Coolio In A Cook-Off

Did you watch Coolio on The Food Network's Rachael vs. Guy: Celebrity Cook-Off? You wouldn't be alone. The Food Network posted the highest ratings in its history last month.

We'd like to think that The Food Network's dramatic increase in viewership is directly related to the Ghetto Gourmet. After, all, who can resist chicken so good it falls off the bone or a caprese salad so tasty it makes your drawers drop?

Coolio came in second to Lou Diamond Phillips despite breaking out the big guns like Soul Rolls and a newer, Guy Fieri-approved version of his Cool-A-Cado, winning a more-than-respectable $10,000 for Music Saves Lives. To which we say, Shaka, Coolio. Shaka forever.

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Put A Tony Danza On It

After watching Mark Malkoff's "Free Cab Rides" video, we were particularly struck by the part where Mark and his driver Sean decide to "Tony Danza" the cab.

Brilliant.

An ode to Tony Danza's turn in TAXI, sure, but why not an ode to Tony Danza in general? We're ashamed to admit that we think about Who's The Boss? on almost a daily basis. Like, who WAS the boss? That question has boggled us since we were seven. So, we thought, let's Tony Danza some sh*t.

(Jeff Bezos "Put A Tony Danza" on the Kindle Fire!)


(Wanna make How To Make It In America a better show?
"Put A Tony Danza On It!")

Here, maybe you wanna "Put A Tony Danza On It" yourself?

Go for it! You know how on Portlandia they "Put A Bird On It?" Well, maybe the rest of us should "Put A Tony Danza On It." Maybe you want to help a new generation embrace a beloved 80's sitcom star due to an obscure but indefatigable movement to put his likeness in unexpected places!

Or, you know, maybe you're just bored and you don't suck at Photoshop. Either of those reasons could lead to a perfectly acceptable decision to "Put A Tony Danza On It." Just be sure to let us know if you do.

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How To Deal With An Inbox Fail

Did you survive the great YouTube inbox subscription notification blackout of 2011? We saw so many of you running through the streets wailing, ripping your clothes off and screaming, "Is there a new Daily Grace episode or isn't there?! WE DON'T KNOOOOOOOOOOOW!"

So, yeah, it was pretty terrible. Here is what you should have done:

1. Check our Facebook Page. We told you about the new Grace video AND we referenced a Celine Dion song! Does it get better than that?

2. Check our Twitter feed. We told you TWICE yesterday that there was a new Daily Grace video AND we figured out a way to relate International Talk Like a Pirate Day to Buffy! Does it get better than that?

3. Check our Tumblr. We let you know there was a new Daily Grace episode AND we reblogged this guy's epic Grace gifs. Does it get any better than that?

So the next time you need some subscription notification verification, just ask us. But nicely. Please. You guys freak us out sometime when you yell.

Oh, right... or you can just go here...

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How To Be An Intern

(Intern Josh, wondering forlornly how he ended up here)

EDITOR'S NOTE: It's Josh's last day as an intern for My Damn Channel! I asked him to write up a post telling you what it was like for him this summer!


Coming into My Damn Channel as an intern I thought all I was gonna learn was how to file papers and fill out reports. Boy was I wrong! Friday will be my last day and I still haven't correctly filled out a single report. My boss is always saying that it drives him crazy how long it's taking me to get the hang of the office duties, but I can tell he's just joking. How I treasure that agonized look he gets trying so hard to hold back laughter.

What I learned though was way more valuable than any college education. I would say it was worth about $230,000, a couple hundred more than four years' tuition at Wesleyan. What I learned was the value of making the effort to gain the respect of your peers.

Before I ever set foot into that office, I had my work cut out for me. My future co-workers had already started gossiping that I only got the internship because of my family connections. After failing for three years to strike any gold, my great-great-grandfather started My Damn Channel during the California Gold Rush as a burlesque show designed to entertain entrepreneurs who had given up on trying to find gold and started companies catered to the needs of the gold miners. Grandpa Schmulie Meisel. I can't believe that was such a popular name back then — Grandpa.

