Posted in
Daily Grace,
Maria on 3/2/2012 9:03:54 AM by Maria
Happy Birthday, Dr. Seuss!
One fish, two fish,
Daily Grace wrote this.
It's a poem and it's great!
So watch her read it and...go out and tell people how amazing and freaking awesome it is.
THE END.
Posted in
Maria,
Wainy Days with tags
Wainy Days,
David Wain,
Lizzy Caplan,
Erinn Hayes,
Childrens Hospital,
Jorma Taccone,
Ken Marino,
Party Down,
Wainy Days Threesome,
Wainy Days Season Finale,
True Blood,
Mean Girls on 1/9/2012 9:28:17 AM by
Maria
Actually, no, it can't. Sorry. Who are we kidding?
It's the
Wainy Days Season Finale! We wrote a poem for the occasion:
An Ode To Season Five
David Wain and hot girls go together like Peanut Butter and Jelly,
And this season's hot girls were Arielle and Kelly.
Arielle and Kelly you were so fine.
so fine, so fine, you blew David Wain's... mind.
One, a critic of theatre, the other a floor cleaner,
When they met each other they couldn't be meaner,
But The Wain had an idea so bright they couldn't deny it
... they went back to David's bed so they could all lie in it!
The rest involves some soap, a desk clerk and some chicken souvlaki,
We'd say more but we don't want to spoil the Wainy Days season finale!
What? You try rhyming "souvlaki" with something.
PS: If you're sad that this is the end of Season 5 and you're not sure how you're going to get your Wainy Days, fix, we suggest you order the
Wainy Days DVD right away. Or make sure we're friends on
Twitter,
Facebook and
Tumblr and watch for ways you might win a copy!
We're back!
After a short hiatus prompted by the laziness of our editor (ed. note: Sorry, dudes.) "That Ain't Right" returns!
This is where we scan Twitter for people who say "My Damn Channel" but are in no way referring to us! And through much scientific study (ed. note: There was NO scientific study.) we determined that the correct response to each tweet is "That Ain't Right!" Here we go:
@BeccaMathers , you are preaching to the choir. I was having a little trouble trying to fit the phrase “That Ain’t Right” into this because loving Lifetime is oh-so-very-right. Then it dawned on me, “Lifetime is MY damn channel”? Are you planning on taking Lifetime away from us all and depriving us of the sweet combination of Meredith Baxter Birney and reruns of “Unsolved Mysteries”. Take some other channel like Home and Garden or The CW. Not sharing Lifetime with the rest of us? That Ain’t Right!
@obeyMeBitchez , our hearts go out to you, it seems like you are living a nightmare scenario. Anyone who wakes up from a nap to hear Louie Anderson yelling “Top 6 reasons to eat a sandwich!” deserves a hug. To the people who changed @obeyMeBitchez , changing the channel to a show hosted by the son of satan himself, Louie Anderson?!?! That Ain’t Right!
That lil grl better done gone get enough of changing your damn channel! Grl changing your channel! That ain’t right! For real though lil grl, it sounds like you need some guidance. Changing @Caremel_Beautyy ‘s channel is not the answer to solving your problems. If you need some help, we here at MyDamnChannel are more then willing to listen. If you don’t speak out your problems they will grow inside and come out as hate, that simply Ain’t Right.
@lextasy I think you need a new choice of friends. We here at MyDamnChannel are more then willing to step up and apply to take over. Unlike your last friend we are tall and handsome, only sit where we are told and would never in a million years even think of changing your channel. We also are great listeners and make a Tiramisu that is out of this world. Keeping your old and disrespectful friends around? Does he even know what a Tiramisu is? I bet he can’t tell the difference between a Ramekin and a cupcake wrapper! That Ain’t Right!
WHAT!!! @FinesseYoNigga! You have found your own personal version of Airbud! Sure, he may not be able to shoot the game winning 3 pointer or score the game winning touchdown (See “Airbud 2: Golden Receiver”) but he can change a channel! You must find a way to hone his talents otherwise they will go to waste and That Ain’t Right!
That's all for this edition of
"That Ain't Right"! Will there be one more before the end of 2011? (ed. note:
I promise nothing.)
Posted in
Eitan,
That Ain't Right on 11/28/2011 6:00:00 AM by Eitan
It's time for another edition of That Ain't Right, a semi-regular feature in which we acknowledge that there are people in the world who may not know that My Damn Channel is a proper noun and complain a LOT about what's happening on/to/with their TV.
To which the only reply is, "That Ain't Right":
That Ain’t Right, @KissMy_Tweetinq sounds like your father is on a bit of a power trip. Sure, the bible says to respect your parents but I’m sure he would make an exemption for someone who is at risk of having their damn channel changed. Mr. KissMy_Tweetinq, That Ain’t Right.
That Ain’t Right, @DaTFIn3sTKiNg and myself are kindred spirits.
We both hate it when people come nd change my damn channel like ine been watchin tv,
Does it look like ine been watchin TV?!?!
Get your facts straight ppl.
Yet another victim falls at the hands of the lethal combination of Rain and Comcast. That Ain’t Right Comcast, That Ain’t Right. @Barbranicole1 just wanted to watch her damn channel guide. When will this madness end!
