Everyone's so uptight about what they can put on the Internet. It's like, "Come ON, everybody!"
Meet
Dicki.
She's 40. She lives with her parents. In the middle of nowhere. She makes a living doing...uh... something... we think. And in
Episode One she's trying to get her Facebook profile picture juuuuuuuust right, which we totally understand since we've all held the camera at arm's length in a weirdly lit hallway, trying to make it look like it's a candid shot of us out at some ridiculous party having extraordinary fun, instead of just standing in our parents' hallway hoping they don't ask us what we're doing.
If
we were
Dicki, we'd probably just take a photo that made us look as much like
Mary Lynn Rajskub as possible, since most people who know her work as "Chloe O'Brian" or "Gail the Snail" are pretty enamored of her.
Oh, well, to each their own, we guess. And in Dicki's case, we don't think that will be a problem.
Your new favorite blog,
Slacktory, did you the generous favor of
translating Facebook's confusing and cumbersome Terms of Service into "Bro Speak" so that everyone can understand the rules, even if one happens to be wearing a baseball cap askew on one's head.
Here's an excerpt on
Privacy, a subject that seems to get many Facebook users up in arms:
We give lots of fucks about your privacy, so we wrote this. Read it, so
you know what the fuck we’re going to do with the shit you post, so
you’re not all “Facebook, I had no idea!” when your shit is in our press
releases. That way you know the deal when you’re deciding what to post.
Nice work, bro. Now that we're finally able to understand Facebook's Terms of Service, there will be NO CHANCE that we'll ever be upset with them for using in some public and vaguely nefarious manner any of the information or data that we've given them voluntarily! Hooray!
(*Actual product will most likely look nothing like this. Also, wings not included.)
Lately, My Damn Channel swag has been flying off the shelves and onto people's bodies at an alarming rate. It seems like everyone wants a new T-shirt in their hands (or on their torso, at least.) After all, who wouldn't want a slice of pie from the larger bakery that is the world of My Damn Channel paraphernalia?
Take My Damn Channel viewser JustNeph... please! When we asked folks to tweet at us with the phrase "I want #MyDamnPen!" Neph responded. And we didn't let his plea fall on deaf ears, hooking him up with not one but TWO My Damn Channel pens, and a MY DAMN CHANNEL STICKER.
And here's our pal Dom Galati donning a sharp new My Damn Channel tee...
And if you want your very own My Damn Channel shirt, you can follow Rocky Rector's example and be the one this week to get the most friends to sign up for our ongoing Versailles sweepstakes. Additional info is here.
Go ahead and sign yourself up, while you're at it. Winner gets a free trip for two to L.A. to meet Versailles (watch it!) co-stars and creators Patricia Heaton and David Hunt. There's only one week left to enter, so if you need to, now would be a good time to buy a working mouse.
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My Damn Channel on 6/21/2011 9:48:49 AM by Matt Warren
We'd like to issue this public service announcement to encourage you to check out the
Versailles Sweepstakes happening over on our
Facebook page, and to emphasize the fact that people really do win with My Damn Channel.
Don't believe us?
Ask Sharon Cruz-Nichols (and hubby), winners of our
Book of Mormon sweepstakes, who are flying to New York THIS VERY WEEK to watch
Gigi star Josh Gad in Broadway's most talked-about new musical,
The Book of Mormon. Here's a picture of the lucky couple...
Holy shirt! Speaking of, here's
YouTuber ImpactAssault looking classically debonair in basic My Damn Channel black...
And if you wanna to take a video or snap a pic of yourself doing something cool in My Damn Channel gear,
send it in. We'll post it on the blog and give you a shout out.
Don't have a shirt? Well, you could just win one.
How?
Glad you asked! Starting THIS WEEK we'll be giving away a
free My Damn Channel t-shirt to the person who gets the most friends to enter the
Versailles Sweepstakes (see how I tied that all together?) We'll give away t-shirts
each week for the next three weeks. Thanks for entering, and see you in L.A.!
Posted in
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Fred Willard on 6/20/2011 11:16:30 AM by Matt Warren
And just like that, season one of Versailles is on the books. Check out the season finale here, and get caught up with the rest of Season One on our Versailles channel. And though the "You're in Sports" stage may be dark, there's still time to enter our Versailles Sweepstakes to try to win a chance to fly to Los Angeles to meet Versailles creator/stars and real-life marrieds Patricia Heaton and David Hunt. Check out the Versailles Facebook page, or peep this blog for details. Thanks for watching!
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Meet A Celebrity on 6/14/2011 9:41:20 AM by Matt Warren
Thanks to the magic of the internet, every episode of the "You're in Sports" gang's regret-and-gin-soaked shenanigoats is available for free and forever on our Versailles channel, thus completely negating the need to fake your own death and move to a new city under an assumed identity. Besides, such a mad plan would be doomed to failure. If there's anything Evelyn Anders & Co. have taught us, it's that escape from one's past is impossible.