My first day at work the guy sharing my cubicle got mad at me for unplugging his computer. "What do you need a blender for?!" he irrationally snarled. "How else are you gonna make computer smoothies silly? By hand?!" I chucked his computer into my oversized blender. He must've thought I was awfully spoiled, not making my computer smoothies by hand. I really had an uphill battle ahead of me if I wanted to gain anyone's respect.

A couple of days in I got the courage to pitch a show idea to the head of development. It was a parody of "Friends" called "Friends." He looked at me like I was an idiot. "You just handed me a bunch of "Friends" scripts. I think I know now why the printer's out of ink. Look, why don't you hold off for a bit before you make any more pitches." Apparently my scripts had gone right over his head. And "Friends" was a pretty accessible show. The guy I shared my cubicle was a rube, our head of development was dense as a neutron star, and my boss was an incorrigible prankster. My situation was less than ideal to say the least.

Halfway through the summer things had only gotten worse. I was miserable. My only friend was the janitor, and he was a Roomba! I'd cry myself to sleep every night, and when I wasn't feeling that sad I would get my butler to cry me to sleep. My job was a major disappointment. It wasn't at all like that show "The Office." We had TWO guys named Dwight, and the prettiest girl wasn't dating the most handsome guy (me), but instead this guy Jim who's so inexperienced with women that when I asked him to share some girlie stories he just laughed.

All I could do was trudge along until my five weeks were up, filing away papers wherever I could cram them (I may not get the job done pretty, but I'm damn fast). And just when I had given up on ever gaining a single ounce of respect from any My Damn Channel employee, a stroke of luck bolted me right in the face.

I'll always remember it like it was yesterday, even though it was only yesterday today. Jim's girlfriend (I think her name was Xamela) told him he needed to go somewhere to sign some forms. She couldn't give him a ride because she was busy. He asked if anyone else could take him, and I shot out of my chair like I was sitting on a lit match (which for the one of the first times I wasn't). Jim didn't see me at first; his eyes scanned the room for someone to drive him but everyone pretended to be hard at work because they were too lazy to take him. Finally he saw me and said "Fine let's go Josh." And fine it was. Everyone looked up at Jim and smiled at him. Their smiles seemed to say, "I'm really happy for you that you get to go on a fun/crazy/cool ride with Josh." But the smiles had a little menace behind them that signified jealousy.

When I got back my boss laughed with mirth, patted me on the back, and said, "Good job sonny." All I ever wanted was for my boss to think of me as a son, but life isn't easy. I had to put in my time to get what I wanted — let's just say I don't think I could've earned the luxury of being treated by my boss like his own flesh and blood if I hadn't given Jim that ride. And now, in these last couple of months before my summer ends and I have to go back to hitting the books trying to eventually earn my GED, I can look back at my time at My Damn Channel atop my pool float, computer smoothie in hand, and know that that one lesson I learned was well worth all my trifles. Plus it helped that I was making more than the rest of the office combined.


Thanks, Josh, er, Sonny! We will miss you! We know it will be tough going back to Stanford to get a world-class education, but it's better you than us!

We fully intend to continue stalking following you and your writing as @artsypriest and as a writer for The Stanford Chaparral.

PS: If any of you, dear readers, for some strange, maddening reason, would like to be an intern for My Damn Channel, please send an email to info@MyDamnChannel.com, and be sure to include links to your blog, Twitter and Tumblr accounts, or any other writing samples you might have! In the immortal words of the Jersey Shore kids in Italy, "Arrivederci, summer!"

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A History of Hot Fictional Characters With Eye Patches

Posted in Maria, NTSF with tags Kate Mulgrew, Jamey Sheridan, Captain Ron, Kurt Russell, Escape From LA, Daryl Hannah, Kill Bill, hot people with eye patches, Rob Lowe, Austin Powers on 8/25/2011 11:56:52 AM by Maria

In honor of Kate Mulgrew's eye patch-wearing character "Kove" in NTSF:SD:SUV::, we thought we'd take a look at some other fictional eye-patch wearing characters whom we have loved:

Such as Rob Lowe in "Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me"

Or Daryl Hannah in "Kill Bill"

Or Kurt Russell in "Escape from New York" AND "Escape from L.A."

