and give you a shout out.
Don't have a shirt? Well, you could just win one.
How?
Glad you asked! Starting THIS WEEK we'll be giving away a
free My Damn Channel t-shirt to the person who gets the most friends to enter the
Versailles Sweepstakes (see how I tied that all together?) We'll give away t-shirts
each week for the next three weeks. Thanks for entering, and see you in L.A.!
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Meet A Celebrity on 6/14/2011 9:41:20 AM by Matt Warren

Thanks to the magic of the internet, every episode of the "You're in Sports" gang's regret-and-gin-soaked shenanigoats is available for free and forever on our Versailles channel, thus completely negating the need to fake your own death and move to a new city under an assumed identity. Besides, such a mad plan would be doomed to failure. If there's anything Evelyn Anders & Co. have taught us, it's that escape from one's past is impossible.
But what's NOT impossible is a chance to actually meet Versailles stars Patricia Heaton (Evelyn) & David Hunt (Colin) in Los Angeles.
How? By entering the Versailles Sweepstakes Giveaway on our Facebook page!
Here's the deal: "like" us on Facebook, then enter as many times as you want to increase your chances of winning.
Plus, every time someone else enters the sweepstakes after YOU invite them, you get THREE ADDITIONAL ENTRIES.
And while you're at it, go ahead and "like" our official Versailles Facebook pages for a full FIVE ADDITIONAL ENTRIES. It's almost obscene how many chances we're giving you to win this.
Complete, lawyer-y entry information can be found here. And follow us on Twitter to keep up to date with all the latest sweepstakes info.
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contest on 6/10/2011 10:00:00 AM by Matt Warren

Hot on the heels of last week's National Donut Day, today marks yet another charmingly inane "holiday" celebrating yet another piece of contemporary bric-a-brac. I'm talking, or course, about National Ball Point Pen Day! So fire up your out-of-office reply function, put on your party shirt, and cut out of work early. You don't want to be late for the parade, and besides, those Bic-themed cocktails down at the National Ball Point Pen Day barbeque aren't gonna drink themselves. Just be safe out there. You know how drivers are on BPP Day.
And in the spirit of the season, we're giving away some free My Damn Channel promotional pens over on our Twitter, Tumblr, and Facebook. Nothing to scoff at, especially since it's been well-established that pen > sword = mightier. Click the links for a chance to win. What's that you say? How DARE you insinuate that this is all just a cheap ploy to unload the huge surplus of pens we ordered to give away at our 4th birthday party on Monday. Who cares that there are boxes full of My Damn Channel pens piled floor-to-ceiling in our offices, creating a fire hazard that will likely kill us all. That's no reason to read anything duplicitous into this whole free pen giveaway thing. You guys are acting crazy.
So happy holidays. Don't forget to send your mom a card.
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bonus material on 6/9/2011 10:25:44 AM by Matt Warren

Season One of My Damn Channel's hit show Gigi: Almost American may have come to an end, but that doesn't mean everyone's favorite pie-eyed foreigner is MIA. On the contrary, each Wednesday will see the debut of new Gigi-related bonus material. Sort of like a DVD extra, except, you know, on your computer. You can stretch your throat muscles with a little Gigi theme song karaoke, or bop along to Episode 2's bouncy, '80's-inspired "Squirt Gun" (free download included!). There are also outtakes, promos, and interviews galore—everything you need for your Elks Club's next Gigi: Almost American theme party. And look out for more in the weeks to come.
And since we're talking about Gigi, we'd like to take this opportunity to wish our pal Josh Gad good luck this Sunday at the Tony Awards. The Gigi creator/star is up for Best Lead Actor in a Musical for his awesome work in Trey Parker & Matt Stone's The Book of Mormon. BOM is also up for Best Musical, Best Original Score, Supporting Actor, Supporting Actress, Direction, Choreography, Orchestration, Scenic Design, Costume, Lighting, and Sound. I mean holy shit, right? That's a lot of nominations. Break a leg, Elders!
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gigi on 3/25/2011 10:46:38 AM by Matt Warren

Hopefully by now you've had a chance to Speak, Learn English and Donate Good Cause with everyone's favorite new cousin from the old world, Gigi. And surely you've heard about the new Broadway hit "The Book of Mormon," from South Park creators Trey Parker and Matt Stone, which just happens to star one Mr. Josh Gad, the man behind Gigi.
According to the Hollywood Reporter, Josh "may be giving the single funniest, most endearing performances on Broadway." And Variety says Josh plays his part "with a nervous cackle and the gentility of a young John Belushi." Not too shabby coming from two of entertainment reporting's most enduring and respected publications.
Want to hear what Josh has to say about getting involved in "The Book of Mormon?" Then check out his interview in this Entertainment Weekly interview.
But maybe you don't live near Broadway, or can't get tickets. Don't worry, 'cause Josh is here on My Damn Channel every week as Gigi. So tell your friends, tell your family, and tell your huddled masses yearning to breathe free..
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Subway Sandwiches on 3/11/2011 7:00:00 AM by Matt Warren
As you may already know, My Damn
Channel has partnered with the fine folks at Subway and the USC Film School to
debut the winners of the Subway Fresh Artists Featured Filmmakers
challenge.
Unfortunately, Jeff & Ravi Fail History and Do Whatever proved far too
awesome to be contained by the ones and zeros of the internet alone, which is
why we’ve been forced to take the show on the road, to the world famous SXSW Festival in Austin, TX.
My Damn Channel and Subway will be invading the IFC Crossroads House at 7th
& Brazos this Sunday for “Shorts and Sandwiches”, which is pretty much what it sounds like, starting at 5:00
PM C/6:00 PM ET. So stop by and check out the future of cinema. Or, you know,
maybe just grab some free food and laugh your ass off. Either way, be sure keep
up with all the latest SXSW action on Twitter and Tumblr,
and spread the word as you feel appropriate.
Kinda makes you wish you tried a little harder back in school,
huh?
If you're already hip to Harry Shearer's latest video, "Touch My Junk", then feel free to jump down to the links below and check out two new videos documenting the making of. Or maybe you just want some tips on fashionable dress and sassy dance moves?
If you haven't seen the original yet, stop everything -
and start watching. Then watch the behind the scenes videos, linked below.
Touch My Junk - Behind the Scenes:
Wardrobe
Touch My Junk - Behind the Scenes:
The Shoot
As we already pointed out a couple days ago, this year’s Oscar nominations were announced this week, sending pop culture dorks the world over into a frenzy as everyone scrambled to figure out who was superior to who -- the douchebag computer programmer, the stammering king, James Franco’s gross-ass arm, etc. But c’mon. We all know the Oscars are a sham created by Free Masons to launder money from their cockfighting ring (thanks, Wikipedia!). Who cares who did the best job ugly-ing themselves up for a role, or which hairpiece was the least ridiculous? The really impressive filmmaking achievements are all right here, on My Damn Channel…
Best Tapestry of Lies and Deceit, Horrible People Murder, alcoholism, infidelity. General rudeness. It’s all par for the course for A.D. Miles’ soap opera. Who needs subtle and naturalistic performances when arched eyebrows, leering, and melodramatic pauses will get the job done just as well? Just watch your back. Somebody’s probably waiting to stab you back there.
Best Tilapia, Cookin’ with Coolio Coolio is a man of many talents. Rapping, acting, gravity-defying braids. But did you know he’s also an accomplished chef? Well, you do now. And while he may not headed on Top Chef any time soon, but hey, he’s the “Fantastic Voyage” guy! Teaching you how to cook! ‘Weird’ Al never did a parody of anything Emeril Lagasse ever did. Just sayin’.