Mark Malkoff's done it again.
The Apple Store. We've all been there. We have iPhones and iPads and iPods and MacBooks and MacBook Airs and MacBook Pros that need purchasing and servicing and updating and repair. We need software and Genius Bars and One to One help and Workshops about Final Cut Pro. And sometimes-- let's face it-- we just need to hang out in an air conditioned place with free internet access during a heatwave.
And those Apple Store employees, bless their hearts, never ever reprimand you for hogging that 17-inch MacBook Pro display even though everyone can see that you're just playing Words With Friends.
But what if Darth Vader needed help with his iPhone? Would an Apple Employee just go about business as usual and ask him for his email?
Well, okay. Fine. Sure. Of course Darth Vader has email. But what if Mark Malkoff ordered a pizza? Or brought
his wife in for a romantic dinner date? Or what if he brought a GOAT into the store? What then?
We'll let you
watch the video for yourself to see what happens. But the next time you find yourself killing time in an Apple Store pretending to check your email for 30 minutes but really just playing Angry Birds, maybe tell one of those Apple Store employees, "Thanks for being so cool, man. May the force be with you." And he might think you're weird, but he's probably still just gonna let you do your thing.
Such a tease, Mark Malkoff. We hope whatever happened with the goat is legal in places other than Florida.
Posted in
Maria,
My Damn Channel,
My Damn Channel Blog Network,
Nick Douglas,
Slacktory with tags
Slacktory,
Slacktory.com,
blog network,
Cheezburger,
Awl,
Nick Douglas,
internet culture,
pop culture,
comedy,
planking,
cats on 7/12/2011 3:00:00 AM by
Maria
Today is a new day in the world of My Damn Channel because we officially launch the My Damn Channel Blog Network with
Slacktory (http://slacktory.com).
Slacktory is helmed by one of our favorite internet users,
Nick Douglas, former editor of
Valleywag and
Urlesque, where he helped us navigate the vast internet with humor and wit. We were so impressed by him, naturally we
stalked followed Nick on Twitter and Tumblr and when he mentioned briefly that he was looking for a new challenge, we pounced. Social Media: it works!
(Nick!)
Now Nick and his merry band of writers are all part of the Damn Family. We always wanted more brothers and sisters, but Mom said "over her dead body," so this is, like, the
best kind of compromise. We get some new playmates and Mom's still alive.
Make sure you visit
Slacktory.com daily to find out what shenanigans that crazy internet has gotten itself into this time! Today, we have stories about Jessi Slaughter, a Harry Potter/Book of Mormon parody, a visit to Jack In The Box with Tom Waits and a weekly column from Mark Zuckerberg that Mark Zuckerberg has nothing to do with at all.
But, don't worry! We haven't forgotten our online video roots! Slacktory will curate, remix and mashup videos at
MyDamnChannel.com/Slacktory. Our first Slacktory
video has cats, babies and Hitler explaining "Planking," so, you know, there's something for everyone!
Slacktory is just the beginning. We're coming for you, Internet. Please continue to do ridiculous things so we always have something to talk about.
Posted in
Fred Willard,
Hollywood,
Matt Warren,
My Damn Channel,
New Series,
Patricia Heaton,
Versailles with tags
My Damn Channel,
Versailles,
Patricia Heaton,
Fred Willard,
David Hunt,
MattheW on 6/3/2011 5:30:00 AM by Matt Warren
Never let it be said that the Night Feed doesn't contain multitudes. Sure, yesterday we told you about Mark Malkoff's quest to turn his doughy flagon of untoned flab into a rockin' six pack, but today we're taking a sharp left turn away from the world of health and fitness to indulge in another one of our not-so-secret passions: donuts!
Chocolate, sprinkles, glazed, old-fashioned... we're not picky; we like them ALL. And today is National Donut Day -- an actual holiday created by the Salvation Army to honor the battlefield nurses of World War I who coaxed injured soldiers back to health via the medium fried dough food (thanks, Wikipedia!).
And you don't need to be a mustachioed beat cop or having a support group meeting in a church basement to eat donuts anymore. Everyone's doing it, including minor local television celebrities like Colin Tickler (David Hunt), son of legendary B-movie actress Evelyn Anders (Patricia Heaton). Here's Colin extracting some donut innards from Episode 3 of the new My Damn Channel series Versailles...
Sexy, right?! We bet introverted "You're In Sports" intern Sara Wolper (Martha MacIsaac) would agree. So throw away your fertility talismans and Axe Body Spray. Show some holiday spirit by rubbing a glazed donut across your bare chest and smearing your face with custard. The Salvation Army demands it.