But what's NOT impossible is a chance to actually meet Versailles stars Patricia Heaton (Evelyn) & David Hunt (Colin) in Los Angeles.
How? By entering the Versailles Sweepstakes Giveaway on our Facebook page!
Here's the deal: "like" us on Facebook, then enter as many times as you want to increase your chances of winning.
Plus, every time someone else enters the sweepstakes after YOU invite them, you get THREE ADDITIONAL ENTRIES.
And while you're at it, go ahead and "like" our official Versailles Facebook pages for a full FIVE ADDITIONAL ENTRIES. It's almost obscene how many chances we're giving you to win this.
Complete, lawyer-y entry information can be found here. And follow us on Twitter to keep up to date with all the latest sweepstakes info.
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contest on 6/10/2011 10:00:00 AM by Matt Warren
Hot on the heels of last week's National Donut Day, today marks yet another charmingly inane "holiday" celebrating yet another piece of contemporary bric-a-brac. I'm talking, or course, about National Ball Point Pen Day! So fire up your out-of-office reply function, put on your party shirt, and cut out of work early. You don't want to be late for the parade, and besides, those Bic-themed cocktails down at the National Ball Point Pen Day barbeque aren't gonna drink themselves. Just be safe out there. You know how drivers are on BPP Day.
And in the spirit of the season, we're giving away some free My Damn Channel promotional pens over on our Twitter, Tumblr, and Facebook. Nothing to scoff at, especially since it's been well-established that pen > sword = mightier. Click the links for a chance to win. What's that you say? How DARE you insinuate that this is all just a cheap ploy to unload the huge surplus of pens we ordered to give away at our 4th birthday party on Monday. Who cares that there are boxes full of My Damn Channel pens piled floor-to-ceiling in our offices, creating a fire hazard that will likely kill us all. That's no reason to read anything duplicitous into this whole free pen giveaway thing. You guys are acting crazy.
So happy holidays. Don't forget to send your mom a card.
Posted with tags
Mark Malkoff,
My Damn Channel,
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twitter,
facebook,
bathroom on 3/10/2011 11:47:57 AM by DannyMoney
Like most people, I take some things for granted. Freedom? Never really think about it. Sliced bread? Sandwiches come and go with nary a thought to this marvel of our times. The yo-yo? Ditto.
But there's one thing I don't take for granted: Mark Malkoff. The dude's a zany stunt machine. Time after time he does something unique and wonderful, like locking himself in his bathroom without technology for five days.
So while I may take some things for granted, such as the air in my lungs, this is not the case with Mark Malkoff. Go revisit some of his work, and get ready for a new Malkoff video coming to My Damn Channel on March 16th. Excited? You bet I am!
Posted with tags
google,
internet,
news,
ceo,
facebook on 1/21/2011 7:25:51 AM by Dubs
You've heard of that web startup company Google, right? Well yesterday they played musical chairs and some guy replaced this other guy but the original guy didn't go anywhere, he just slipped into this other role, and all of them still have enough money to literally buy my life.
Checkout what this Unofficial Facebook Resource page has to say about it. Apparently, a great battle is looming. Who would you side with? If you say MySpace then you're already dead.
Twitter user Fronsac summed this whole Google switch up nicely:
"Today would have been perfect if Google picked me as their new CEO."
Mark Your Calendars: November 17th, 2010 is National UnFriend Day.
From now until National UnFriend Day on November 17th, we'll be posting a
Public Service Announcement from Jimmy Kimmel and some celebrity
friends. You'll be able to see all of the videos at MyDamnChannel.com/JimmyKimmel
Facebook friends: we've all got 'em. But do we need them? Do we even KNOW them?!
There's your Aunt Karen, who plays FarmVille so much, you wonder how she ever gets any work done at her job at the DMV.
There's that guy who still writes his status updates in the third person
and he writes them CONSTANTLY: "Mike Smith is trying to decide what to
watch." "Mike Smith is really looking forward to seeing everyone at the
high school reunion!" So not only is Mike Smith ridiculously boring,
his third-person status updates are stuck in 2006.
There's that girl whose friend request you accepted because she looked hot in her profile picture, but whom you can't remember ever meeting in real life.
Well, okay. She's pretty hot. Maybe you won't UnFriend her.
But everyone else that you don't know and/or don't really like: UNFRIEND THEM ON NOVEMBER 17TH. Let's give fake friends the boot.
Look, even William Shatner's on board:
Make sure you follow Jimmy Kimmel and My Damn Channel on Twitter. We're going to be keeping track of people who pledge to join the National UnFriend Day movement with the hashtag #NUD.
Take the pledge and join us, won't you?
http://MyDamnChannel.com/JimmyKimmel