Put A Tony Danza On It

After watching Mark Malkoff's "Free Cab Rides" video, we were particularly struck by the part where Mark and his driver Sean decide to "Tony Danza" the cab.

Brilliant.

An ode to Tony Danza's turn in TAXI, sure, but why not an ode to Tony Danza in general? We're ashamed to admit that we think about Who's The Boss? on almost a daily basis. Like, who WAS the boss? That question has boggled us since we were seven. So, we thought, let's Tony Danza some sh*t.

(Jeff Bezos "Put A Tony Danza" on the Kindle Fire!)


(Wanna make How To Make It In America a better show?
"Put A Tony Danza On It!")

Here, maybe you wanna "Put A Tony Danza On It" yourself?

Go for it! You know how on Portlandia they "Put A Bird On It?" Well, maybe the rest of us should "Put A Tony Danza On It." Maybe you want to help a new generation embrace a beloved 80's sitcom star due to an obscure but indefatigable movement to put his likeness in unexpected places!

Or, you know, maybe you're just bored and you don't suck at Photoshop. Either of those reasons could lead to a perfectly acceptable decision to "Put A Tony Danza On It." Just be sure to let us know if you do.

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How To Be A Vlogger: Lesson Two

(Image via)

So. You've made your first vlog and told everyone that you didn't know what you were doing.

Sweet. What's next?

Well, one tactic that especially adventurous vloggers like to do is to treat the videoblogging experience like Twitter.

Like BAD Twitter.

Like the Twitter that you're afraid of finding in your timeline so you never even log on. Like the Twitter that you used to write when you didn't know what Twitter was and you thought that Facebook was just a fad and why can't we all just go back to MySpace already?!

Like this:

And-- just like last week-- this seems to work best when you don't have anything interesting or informative to share with the audience! People love being bored to death! It's crazy how that works! Those YouTube subscriptions should just start rolling in!

If you try out any of our vlogging tips, let us know how it goes-- especially if any of them work out for you, because, frankly, that's something we can only imagine. Seriously.

Come back next week when we'll discuss how to deal with the haters...

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5 Ways To Make Yourself More Popular

WAKE UP and be more popular! Don't be like James Franco.

So you're back in school and you're bored already? Here are 5 Ways To Make Yourself More Popular.

1. Find someone to haze. It's still early in the school year, right? Your professor is probably still learning names. If you're in a class where your instructor calls attendance, just start hazing people. "Steve Guttenberg?" "More like, Steve Not-So-Gutten-To-Be-Back-In-School! YOU'VE BEEN HAZED."

2. Talk about how much you love Justin Bieber. His voice still hasn't broken so girls still see him as an asexual non-threatening type of fantasy crush, right? Also he's just, like, sooooooo CUUUUUUUTE.

3. Tell them how much you love animals. Cats, especially. Who doesn't love a pussy...CAT. Pussycat. Jeez.

4. Show your new roomies that you know how to cook. You should probably start with the Faghetti'wich: fries and spaghetti on a sandwich...so, you know, all your basic college food groups. Later, when the local sandwich shop starts selling it you can get them to name it after you.

5. Make a video for your new classmates telling them how much you love them. And how pretty you think they all are. And how you would totally have babies with them if they would let you. Because that's not creepy at all.

Good luck! Let us know if any of these things actually work to increase your popularity because then we will need to transfer to your school immediately.

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Meet The Worst Generation

Editor's Note: Today we have guest bloggers! The Worst Generation is our newest series and we thought it might be nice for you to get to know its stars a little more intimately, so here they are:

So, My Damn Channel wants us to do some type of blog thingy to kinda introduce ourselves to the people of the internet. Since we don't have any actual "fan mail" (or even "fans" for that matter), I've ripped off a few questions from a Justin Bieber fan site for us to answer. Answer these bad boys and any other questions you can think of to get this bad boy rollin'.

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If your house was on fire and you could only take one thing with you what would it be?
- Roxy, 13, Detroit

JIM: Hi Roxy. Thanks for watching. I'd probably have to grab my amazing-incredible-pornography box, a.k.a. my computer. Either that or my collection of Simpsons action figures.

THOMAS: Bauer, he's the only hope any of us have for success. And you're an idiot Jim the question clearly stated one thing that you would take and you clearly listed two.

JIM: I get nervous talking to people from Detroit. She probably just wants to steal our stuff.

MITCH: My depression pills.



Where do you get your best love advice?
- Lonely in Little Rock

MITCH: My dad once told me. "never take home the three legged dog from the pound just because you feel sorry for it." That made since when I was 9 and it still does to this day.

JIM: I've tried it all; tarot cards, gypsy palm readings, fortune cookies, magic 8 balls... and I found the best place for you to get your love advise... is from inside your heart :)

THOMAS: I just watch what Mitch does, and it teaches me exactly what NOT to do as far as love is concerned.



