Everyone's so uptight about what they can put on the Internet. It's like, "Come ON, everybody!"
Meet
Dicki.
She's 40. She lives with her parents. In the middle of nowhere. She makes a living doing...uh... something... we think. And in
Episode One she's trying to get her Facebook profile picture juuuuuuuust right, which we totally understand since we've all held the camera at arm's length in a weirdly lit hallway, trying to make it look like it's a candid shot of us out at some ridiculous party having extraordinary fun, instead of just standing in our parents' hallway hoping they don't ask us what we're doing.
If
we were
Dicki, we'd probably just take a photo that made us look as much like
Mary Lynn Rajskub as possible, since most people who know her work as "Chloe O'Brian" or "Gail the Snail" are pretty enamored of her.
Oh, well, to each their own, we guess. And in Dicki's case, we don't think that will be a problem.
(Stuff You're Looking For On This Blog)
You guys search for a lot of info about
Daily Grace and
Mememolly. And that's cool.
But I'm not Grace or Molly. Sorry. My name is
Maria.
(Sorry. Not blonde.)
I am My Damn Channel's "Social Media Voice," which means I write My Damn Channel's
Twitter,
Tumblr,
Facebook and
House Blog, among
other things. Yes, it's my fault that the
photoshop is bad and
the jokes aren't funny and
no one comments. So, if you haven't figured it out by now, I'm pretty good at my job.
What other kinds of things would you like to see here? What other things would you like to know?
Tell me. Let's TweetTumblFaceBlogSquare together. Leave some comments. Talk to me on Tumblr and Twitter and Facebook and stuff. I posted a picture of myself with a
light switch, for God's sake. If that doesn't scream "you can
talk to me" I don't know what does.
(Intern Josh, wondering forlornly how he ended up here)
EDITOR'S NOTE: It's Josh's last day as an intern for My Damn Channel! I asked him to write up a post telling you what it was like for him this summer!
Coming into My Damn Channel as an intern I thought all I was gonna learn was how to file papers and fill out reports. Boy was I wrong! Friday will be my last day and I still haven't correctly filled out a single report. My boss is always saying that it drives him crazy how long it's taking me to get the hang of the office duties, but I can tell he's just joking. How I treasure that agonized look he gets trying so hard to hold back laughter.
What I learned though was way more valuable than any college education. I would say it was worth about $230,000, a couple hundred more than four years' tuition at Wesleyan. What I learned was the value of making the effort to gain the respect of your peers.
Before I ever set foot into that office, I had my work cut out for me. My future co-workers had already started gossiping that I only got the internship because of my family connections. After failing for three years to strike any gold, my great-great-grandfather started My Damn Channel during the California Gold Rush as a burlesque show designed to entertain entrepreneurs who had given up on trying to find gold and started companies catered to the needs of the gold miners. Grandpa Schmulie Meisel. I can't believe that was such a popular name back then — Grandpa.
My first day at work the guy sharing my cubicle got mad at me for unplugging his computer. "What do you need a blender for?!" he irrationally snarled. "How else are you gonna make computer smoothies silly? By hand?!" I chucked his computer into my oversized blender. He must've thought I was awfully spoiled, not making my computer smoothies by hand. I really had an uphill battle ahead of me if I wanted to gain anyone's respect.
A couple of days in I got the courage to pitch a show idea to the head of development. It was a parody of "Friends" called "Friends." He looked at me like I was an idiot. "You just handed me a bunch of "Friends" scripts. I think I know now why the printer's out of ink. Look, why don't you hold off for a bit before you make any more pitches." Apparently my scripts had gone right over his head. And "Friends" was a pretty accessible show. The guy I shared my cubicle was a rube, our head of development was dense as a neutron star, and my boss was an incorrigible prankster. My situation was less than ideal to say the least.
Halfway through the summer things had only gotten worse. I was miserable. My only friend was the janitor, and he was a Roomba! I'd cry myself to sleep every night, and when I wasn't feeling that sad I would get my butler to cry me to sleep. My job was a major disappointment. It wasn't at all like that show "The Office." We had TWO guys named Dwight, and the prettiest girl wasn't dating the most handsome guy (me), but instead this guy Jim who's so inexperienced with women that when I asked him to share some girlie stories he just laughed.