Damn you rain, Damn you satellite and damn you comcast. That Ain’t Right.
That Ain’t Right, Imagine searching for buried treasure for years and years. You have lost your family, lost your friends and lost the will to think about anything else besides for the buried treasure.
Now imagine after all those years you finally find it. You open the treasure box, take out the gold, raise it triumphantly in the sky and then BAM! Someone changes the damn channel!
@_RealLongHair finally found an episode of True Life that he liked and you change the channel! That Ain’t Right. That Just Ain’t Right.
That's all for this edition of
That Ain't Right! Until next time, may nothing on this
My Damn Channel be as stressful as when someone else has your remote control, Twitterland.
Posted in
Daily Grace,
Gigi,
Horrible People,
Maria with tags
Green Day,
"Wake Me Up When September Ends",
End of September,
American Idiot,
Daily Grace,
Grace Helbig sleeping,
Daily Grace YouTube,
Gigi YouTube,
Gigi Almost American,
Josh Gad,
Kristen Schaal,
Kristen Schaal online video,
Kristen Schaal picture on 9/30/2011 1:36:50 PM by
Maria
Ah, September. You went by so fast. How can it be the end of you already? We're still debating whether or not it's okay to wear white and now you want us to start thinking about Halloween costumes? Sigh.
In honor of the end of September and
a certain song by Green Day that has been stuck in our heads all day, we present images of My Damn Channel stars sleeping so that we can tell them to
"WAKE UP!" just like the song asks us to.
Wake up, Daily Grace! It's the end of September!
Wake up, Kristen Schaal! It's the end of September!
Wake up, Gigi! It's the end of September!
So we hope you're awake now."Waking you up when September ends" was kind of a weird request, right? Pretty arbitrary. We mean, if you're going to hibernate, why not just wake up in March? Whatever. We're your friends so we'll play alarm clock for you but just this once. Unless you pay us or something. Then we'd probably do it more.
(This was the first image that came up in a search for "Happy Birthday Grace." We're just going with it.)
It's
Grace's birthday! And you know what that means:
PARTY!!!
We couldn't decide what kind of party she'd like best, so we threw a bunch of 'em.
Here's Grace at Chuck E. Cheese:
And here's Grace having a bowling party:
And here's Grace having a pool party:
And here's Grace at a pizza party:
But here's an exclusive pic from the super secret ultra VIP birthday bash we threw for her last night with Lil Wayne and Avril Lavigne, who also celebrate their birthdays on September 27th:
Doesn't it feel just like you were right there with us and Daily Grace and TMZ? Make sure you
thank Daily Grace today for hazing and faghetti'wiches and Sexy Fridays and 'chuting and Near/Far and for letting us hang out with her for a few minutes each day.
Happy Birthday, Grace! Let's raise a glass of Baileys to you! (As long as we are of legal drinking age and even if we are of legal drinking age we are taking care to drink responsibly as we enjoy this wonderful adult beverage!)
Posted in
Maria,
Mark Malkoff with tags
Mark Malkoff,
internet celebrity,
free stuff,
free cab ride,
taxi fare,
NYC taxi,
taxis in New York,
taxi cost,
how to be in a video,
how to be in a youtube video,
how to be in a popular youtube video,
how to get around in New York City on 9/12/2011 12:20:20 PM by
Maria
So you want to be in a video with an Internet Celebrity, huh?
Here's your chance:
1. Watch the video above.
2. Be in New York City (mostly around Manhattan) on Tuesday, September 13th.
3. Need a place to go.
4. Tell Mark Malkoff by Tweeting him at
@mmalkoff where you are and where you would like to go.
5. Maybe you a get a Free Cab Ride!
6. Maybe you don't.
7. Try again. Keep tweeting
@mmalkoff and try to get that free ride!
8. Follow
Mark on foursquare to see if he's nearby! (Here's a hint: Your chances of getting picked up are better if he's already in your area!)
9. Follow
My Damn Channel on foursquare since we will be checking in with Mark at some point during the day and handing out some My Damn Chanel swag to people who also check in at this location!
10. Wait patiently for the video to premiere
here on September 28th and see if your ride made the cut!
If you don't get a free cab ride, hopefully you know
how to buy a Metrocard...or may we suggest you invest in a
Big Wheel?
(Intern Josh, wondering forlornly how he ended up here)
EDITOR'S NOTE: It's Josh's last day as an intern for My Damn Channel! I asked him to write up a post telling you what it was like for him this summer!
Coming into My Damn Channel as an intern I thought all I was gonna learn was how to file papers and fill out reports. Boy was I wrong! Friday will be my last day and I still haven't correctly filled out a single report. My boss is always saying that it drives him crazy how long it's taking me to get the hang of the office duties, but I can tell he's just joking. How I treasure that agonized look he gets trying so hard to hold back laughter.
What I learned though was way more valuable than any college education. I would say it was worth about $230,000, a couple hundred more than four years' tuition at Wesleyan. What I learned was the value of making the effort to gain the respect of your peers.
