And that's really what it is, isn't it?
We're all sitting here, staring at our iPhones in disbelief. Finding comfort in one of the tens of thousands of songs on our iPod. Searching the internet to share in the mourning en masse on our MacBooks.
After we're done here, we'll edit some videos using Final Cut Pro. While we listen to a playlist we made on iTunes. When we get hungry later, we'll use an app on our iPhone to figure out a good place nearby to eat. When we get home, we'll iChat with our parents across the country and tell them what we've been up to. Hell, even one of our most popular videos took place in an Apple Store.
For so many of us who never even met the man, we can't imagine what our lives would have been like without him.
The real brilliance of Steve Jobs's vision is that he believed we all deserved to live the lives of our dreams, and he gave us as many tangible tools as possible to try and do just that. How many of us began vlogging because we were experimenting with our iSights? How many of us became interested in telling stories because of iMovie? How many of us now see the world refracted through Steve Jobs's lens?
We're not the first to post this video, but its message bears repeating, even on days when it isn't almost painfully poignant:
โYour time is limited, so donโt waste it living someone elseโs life. Donโt be trapped by dogma โ which is living with the results of other peopleโs thinking. Donโt let the noise of othersโ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.โ
Thanks for believing in all of us, Steve. You have to have known that you made a difference.
(Image via Jonathan Mak)
According to the LA Times, this man has already started camping out in front of a London Apple Store to ensure he is first in line whenever the new iPhone comes out.
Let us take a moment to note that as of this writing, Apple has NOT EVEN ANNOUNCED THAT THERE IS A NEW IPHONE RELEASE, let alone a prospective release date.
And, whatever. We bet this guy doesn't even
have a goat.
Mark Malkoff's done it again.
The Apple Store. We've all been there. We have iPhones and iPads and iPods and MacBooks and MacBook Airs and MacBook Pros that need purchasing and servicing and updating and repair. We need software and Genius Bars and One to One help and Workshops about Final Cut Pro. And sometimes-- let's face it-- we just need to hang out in an air conditioned place with free internet access during a heatwave.
And those Apple Store employees, bless their hearts, never ever reprimand you for hogging that 17-inch MacBook Pro display even though everyone can see that you're just playing Words With Friends.
But what if Darth Vader needed help with his iPhone? Would an Apple Employee just go about business as usual and ask him for his email?
Well, okay. Fine. Sure. Of course Darth Vader has email. But what if Mark Malkoff ordered a pizza? Or brought
his wife in for a romantic dinner date? Or what if he brought a GOAT into the store? What then?
We'll let you
watch the video for yourself to see what happens. But the next time you find yourself killing time in an Apple Store pretending to check your email for 30 minutes but really just playing Angry Birds, maybe tell one of those Apple Store employees, "Thanks for being so cool, man. May the force be with you." And he might think you're weird, but he's probably still just gonna let you do your thing.
Such a tease, Mark Malkoff. We hope whatever happened with the goat is legal in places other than Florida.
Do you dream of the perfect body? Do you lay in bed surrounded by the detritus of your junk food addiction, fantasizing about peeling off your too-tight, slightly wet T-shirt to reveal a glistening, tanned torso sculpted to Wahlbergian perfection? Do you pine for abs so flawless that the Situation himself would throw himself under the nearest party bus at the mere sight of them? The answer, of course, is yes. We all do. And we all want it to happen RIGHT NOW.
But is it really possible to go from abpocalypse to abparadise in a mere thirty days? Well, My Damn Channel's resident sociologist/trickster god Mark Malkoff has done EXACTLY THAT, going from flab to fab in record time in this two-part video experiment.
The secret to his success? Diet, excercise, and enough hard boiled eggs to shame even Cool Hand Luke. So let Mark school you in the art of getting stupid cut and watch. Nutritionists say that clicking "play" just once can burn up to 1,200 calories.*
*(estimated)
Mark Your Calendars: November 17th, 2010 is National UnFriend Day.
From now until National UnFriend Day on November 17th, we'll be posting a
Public Service Announcement from Jimmy Kimmel and some celebrity
friends. You'll be able to see all of the videos at MyDamnChannel.com/JimmyKimmel
Facebook friends: we've all got 'em. But do we need them? Do we even KNOW them?!