All I could do was trudge along until my five weeks were up, filing away papers wherever I could cram them (I may not get the job done pretty, but I'm damn fast). And just when I had given up on ever gaining a single ounce of respect from any My Damn Channel employee, a stroke of luck bolted me right in the face.
I'll always remember it like it was yesterday, even though it was only yesterday today. Jim's girlfriend (I think her name was Xamela) told him he needed to go somewhere to sign some forms. She couldn't give him a ride because she was busy. He asked if anyone else could take him, and I shot out of my chair like I was sitting on a lit match (which for the one of the first times I wasn't). Jim didn't see me at first; his eyes scanned the room for someone to drive him but everyone pretended to be hard at work because they were too lazy to take him. Finally he saw me and said "Fine let's go Josh." And fine it was. Everyone looked up at Jim and smiled at him. Their smiles seemed to say, "I'm really happy for you that you get to go on a fun/crazy/cool ride with Josh." But the smiles had a little menace behind them that signified jealousy.
When I got back my boss laughed with mirth, patted me on the back, and said, "Good job sonny." All I ever wanted was for my boss to think of me as a son, but life isn't easy. I had to put in my time to get what I wanted — let's just say I don't think I could've earned the luxury of being treated by my boss like his own flesh and blood if I hadn't given Jim that ride. And now, in these last couple of months before my summer ends and I have to go back to hitting the books trying to eventually earn my GED, I can look back at my time at My Damn Channel atop my pool float, computer smoothie in hand, and know that that one lesson I learned was well worth all my trifles. Plus it helped that I was making more than the rest of the office combined.
Thanks, Josh, er, Sonny! We will miss you! We know it will be tough going back to Stanford to get a world-class education, but it's better you than us!
We fully intend to continue stalking following you and your writing as @artsypriest and as a writer for The Stanford Chaparral.
PS: If any of you, dear readers, for some strange, maddening reason, would like to be an intern for My Damn Channel, please send an email to info@MyDamnChannel.com, and be sure to include links to your blog, Twitter and Tumblr accounts, or any other writing samples you might have! In the immortal words of the Jersey Shore kids in Italy, "Arrivederci, summer!"
(L-R: Mitch, Thomas, Jim)
Editor's Note: Today we have guest bloggers! The Worst Generation is our newest series and we thought it might be nice for you to get to know its stars a little more intimately, so here they are:
So, My Damn Channel wants us to do some type of blog thingy to kinda introduce ourselves to the people of the internet. Since we don't have any actual "fan mail" (or even "fans" for that matter), I've ripped off a few questions from a Justin Bieber fan site for us to answer. Answer these bad boys and any other questions you can think of to get this bad boy rollin'.
+++++++++++++++++++
If your house was on fire and you could only take one thing with you what would it be?
- Roxy, 13, Detroit
JIM: Hi Roxy. Thanks for watching. I'd probably have to grab my amazing-incredible-pornography box, a.k.a. my computer. Either that or my collection of Simpsons action figures.
THOMAS: Bauer, he's the only hope any of us have for success. And you're an idiot Jim the question clearly stated one thing that you would take and you clearly listed two.
JIM: I get nervous talking to people from Detroit. She probably just wants to steal our stuff.
MITCH: My depression pills.
Where do you get your best love advice?
- Lonely in Little Rock
MITCH: My dad once told me. "never take home the three legged dog from the pound just because you feel sorry for it." That made since when I was 9 and it still does to this day.
JIM: I've tried it all; tarot cards, gypsy palm readings, fortune cookies, magic 8 balls... and I found the best place for you to get your love advise... is from inside your heart :)
THOMAS: I just watch what Mitch does, and it teaches me exactly what NOT to do as far as love is concerned.
If you could have dinner with 3 people, dead or alive, who would it be?
THOMAS: I don't really care as long as those three people are buying. And it better be some gourmet shit, if I have to go listen to three other people bore me to death I don't want to do it over a Big Mac and fries.
MITCH: Bo Jackson, The Pope, and Dennis Rodman
JIM: Wow Mitch, what are the odds of the Pope even responding to that evite? I'm going with Jenna Jameson, Pamela Anderson and Angelina Jolie. In their primes. Next question.
How does it feel to be mobbed by screaming girls?
JIM: You get used to it.
THOMAS: Feels normal, they've been doing it my whole life.