Do you dream of the perfect body? Do you lay in bed surrounded by the detritus of your junk food addiction, fantasizing about peeling off your too-tight, slightly wet T-shirt to reveal a glistening, tanned torso sculpted to Wahlbergian perfection? Do you pine for abs so flawless that the Situation himself would throw himself under the nearest party bus at the mere sight of them? The answer, of course, is yes. We all do. And we all want it to happen RIGHT NOW.
But is it really possible to go from abpocalypse to abparadise in a mere thirty days? Well, My Damn Channel's resident sociologist/trickster god Mark Malkoff has done EXACTLY THAT, going from flab to fab in record time in this two-part video experiment.
The secret to his success? Diet, excercise, and enough hard boiled eggs to shame even Cool Hand Luke. So let Mark school you in the art of getting stupid cut and watch. Nutritionists say that clicking "play" just once can burn up to 1,200 calories.*
*(estimated)
Posted in
Jimmy Kimmel with tags
My Damn Channel,
Jimmy Kimmel,
Hottie,
Humpilates,
Scarlett Johansson,
Jessica Biel,
Emily Blunt,
Rebecca Romijn,
January Jones,
Ana Faris,
Zoe Saldana,
Amanda Seyfried,
Erin Andrews,
Heidi Klum,
Kristen Bell,
Marisa Miller,
Neil Patrick Harris on 3/17/2011 9:10:43 AM by DannyMoney
Scarlett Johansson. Jessica Biel. Emily Blunt. Rebecca Romijn. January Jones. Ana Faris. Zoe Saldana. Amanda Seyfried. Erin Andrews. Heidi Klum. Kristen Bell. Marisa Miller. Neil Patrick Harris.
What do all these people have in common? They're the top actresses working in movies and TV today. What else do they have in common? They all star in the new Jimmy Kimmel video, The Hottie Body Jim-Miracle Diet. Is it good? Foolish question. Why? Cuz it's great. I laughed, I cried, it was better than Cats. Jimmy does it again -- do you think he topped himself this time?
And while we're speaking of HOTTIES, and it's St. Patrick's Day, why not mention one of the all-time classic hotties, Maureen O'Hara.
Now go get a Guinness!
Posted with tags
Mark Malkoff,
My Damn Channel,
internet,
twitter,
facebook,
bathroom on 3/10/2011 11:47:57 AM by DannyMoney
Like most people, I take some things for granted. Freedom? Never really think about it. Sliced bread? Sandwiches come and go with nary a thought to this marvel of our times. The yo-yo? Ditto.
But there's one thing I don't take for granted: Mark Malkoff. The dude's a zany stunt machine. Time after time he does something unique and wonderful, like locking himself in his bathroom without technology for five days.
So while I may take some things for granted, such as the air in my lungs, this is not the case with Mark Malkoff. Go revisit some of his work, and get ready for a new Malkoff video coming to My Damn Channel on March 16th. Excited? You bet I am!
Where is Jimmy Hoffa buried? Who built Stonehenge? What's up with Donald Trump's hair? These questions are inconsequential compared to this: Who is Sukashi?
Well, the wait is over, ladies and gentlemen. Watch the newest episode of Go Sukashi! and find out the secret origins of the man, the legend, and the possibly insane...Suksahi.
Posted with tags
horses,
unicorns,
dolphins,
Smashing Pumpkins,
D'Arcy on 2/10/2011 10:56:59 AM by D'AnnyMoney
Ah, the age old question: Why do girls love horses, unicorns, and dolphins? Well, according to Laurel Braitman, an MIT graduate student who was quoted in this NPR article about that very subject, it's because "horses and dolphins and unicorns...are all borderland creatures; gateway animals to other worlds." Laurel continues, saying, "they help [girls] imagine wonderful other ways of being in the world. They let us be cowgirls and oceanographers and mermaids and princesses." NPR always posts the most captivating articles!
In other horse news, former Smashing Pumpkins bassist D'Arcy Wretzky was arrested for failing to pay fines and appear in court after she was ticketed for letting her horses run amok throughout her town. I wonder if people would have minded if instead of horses D'Arcy had released unicorns. A bunch of unicorns running around sounds kinda awesome, don't you think? Especially if the unicorns are galloping to "Tonight, Tonight". Just imagine how damned majestic that would be.
And that's the day in horse news. Tune in for Manatee news next week!
Check out our boy Rob with Fred Amisen at IFC's Q&A at the Apple Store Soho.
Fred and his musician-turned-comedianne counterpart Carrie Brownstein were there discussing their new hit show Portlandia (Fri. 10:30pm. IFC) which is garnering rave reviews from just about everyone - even the
Harvard Business Review.
Weird, huh? I mean, not weird that it's getting rave reviews from everyone but weird that Harvard would--you know what I mean. Just read it.