There's your Aunt Karen, who plays FarmVille so much, you wonder how she ever gets any work done at her job at the DMV.
There's that guy who still writes his status updates in the third person
and he writes them CONSTANTLY: "Mike Smith is trying to decide what to
watch." "Mike Smith is really looking forward to seeing everyone at the
high school reunion!" So not only is Mike Smith ridiculously boring,
his third-person status updates are stuck in 2006.
There's that girl whose friend request you accepted because she looked hot in her profile picture, but whom you can't remember ever meeting in real life.
Well, okay. She's pretty hot. Maybe you won't UnFriend her.
But everyone else that you don't know and/or don't really like: UNFRIEND THEM ON NOVEMBER 17TH. Let's give fake friends the boot.
Look, even William Shatner's on board:
Make sure you follow Jimmy Kimmel and My Damn Channel on Twitter. We're going to be keeping track of people who pledge to join the National UnFriend Day movement with the hashtag #NUD.
Take the pledge and join us, won't you?
http://MyDamnChannel.com/JimmyKimmel
Meet Denton Sparks:
He likes social networking:
Like, A LOT:
And, like a lot of us, he plays around online during work and gets distracted from his job. The problem is, his job is to be a PROFESSIONAL ASSASSIN:
He's on the job right now, and some weird dudes totally want to kill him:
And they're totally bad guys who call Denton names:
And this guy's all, "Really, dude? Forest mouse?"
But how can Denton focus on his job when there are so many important things happening on tweetfacester?
And so many hot girls:
Can Denton survive distraction long enough to, well, SURVIVE?
Watch the first three episodes of STATUS KILL and find out.
Status Kill was created, written and directed by Jesse Cowell, of Drawn By Pain fame. We decided he was so talented and smart that we couldn't let him run around the internets unattached any longer, so we hired him to be our new Director of Content.
Congrats, Jesse! And welcome! And good job! And get off of Facebook and Twitter now that you're sitting at a desk at My Damn Channel HQ!
PS: You should all totally get inspired by STATUS KILL and choose to "like" our Facebook page! Here let's make it simple for you:
So, to recap: Mark Malkoff spent 5 Days In The Bathroom to try to rid himself of his internet addiction. This makes the internet love him more. Behold:
Even former former Conan and Daily Show writer Rob Kutner got in on it:
So, now we know: YOU CANNOT QUIT THE MEDIA. THE MEDIA WILL HUNT YOU DOWN AND FIND YOU WHEREVER YOU ARE EVEN IF YOU ARE IN YOUR OWN BATHROOM IN QUEENS. And Rob Kutner, can you try to be less funny and witty when writing tweets about our videos, please? You are making some of us look bad.
Posted in
Maria,
Mark Malkoff with tags
Mark Malkoff,
comedian,
internet addiction,
technology addiction,
stunt,
prank,
comedy,
"5 Days In The Bathroom",
Bret Michaels,
Poison on 9/15/2010 11:02:18 AM by
Maria
So, in Part One, we learned that the first day was pretty rough on Mark Malkoff:
This week, we learn how Mark tried to stay fit:
... learned to knit...
... and learned how to play "Every Rose Has Its Thorn"... kind of...
Watch Part Two now, and make sure you get up early on Thursday, September 16th to watch Mark Malkoff on the CBS Early Show:
UPDATE: Both Mark and his infinitely patient wife Christine will appear on The CBS Early Show on Friday, September 17th during the 8 AM hour!
This is Mark Malkoff
And this is Mark Malkoff:
And this is Mark Malkoff:
Does he look familiar? He should... because Mark Malkoff is just like you: ADDICTED TO THE INTERNET.
He decided to check into his bathroom (like, REALLY check-in, not virtually check-in on Foursquare or Facebook or Gowalla) for FIVE STRAIGHT DAYS to see if he could shake his reliance on technology and rebuild some of the attention span he lost over the last four or five years
Was he successful? Did he survive? Did he actually learn to make ramen using an electric tea kettle and the kitchen sink? Is he less of a person because he missed TMZ for a week? Find out in PART ONE then come back to My Damn Channel on September 15th to see the rest... unless you're inspired to spend a week in your own bathroom to do an Internet Detox. In which case, we'll see you on the other side, kids. See you on the other side.