If you could  have dinner with 3 people, dead or alive, who would it be?

THOMAS: I don't really care as long as those three people are buying. And it better be some gourmet shit, if I have to go listen to three other people bore me to death I don't want to do it over a Big Mac and fries.

MITCH: Bo Jackson, The Pope, and Dennis Rodman

JIM: Wow Mitch, what are the odds of the Pope even responding to that evite?  I'm going with Jenna Jameson, Pamela Anderson and Angelina Jolie. In their primes. Next question.


How does it feel to be mobbed by screaming girls?

JIM: You get used to it.

THOMAS: Feels normal, they've been doing it my whole life.

MITCH: Sometimes, I don't feel worthy of it all. Other times, it gets annoying having to hear all the jibber-jabber that comes along with it.


Describe your dream girl.

MITCH: I hear your dream girl is actually a version of your mother. So probably an annoying old bitch.

JIM: My dream girl is funny, smart, nice smile, pretty eyes, caring of others, and got an ass so big you can see it from the front.

THOMAS: Depends on my mood. And the season.


What would a fan have to do to date you?

THOMAS: Tell me their daddy was Steven Spielberg, Ron Howard, Jerry Bruckheimer or any such type of person, so that I can leave these clowns of TWG behind and get started on my life doing something that is actually worth a shit.

JIM: Be 18 years old and have a vagina. A trust fund wouldn't hurt either.

MITCH: Have you ever heard of a ballcuzzi?


Where do you see yourself in 10 years?

JIM: Hopefully off of unemployment and out of my parents' basement.

MITCH: Cute cottage near the sea with roommates that make me breakfast and flush the toilet once in a while... or unemployed in my parents basement.

THOMAS: Dating Spielberg's daughter.


How do you deal with all the haters out there?

MITCH: I always carry a butterfly knife I got in Baja. Can't hate when you're getting stabbed.

THOMAS: In the words of Tupac: " Fuck it. I feel like I shine. And I don't give a fuck how many white people, the Media, black people, playa haters, police, whoever, try to darken my shine, Im'a always shine through. "

JIM: Uhhhhh wait what? 


What would you do if all the fame went away tomorrow?

JIM: If all of this fame was suddenly taken away from me, I'd probably blow my head off.

MITCH: It would be a long way to fall, but I'm sure I could still pull ass so who cares.

THOMAS: Be excited that I'd never have to answer stupid questions like these again. Is this really what you want us to do Jimmy? Whataya' stupid or something?


How would you describe your style?

THOMAS: Lazy

JIM:  Oh I dunno, maybe rural-chic with an urban twist.

MITCH: Commando, Ballistic, and Fresh.


How do you maintain such a hot body?

THOMAS: Layers and no AC.

MITCH: Commitment to Excellence.

JIM: More like commitment to purging after every meal. I usually lift like 8 hours a day, 6 days a week.

Editor: Uh, thanks, guys! We'll all be watching you and Bauer every Tuesday at www.MyDamnChannel.com/TheWorstGeneration! And following you on Twitter at @TheWorstGen!  And on Facebook at Facebook.com/TheWorstGeneration!

Otherwise we'll be avoiding Mitch and his butterfly knife.

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Remembering The Big Man, Clarence Clemons

June 18, 2011

The world just lost a piece of its soul tonite. Clarence Clemons has been an inspiration, a hero, a touchstone, and a non-stop deliverer of the big sound, big love, and big joy to me and all of my closest friends. It's hard to think of this world without him.

I rarely cry. But I'm crying tonite. From the first minute we heard him on vinyl - and throughout every night we saw him walk onto that stage - everyone who loved Clarence knew we had the biggest, baddest, best man at our side.

The lifelong thrill of loving Bruce & Clarence & The E Street Band might be what it feels like to be addicted to comics and Superheroes. We're dedicated to getting together with people of like-minds and like-souls -- all of us looking up to the image of the friendships we want - experiencing the ultimate teamwork we know is possible - and the hardest part about tonite is figuring out how to handle the loss of the image of permanence we felt every time that man took the stage.

Bruce Intros Clarence:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=81wv_w6_Z8M

When Clarence Met The Big Man:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HRFPWWoxpro&feature=related

I have been Clarence's fan and friend for almost 40 years. His death is a tremendous loss to all of my best friends and to everyone who loves his sound and his gracious soul. Let's send love to Clarence, to his big family and friends, and to Bruce and the entire E Street Family.

"Jungleland" solo:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b0md__RpSHg&feature=related

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Fly to LA to Meet Patricia Heaton and David Hunt!