MITCH: Sometimes, I don't feel worthy of it all. Other times, it gets annoying having to hear all the jibber-jabber that comes along with it.
Describe your dream girl.
MITCH: I hear your dream girl is actually a version of your mother. So probably an annoying old bitch.
JIM: My dream girl is funny, smart, nice smile, pretty eyes, caring of others, and got an ass so big you can see it from the front.
THOMAS: Depends on my mood. And the season.
What would a fan have to do to date you?
THOMAS: Tell me their daddy was Steven Spielberg, Ron Howard, Jerry Bruckheimer or any such type of person, so that I can leave these clowns of TWG behind and get started on my life doing something that is actually worth a shit.
JIM: Be 18 years old and have a vagina. A trust fund wouldn't hurt either.
MITCH: Have you ever heard of a ballcuzzi?
Where do you see yourself in 10 years?
JIM: Hopefully off of unemployment and out of my parents' basement.
MITCH: Cute cottage near the sea with roommates that make me breakfast and flush the toilet once in a while... or unemployed in my parents basement.
THOMAS: Dating Spielberg's daughter.
How do you deal with all the haters out there?
MITCH: I always carry a butterfly knife I got in Baja. Can't hate when you're getting stabbed.
THOMAS: In the words of Tupac: " Fuck it. I feel like I shine. And I don't give a fuck how many white people, the Media, black people, playa haters, police, whoever, try to darken my shine, Im'a always shine through. "
JIM: Uhhhhh wait what?
What would you do if all the fame went away tomorrow?
JIM: If all of this fame was suddenly taken away from me, I'd probably blow my head off.
MITCH: It would be a long way to fall, but I'm sure I could still pull ass so who cares.
THOMAS: Be excited that I'd never have to answer stupid questions like these again. Is this really what you want us to do Jimmy? Whataya' stupid or something?
How would you describe your style?
THOMAS: Lazy
JIM: Oh I dunno, maybe rural-chic with an urban twist.
MITCH: Commando, Ballistic, and Fresh.
How do you maintain such a hot body?
THOMAS: Layers and no AC.
MITCH: Commitment to Excellence.
JIM: More like commitment to purging after every meal. I usually lift like 8 hours a day, 6 days a week.
Editor: Uh, thanks, guys! We'll all be watching you and Bauer every Tuesday at www.MyDamnChannel.com/TheWorstGeneration! And following you on Twitter at @TheWorstGen! And on Facebook at Facebook.com/TheWorstGeneration!
Otherwise we'll be avoiding Mitch and his butterfly knife.
Posted in
David Hunt,
Maria,
My Damn Channel,
Patricia Heaton,
Versailles with tags
Dodgers,
Diamondbacks,
Los Angeles,
baseball game,
name in lights,
name on the scoreboard,
LA Dodgers,
MLB,
Patricia Heaton,
Versailles,
The Middle,
sweepstakes winners on 8/2/2011 3:00:00 PM by
Maria
Anyone happen to be at the Dodgers-Diamondbacks game last Friday night at Dodger Stadium? Did you see our name up in lights? (Yes, we know what attendance is like these days at Dodger Stadium, so we're going to guess that not many of you did.)
We're in LA!
We're here to take the winners of the Versailles Sweepstakes to meet Patricia Heaton and David Hunt!
We're using exclamation marks at the end of each sentence because we really are THAT EXCITED about everything!
Stay tuned for more pictures of the winners and their prize...
Posted in
Filmmakers,
Gigi,
Hollywood,
Josh Gad,
Live Shows,
Matt Warren,
My Damn Channel,
New Series,
The Book of Mormon,
The Lost Nomads with tags
Josh Gad,
Book of Mormon,
Gigi,
My Damn Channel,
Tony Awards,
Broadway,
MattheW,
bonus material on 6/9/2011 10:25:44 AM by Matt Warren
Season One of My Damn Channel's hit show Gigi: Almost American may have come to an end, but that doesn't mean everyone's favorite pie-eyed foreigner is MIA. On the contrary, each Wednesday will see the debut of new Gigi-related bonus material. Sort of like a DVD extra, except, you know, on your computer. You can stretch your throat muscles with a little Gigi theme song karaoke, or bop along to Episode 2's bouncy, '80's-inspired "Squirt Gun" (free download included!). There are also outtakes, promos, and interviews galore—everything you need for your Elks Club's next Gigi: Almost American theme party. And look out for more in the weeks to come.