Before I ever set foot into that office, I had my work cut out for me. My future co-workers had already started gossiping that I only got the internship because of my family connections. After failing for three years to strike any gold, my great-great-grandfather started My Damn Channel during the California Gold Rush as a burlesque show designed to entertain entrepreneurs who had given up on trying to find gold and started companies catered to the needs of the gold miners. Grandpa Schmulie Meisel. I can't believe that was such a popular name back then — Grandpa.
My first day at work the guy sharing my cubicle got mad at me for unplugging his computer. "What do you need a blender for?!" he irrationally snarled. "How else are you gonna make computer smoothies silly? By hand?!" I chucked his computer into my oversized blender. He must've thought I was awfully spoiled, not making my computer smoothies by hand. I really had an uphill battle ahead of me if I wanted to gain anyone's respect.
A couple of days in I got the courage to pitch a show idea to the head of development. It was a parody of "Friends" called "Friends." He looked at me like I was an idiot. "You just handed me a bunch of "Friends" scripts. I think I know now why the printer's out of ink. Look, why don't you hold off for a bit before you make any more pitches." Apparently my scripts had gone right over his head. And "Friends" was a pretty accessible show. The guy I shared my cubicle was a rube, our head of development was dense as a neutron star, and my boss was an incorrigible prankster. My situation was less than ideal to say the least.
Halfway through the summer things had only gotten worse. I was miserable. My only friend was the janitor, and he was a Roomba! I'd cry myself to sleep every night, and when I wasn't feeling that sad I would get my butler to cry me to sleep. My job was a major disappointment. It wasn't at all like that show "The Office." We had TWO guys named Dwight, and the prettiest girl wasn't dating the most handsome guy (me), but instead this guy Jim who's so inexperienced with women that when I asked him to share some girlie stories he just laughed.
All I could do was trudge along until my five weeks were up, filing away papers wherever I could cram them (I may not get the job done pretty, but I'm damn fast). And just when I had given up on ever gaining a single ounce of respect from any My Damn Channel employee, a stroke of luck bolted me right in the face.
I'll always remember it like it was yesterday, even though it was only yesterday today. Jim's girlfriend (I think her name was Xamela) told him he needed to go somewhere to sign some forms. She couldn't give him a ride because she was busy. He asked if anyone else could take him, and I shot out of my chair like I was sitting on a lit match (which for the one of the first times I wasn't). Jim didn't see me at first; his eyes scanned the room for someone to drive him but everyone pretended to be hard at work because they were too lazy to take him. Finally he saw me and said "Fine let's go Josh." And fine it was. Everyone looked up at Jim and smiled at him. Their smiles seemed to say, "I'm really happy for you that you get to go on a fun/crazy/cool ride with Josh." But the smiles had a little menace behind them that signified jealousy.
When I got back my boss laughed with mirth, patted me on the back, and said, "Good job sonny." All I ever wanted was for my boss to think of me as a son, but life isn't easy. I had to put in my time to get what I wanted — let's just say I don't think I could've earned the luxury of being treated by my boss like his own flesh and blood if I hadn't given Jim that ride. And now, in these last couple of months before my summer ends and I have to go back to hitting the books trying to eventually earn my GED, I can look back at my time at My Damn Channel atop my pool float, computer smoothie in hand, and know that that one lesson I learned was well worth all my trifles. Plus it helped that I was making more than the rest of the office combined.
Thanks, Josh, er, Sonny! We will miss you! We know it will be tough going back to Stanford to get a world-class education, but it's better you than us!
We fully intend to continue stalking following you and your writing as @artsypriest and as a writer for The Stanford Chaparral.
PS: If any of you, dear readers, for some strange, maddening reason, would like to be an intern for My Damn Channel, please send an email to info@MyDamnChannel.com, and be sure to include links to your blog, Twitter and Tumblr accounts, or any other writing samples you might have! In the immortal words of the Jersey Shore kids in Italy, "Arrivederci, summer!"
It happens all the time. The birds leave the nest. The cubs leave the cave. The horses leave the stable. Who knows if all of those euphemisms are correct? We're just happy we know what the word "euphemism" means.
But today's the end of summer internships for a couple of the good ones:
Adam and Katie.
Adam helped us write pithy one-liners and articles for a blog that we might never be able to share with you at the rate we're going.
Katie dutifully sent t-shirts and pens to about five people over the summer, just like we asked her to.
We're not sure if they learned anything useful during their time with us, but we're pretty happy to share
burritos and
taco salads with them on their last day. Nothing quite says, "thank you," like the gift of Mexican cuisine.
So here's to you, sweet summer interns! May your returns to your respective schools and future ventures be as awesome as this past summer, but with a lot less heatpocalypse type stuff.
Maybe our very own Dan Wilburn-- himself a former Professional My Damn Channel Intern-- said it best in his tribute to them on Twitter:
But they were also the BEST kind of mediocre. (And actually, they were awesome all the way through. Not mediocre. Take it back, Dan Wilburn, take it back.)
So today we were all:
And then Steve Agee was all, like, "Yeah! Totally! Retweet (and some other irrelevant stuff)!"
And finally, Rob Huebel was all, like, "Me, too, guys!"
And so then you watched it: