character, "Gene From the Kitchen" this morning. And it made us think... why hasn't Chris Meloni appeared in an episode of Wainy Days yet? His Law & Order contract is up pretty soon... so we imagine he'll have a lot more time on his hands... so
Coming into My Damn Channel as an intern I thought all I was gonna learn was how to file papers and fill out reports. Boy was I wrong! Friday will be my last day and I still haven't correctly filled out a single report. My boss is always saying that it drives him crazy how long it's taking me to get the hang of the office duties, but I can tell he's just joking. How I treasure that agonized look he gets trying so hard to hold back laughter.
What I learned though was way more valuable than any college education. I would say it was worth about $230,000, a couple hundred more than four years' tuition at Wesleyan. What I learned was the value of making the effort to gain the respect of your peers.
Before I ever set foot into that office, I had my work cut out for me. My future co-workers had already started gossiping that I only got the internship because of my family connections. After failing for three years to strike any gold, my great-great-grandfather started My Damn Channel during the California Gold Rush as a burlesque show designed to entertain entrepreneurs who had given up on trying to find gold and started companies catered to the needs of the gold miners. Grandpa Schmulie Meisel. I can't believe that was such a popular name back then — Grandpa.
My first day at work the guy sharing my cubicle got mad at me for unplugging his computer. "What do you need a blender for?!" he irrationally snarled. "How else are you gonna make computer smoothies silly? By hand?!" I chucked his computer into my oversized blender. He must've thought I was awfully spoiled, not making my computer smoothies by hand. I really had an uphill battle ahead of me if I wanted to gain anyone's respect.
A couple of days in I got the courage to pitch a show idea to the head of development. It was a parody of "Friends" called "Friends." He looked at me like I was an idiot. "You just handed me a bunch of "Friends" scripts. I think I know now why the printer's out of ink. Look, why don't you hold off for a bit before you make any more pitches." Apparently my scripts had gone right over his head. And "Friends" was a pretty accessible show. The guy I shared my cubicle was a rube, our head of development was dense as a neutron star, and my boss was an incorrigible prankster. My situation was less than ideal to say the least.
Halfway through the summer things had only gotten worse. I was miserable. My only friend was the janitor, and he was a Roomba! I'd cry myself to sleep every night, and when I wasn't feeling that sad I would get my butler to cry me to sleep. My job was a major disappointment. It wasn't at all like that show "The Office." We had TWO guys named Dwight, and the prettiest girl wasn't dating the most handsome guy (me), but instead this guy Jim who's so inexperienced with women that when I asked him to share some girlie stories he just laughed.
All I could do was trudge along until my five weeks were up, filing away papers wherever I could cram them (I may not get the job done pretty, but I'm damn fast). And just when I had given up on ever gaining a single ounce of respect from any My Damn Channel employee, a stroke of luck bolted me right in the face.
I'll always remember it like it was yesterday, even though it was only yesterday today. Jim's girlfriend (I think her name was Xamela) told him he needed to go somewhere to sign some forms. She couldn't give him a ride because she was busy. He asked if anyone else could take him, and I shot out of my chair like I was sitting on a lit match (which for the one of the first times I wasn't). Jim didn't see me at first; his eyes scanned the room for someone to drive him but everyone pretended to be hard at work because they were too lazy to take him. Finally he saw me and said "Fine let's go Josh." And fine it was. Everyone looked up at Jim and smiled at him. Their smiles seemed to say, "I'm really happy for you that you get to go on a fun/crazy/cool ride with Josh." But the smiles had a little menace behind them that signified jealousy.
When I got back my boss laughed with mirth, patted me on the back, and said, "Good job sonny." All I ever wanted was for my boss to think of me as a son, but life isn't easy. I had to put in my time to get what I wanted — let's just say I don't think I could've earned the luxury of being treated by my boss like his own flesh and blood if I hadn't given Jim that ride. And now, in these last couple of months before my summer ends and I have to go back to hitting the books trying to eventually earn my GED, I can look back at my time at My Damn Channel atop my pool float, computer smoothie in hand, and know that that one lesson I learned was well worth all my trifles. Plus it helped that I was making more than the rest of the office combined.
Thanks, Josh, er, Sonny! We will miss you! We know it will be tough going back to Stanford to get a world-class education, but it's better you than us!
We fully intend to continue stalking following you and your writing as @artsypriest and as a writer for The Stanford Chaparral.
PS: If any of you, dear readers, for some strange, maddening reason, would like to be an intern for My Damn Channel, please send an email to info@MyDamnChannel.com, and be sure to include links to your blog, Twitter and Tumblr accounts, or any other writing samples you might have! In the immortal words of the Jersey Shore kids in Italy, "Arrivederci, summer!"
Posted in
Maria,
NTSF with tags
Kate Mulgrew,
Jamey Sheridan,
Captain Ron,
Kurt Russell,
Escape From LA,
Daryl Hannah,
Kill Bill,
hot people with eye patches,
Rob Lowe,
Austin Powers on 8/25/2011 11:56:52 AM by
Maria
In honor of Kate Mulgrew's eye patch-wearing character "Kove" in NTSF:SD:SUV::, we thought we'd take a look at some other fictional eye-patch wearing characters whom we have loved:
Such as Rob Lowe in "Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me"
Or Daryl Hannah in "Kill Bill"
Or Kurt Russell in "Escape from New York" AND "Escape from L.A."
And Kurt Russell AGAIN in "Captain Ron"
And, of course, Jamey Sheridan in "Law and Order: SVU"
... which, of course, no one should confuse with NTSF:SD:SUV:: which is on tonight on Adult Swim at 12:15am.
Unless maybe you're dyslexic, and then, that would be totally understandable.
(L-R: Mitch, Thomas, Jim)
Editor's Note: Today we have guest bloggers! The Worst Generation is our newest series and we thought it might be nice for you to get to know its stars a little more intimately, so here they are:
So, My Damn Channel wants us to do some type of blog thingy to kinda introduce ourselves to the people of the internet. Since we don't have any actual "fan mail" (or even "fans" for that matter), I've ripped off a few questions from a Justin Bieber fan site for us to answer. Answer these bad boys and any other questions you can think of to get this bad boy rollin'.
+++++++++++++++++++
If your house was on fire and you could only take one thing with you what would it be?
- Roxy, 13, Detroit
JIM: Hi Roxy. Thanks for watching. I'd probably have to grab my amazing-incredible-pornography box, a.k.a. my computer. Either that or my collection of Simpsons action figures.
THOMAS: Bauer, he's the only hope any of us have for success. And you're an idiot Jim the question clearly stated one thing that you would take and you clearly listed two.
JIM: I get nervous talking to people from Detroit. She probably just wants to steal our stuff.
MITCH: My depression pills.
Where do you get your best love advice?
- Lonely in Little Rock
MITCH: My dad once told me. "never take home the three legged dog from the pound just because you feel sorry for it." That made since when I was 9 and it still does to this day.
JIM: I've tried it all; tarot cards, gypsy palm readings, fortune cookies, magic 8 balls... and I found the best place for you to get your love advise... is from inside your heart :)
THOMAS: I just watch what Mitch does, and it teaches me exactly what NOT to do as far as love is concerned.
If you could have dinner with 3 people, dead or alive, who would it be?
THOMAS: I don't really care as long as those three people are buying. And it better be some gourmet shit, if I have to go listen to three other people bore me to death I don't want to do it over a Big Mac and fries.
MITCH: Bo Jackson, The Pope, and Dennis Rodman
JIM: Wow Mitch, what are the odds of the Pope even responding to that evite? I'm going with Jenna Jameson, Pamela Anderson and Angelina Jolie. In their primes. Next question.
How does it feel to be mobbed by screaming girls?
JIM: You get used to it.
THOMAS: Feels normal, they've been doing it my whole life.
MITCH: Sometimes, I don't feel worthy of it all. Other times, it gets annoying having to hear all the jibber-jabber that comes along with it.
Describe your dream girl.
MITCH: I hear your dream girl is actually a version of your mother. So probably an annoying old bitch.
JIM: My dream girl is funny, smart, nice smile, pretty eyes, caring of others, and got an ass so big you can see it from the front.
THOMAS: Depends on my mood. And the season.
What would a fan have to do to date you?
THOMAS: Tell me their daddy was Steven Spielberg, Ron Howard, Jerry Bruckheimer or any such type of person, so that I can leave these clowns of TWG behind and get started on my life doing something that is actually worth a shit.
JIM: Be 18 years old and have a vagina. A trust fund wouldn't hurt either.
MITCH: Have you ever heard of a ballcuzzi?
Where do you see yourself in 10 years?
JIM: Hopefully off of unemployment and out of my parents' basement.
MITCH: Cute cottage near the sea with roommates that make me breakfast and flush the toilet once in a while... or unemployed in my parents basement.
THOMAS: Dating Spielberg's daughter.
How do you deal with all the haters out there?
MITCH: I always carry a butterfly knife I got in Baja. Can't hate when you're getting stabbed.
THOMAS: In the words of Tupac: " Fuck it. I feel like I shine. And I don't give a fuck how many white people, the Media, black people, playa haters, police, whoever, try to darken my shine, Im'a always shine through. "
JIM: Uhhhhh wait what?
What would you do if all the fame went away tomorrow?
JIM: If all of this fame was suddenly taken away from me, I'd probably blow my head off.
MITCH: It would be a long way to fall, but I'm sure I could still pull ass so who cares.
THOMAS: Be excited that I'd never have to answer stupid questions like these again. Is this really what you want us to do Jimmy? Whataya' stupid or something?
How would you describe your style?
THOMAS: Lazy
JIM: Oh I dunno, maybe rural-chic with an urban twist.
MITCH: Commando, Ballistic, and Fresh.
How do you maintain such a hot body?
THOMAS: Layers and no AC.
MITCH: Commitment to Excellence.
JIM: More like commitment to purging after every meal. I usually lift like 8 hours a day, 6 days a week.
Editor: Uh, thanks, guys! We'll all be watching you and Bauer every Tuesday at www.MyDamnChannel.com/TheWorstGeneration! And following you on Twitter at @TheWorstGen! And on Facebook at Facebook.com/TheWorstGeneration!
Otherwise we'll be avoiding Mitch and his butterfly knife.
It happens all the time. The birds leave the nest. The cubs leave the cave. The horses leave the stable. Who knows if all of those euphemisms are correct? We're just happy we know what the word "euphemism" means.
But today's the end of summer internships for a couple of the good ones:
Adam and Katie.
Adam helped us write pithy one-liners and articles for a blog that we might never be able to share with you at the rate we're going.
Katie dutifully sent t-shirts and pens to about five people over the summer, just like we asked her to.
We're not sure if they learned anything useful during their time with us, but we're pretty happy to share
burritos and
taco salads with them on their last day. Nothing quite says, "thank you," like the gift of Mexican cuisine.
So here's to you, sweet summer interns! May your returns to your respective schools and future ventures be as awesome as this past summer, but with a lot less heatpocalypse type stuff.
Maybe our very own Dan Wilburn-- himself a former Professional My Damn Channel Intern-- said it best in his tribute to them on Twitter:
But they were also the BEST kind of mediocre. (And actually, they were awesome all the way through. Not mediocre. Take it back, Dan Wilburn, take it back.)
Posted in
Daily Grace,
Josh Meisel,
My Damn Channel,
My Damn Channel Blog Network,
Slacktory with tags
Daily Grace,
Grace Helbig,
chuting,
planking,
Josh Meisel,
My Damn Channel,
The Slacktory,
My Damn Channel Blog Network,
owling on 7/29/2011 11:09:08 AM by Josh Meisel
Now at this point, you may be thinking "WHAT ON EARTH IS CHUTING?!?!" Webster's dictionary defines chuting as "the act of utilizing a chute (as by passing ore down it)." But Webster's dictionary is an idiot.
In the 21st century, chuting, invented by Grace Helbig in a recent Daily Grace, is an alternative to planking (pictured above), which is for babies. Here's two chuters inverted chuting at the American Museum of Natural History.
If you want to see what normal chuting looks like, you could hold your computer upside-down, or keep it rightside-up but look at it while inverted chuting yourself, or build a time machine and travel to 1897 to partake in George M. Stratton's perceptual adaptation experiment, in which participants wore goggles that inverted their vision vertically until their brain eventually inverted the image back to normal, at which point when the subject would remove their googles, their vision would be permanently upside-down.
Or you could check out this photo of a very athletic Darlene Contreras chuting on a soccer ball.
Or Taylor O'Brien 'chuting hoops.
And if you can't get enough of planking variants, check out this brief article from My Damn Chanel Blog Network member The Slacktory.
TGIF, HAGS, and happy 'chutin'!
Posted in
David Wain,
Elizabeth Banks,
Filmmakers,
Hollywood,
Just for Laughs,
Matt Warren,
Michael Ian Black,
My Damn Channel,
Paul Rudd,
Wainy Days with tags
Wet Hot American Summer,
David Wain,
live shows,
Just For Laughs,
Bradley Cooper,
Amy Poehler,
The State,
celebrities,
film,
Matt Warren,
My Damn Channel on 7/22/2011 9:17:47 AM by Matt Warren
People forget how much the world has changed in the last decade. Blogs, social networking, web video. All of these post-Y2K innovations have radically altered the way we interact with the world—particularly the world of entertainment. You may not remember, but back before there was such a thing as forward-thinking online
content providers, there were literally only two ways to entertain oneself: by 1) burning the effigy of a rival tribal leader, or 2) firing up the ol' top-loading VCR to watch a battered VHS copy of David Wain's cult summer camp spoof
Wet Hot American Summer.
Yes, long before Wainy Days was even a twinkle in the director's eye, Wet Hot showcased Wain's unique brand of unpredictable, absurdist humor, and featured a cast that now seems like a murderers’ row of the most important comedic performers of the early 21st century.
(Leslie Knope [L], and Johnny Limitless [R])
Some, like Paul Rudd and Elizabeth Banks, have turned up on Wainy Days; while others, like A.D. Miles, have gone on to create their very own (excellent) series like Horrible People.
To celebrate the film’s 10th anniversary, David Wain & Co. have mounted a nation-wide tour, featuring screenings, Q&A's, and live shows. To wit, here's David Wain and Wet Hot co-star Jo Lo Truglio revisiting some alternate titles for the film. And if you're jonesing for even more of Wain live, don't forget to check out the Wainy Days live show at this year's Just For Laughs. And remember: if you wanna smear mud on your ass, smear mud on your ass, just be honest about it.
Posted in
Back on Topps,
David Wain,
Hollywood,
Matt Warren,
My Damn Channel,
Pilot Season,
Sklar Brothers,
Wainy Days with tags
My Damn Channel,
Wainy Day,
Back on Topps,
Pilot Season,
David Wain,
Sam Seder,
Sklar Bros.,
Series,
Summer,
Heatwave on 7/7/2011 11:22:51 AM by Matt Warren
As we inch into mid-July and the gunpowder from Independence Day fireworks finally dissipates and settles on the ground like an ashy, foul-smelling snow, it comes time once again to face the fact that, like it or not, it's Summer. For some, summer means long, lazy days spent at the beach or in the park, full of barbeques, bikinis, and melty ice cream cones. These people are are insane madmen who are not to be trusted. For the rest of us, summer is a time to stay indoors and near the air conditioning, cowering away from the sun like it was some kind of vengeful God.
Point is, it's hot out there. Why not stay indoors and expand the depth and breadth of your pop culture acumen by doing a few complete-series re-watches of your favorite shows? And sure, you could plow through your box set of 'The Sopranos' or 'The Wire' for the umpteenth time, but given the brain-boiling heat outside, wouldn't you prefer something a little more... digestible? Might we suggest starting with Season One, Episode One of Wainy Days and working your way through the entire series? Or Pilot Season? Or Back on Topps?
It's easy, just pour yourself a nice cool glass of Four Loko, aim that oscillating fan at your genitals, click play, and check another one of your life's goals off the list.
Check out our "The Book of Mormon" sweepstakes winner Sharon Cruz-Nichols and her husband, James, with Josh Gad after the show! Here's to our guests - we hope you had a blast in NYC.
Check out Josh in Season 1 of Gigi: Almost American here.
Enter our current sweepstakes here.