And since we're talking about Gigi, we'd like to take this opportunity to wish our pal Josh Gad good luck this Sunday at the Tony Awards. The Gigi creator/star is up for Best Lead Actor in a Musical for his awesome work in Trey Parker & Matt Stone's The Book of Mormon. BOM is also up for Best Musical, Best Original Score, Supporting Actor, Supporting Actress, Direction, Choreography, Orchestration, Scenic Design, Costume, Lighting, and Sound. I mean holy shit, right? That's a lot of nominations. Break a leg, Elders!
Posted in
Gigi with tags
gigi,
book of mormon,
broadway,
south park,
matt stone,
trey parker,
josh gad,
sweepstakes,
winner,
sharon,
cruz,
nichols on 4/19/2011 7:11:02 AM by Dubs
And the winner of the 2011 My Damn Channel "The Book of Mormon" Ticket Sweepstakes to see "The Book of Mormon" on Broadway at the Eugene O'Neill Theatre including airfare and hotel to fabulous New York City AND will meet the star of the show, Josh Gad, is none other than...
...I'm sorry these envelopes are always so hard to open...thanks to everyone that entered, we'll have more giveaways soon...
...and by the way, have you seen new comedy that Josh Gad stars in right here on My Damn Channel? Gigi: Almost American?...
...Why is that guy giving me the light? Oh, right!
The winner is: Sharon Cruz-Nichols!!!
Congratulations to Sharon and thanks again to everyone that entered.
Posted in
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laser sword,
crazy,
real,
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brooke,
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george lucas,
syth,
skywalker,
emperor,
darth vader,
light saber,
stormtrooper,
brendan fraser on 3/29/2011 11:41:11 AM by Dubs
Go Sukashi!...I feel like we just met. But all is well that ends well and we should all be feeling pretty good about the last episode of season 2. This season has taken us on a ride through film parody, internet lore, and the origins of Sukashi himself. Episode 8 doesn't disappoint, so dry your eyes and shut your sweet mouth and we just might have a bonus episode for you next week. Sukashi!
Click for Episode 8!
There are not that many things I love in this life. My mother. Coors Light. The Great Gatbsy. And that's about it.
But truly, nowadays, there is one more thing that I love: Go Sukashi! This show is funny and irreverent. They do whatever they want, they do it well, and they do it with love. Each episode is just a crazy ride where you never really know what's coming but you always know that you'll laugh your ass off and, most likely, have more than one or two WTF!?!? moments along the way.
So sit back with your mother and a Coors Light (read Gatsby later) and check out the newest episode of Go Sukashi! which features Nintendo parodies, laser sword fights, and - wait for it - a football toss between two friends! Epic!
Posted in
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The Book of Mormon with tags
Gigi,
Almost American,
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The Book of Mormon,
Trey Parker,
Matt Stone,
Broadway,
South Park,
Big Love,
Viagra on 2/24/2011 7:10:44 AM by DannyMoney
Today is the day: previews begin for the new Broadway musical "The Book of Mormon" and I, for one, could not be more excited. Why? Three reasons.
1) Josh Gad, star of "Gigi: Almost American," My Damn Channel's original series premiering on 3/23, will also be starring in "The Book of Mormon" as Elder Cunningham, one of the two missionaries who travel to Africa in order to spread, eh-hem, the Book of Mormon.
2) Trey Parker and Matt Stone, Trey Parker and Matt Stone, TREY PARKER AND MATT STONE!!! "The Book of Mormon" is the brainchild of these two dudes who also created "South Park," you know, that show that's been hilarious for over a decade now. These guys always go for it: it's guaranteed that "The Book of Mormon" will bring the hot fire cuz Trey and Matt they don't ever quit bringing the heat.
3) It's Broadway, baby! I've seen every single show that's ever opened on Broadway since "Show Boat" opened in 1927. I can't get enough of it! The pageantry, the hot lights, the buzz, the singing, the dancing...at this tender age of 114, Broadway is more potent than a fistful of Viagra.
So scoop up your tickets right now. Why wait? WHY WOULD YOU WAIT? There are no reasons. Do it.