Thanks to the magic of the internet, every episode of the "You're in Sports" gang's regret-and-gin-soaked shenanigoats is available for free and forever on our Versailles channel, thus completely negating the need to fake your own death and move to a new city under an assumed identity.  Besides, such a mad plan would be doomed to failure.  If there's anything Evelyn Anders & Co. have taught us, it's that escape from one's past is impossible.

But what's NOT impossible is a chance to actually meet Versailles stars Patricia Heaton (Evelyn) & David Hunt (Colin) in Los Angeles. 

How?  By entering the Versailles Sweepstakes Giveaway on our Facebook page! 

Here's the deal: "like" us on Facebook, then enter as many times as you want to increase your chances of winning. 

Plus, every time someone else enters the sweepstakes after YOU invite them, you get THREE ADDITIONAL ENTRIES. 

And while you're at it, go ahead and "like" our official Versailles Facebook pages for a full FIVE ADDITIONAL ENTRIES.  It's almost obscene how many chances we're giving you to win this.

Complete, lawyer-y entry information can be found here.  And follow us on Twitter to keep up to date with all the latest sweepstakes info.

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Gigi Talk On Telephone?

It's Wednesday, and that means there's another episode of Gigi for you.  And what is that foreign rapscallion up to this time?  Well today, Gigi will be dabbling in the game of telephone and the game of love - though, I'm not sure if he knows he is doing either.  What a lovable guy!

So dig in and check out this slam-bang episode!  And if you're new to the series, watch how it all began HERE.

O-kay?  O-KAY!!!

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Gigi goes all in

Got cash??? In this episode, Gigi finds himself in a high stakes game of poker with a trio of new "friends." Like the card shark that he is, he's down to go all in. Watch it here.

If you're new to Gigi, you can catch up on Episode 1 and Episode 2.

New episodes every Wednesday!

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Time for The Temp Life!

We've been watching The Temp Life, a series about the head of a temp agency who falls from grace and has to temp his way back up the ladder, since CJP Digital Media created it in 2006 for Spherion Staffing Services. 

With the premiere of Season 5, The Temp Life becomes  the longest-running original branded entertainment web series. and we're very proud to add The Temp Life to our roster, because The Temp Life's Season 5 was written by "Legend of Neil" writers Tony Janning and Gabe Uhr, will feature guest appearances by Taryn Southern, Tony Janning and Milo Ventimiglia, and-- not least of all--  because it features some familiar faces:


Illeana Douglas as "Eve Randall"


Sandeep Parikh as "Stevie P."

 
Wilson Cleveland as "Nick 'Trouble' Chiapetta"

 
and Craig Bierko as "Eddie Chiapetta"

We won't bore you with stories of our own experiences as temps.  Like the time we worked as a typist for a religious cult that sold yoga classes.  Or the time we worked for a legal headhunter who made us cut and paste newspaper articles into scrapbooks that she could read each night when she took the subway home.  Or the time we worked as a receptionist for a major television network and wrote down in our personal contact list all the extensions for the programming executives-- you know, just in case. 

We won't tell you about all of those stories because they're not nearly as interesting as the season premiere of Season 5, which you should totally watch right now-- unless you're a temp currently on assignment, in which case: finish your work, turn in your time sheet, get your supervisor's signature and watch The Temp Life only when you're sure no one has any other work to dump on you assign you.  Trust us.

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All For "Un" And "Un" For All

Mark Your Calendars: November 17th, 2010 is National UnFriend Day.

From now until National UnFriend Day on November 17th, we'll be posting a Public Service Announcement from Jimmy Kimmel and some celebrity friends.  You'll be able to see all of the videos at MyDamnChannel.com/JimmyKimmel

Facebook friends: we've all got 'em.  But do we need them?  Do we even KNOW them?!

There's your Aunt Karen, who plays FarmVille so much, you wonder how she ever gets any work done at her job at the DMV.

There's that guy who still writes his status updates in the third person and he writes them CONSTANTLY: "Mike Smith is trying to decide what to watch."  "Mike Smith is really looking forward to seeing everyone at the high school reunion!"  So not only is Mike Smith ridiculously boring, his third-person status updates are stuck in 2006.

There's that girl whose friend request you accepted because she looked hot in her profile picture, but whom you can't remember ever meeting in real life. 



Well, okay. She's pretty hot.   Maybe you won't UnFriend her. 

But everyone else that you don't know and/or don't really like: UNFRIEND THEM ON NOVEMBER 17TH.  Let's give fake friends the boot.

Look, even William Shatner's on board:



Make sure you follow Jimmy Kimmel and My Damn Channel on Twitter.  We're going to be keeping track of people who pledge to join the National UnFriend Day movement with the hashtag #NUD.

Take the pledge and join us, won't you? 

http://MyDamnChannel.com/JimmyKimmel

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