And Kurt Russell AGAIN in "Captain Ron"

And, of course, Jamey Sheridan in "Law and Order: SVU"

... which, of course, no one should confuse with NTSF:SD:SUV:: which is on tonight on Adult Swim at 12:15am.

Unless maybe you're dyslexic, and then, that would be totally understandable.

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The Artist Formerly Known as Chunk

Posted in Maria, The Worst Generation with tags The Goonies, Chunk, Truffle Shuffle, Jeff Cohen, The Worst Generation, favorite 80s movies on 8/24/2011 12:28:04 PM by Maria

We don't want to brag, but, uh, well, the guy in this picture recommending on his Facebook Page that you check out The Worst Generation is none other than The Artist Formerly Known as "Chunk" from The Goonies.

And even though he's now a big, fancy lawyer in LA, we'll always have a soft spot for The Truffle Shuffle.

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'Chuting!

Posted in Daily Grace, Josh Meisel, My Damn Channel, My Damn Channel Blog Network, Slacktory with tags Daily Grace, Grace Helbig, chuting, planking, Josh Meisel, My Damn Channel, The Slacktory, My Damn Channel Blog Network, owling on 7/29/2011 11:09:08 AM by Josh Meisel

Now at this point, you may be thinking "WHAT ON EARTH IS CHUTING?!?!"  Webster's dictionary defines chuting as "the act of utilizing a chute (as by passing ore down it)."  But Webster's dictionary is an idiot.

In the 21st century, chuting, invented by Grace Helbig in a recent Daily Grace, is an alternative to planking (pictured above), which is for babies.  Here's two chuters inverted chuting at the American Museum of Natural History.

If you want to see what normal chuting looks like, you could hold your computer upside-down, or keep it rightside-up but look at it while inverted chuting yourself, or build a time machine and travel to 1897 to partake in George M. Stratton's perceptual adaptation experiment, in which participants wore goggles that inverted their vision vertically until their brain eventually inverted the image back to normal, at which point when the subject would remove their googles, their vision would be permanently upside-down.

Or you could check out this photo of a very athletic Darlene Contreras chuting on a soccer ball.

Or Taylor O'Brien 'chuting hoops.

And if you can't get enough of planking variants, check out this brief article from My Damn Chanel Blog Network member The Slacktory.

TGIF, HAGS, and happy 'chutin'!

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420!!

Posted in Andy Milonakis, Gigi, Horrible People, Josh Gad, My Damn Channel with tags 420, My Damn Channel, Andy Milonakis, pot, smoke, high, Horrible People, Gigi, Almost American, Josh Gad, A.D. Miles, Jimmy Fallon on 4/20/2011 8:34:30 AM by DannyMoney

Holla at ya boy DannyMoney, ladies and gents: it's 420 and you know what that means!

So I'm assuming some of y'all will be getting a little silly today?  A little goofy?  High as a kite?  Well if you are, My Damn Channel has a whole bunch of videos - well, the entire site, really! - that'll get you laughing on this special day that comes but once a year (just because YOU celebrate every day doesn't mean it's 420 year round!).  Here are a few of my favs:

- Not only is today 420, but a new episode of Gigi: Almost American premiered, which you can watch RIGHT HERE.  I love me some pig dog!


- HERE'S a wacky video from the master, Andy Milonakis.  It never fails to crack me up, mostly because it's so damn idiotic, which I consider possibly the HIGHEST compliment I can give.


- And while you're at it, why not watch the entire 10 episode series of Horrible People.  Sit back and let it ride!  This is seriously one of the funniest shows I've ever seen.  Probably due to the fact that it was written and directed by A.D. Miles, currently the head writer on The Jimmy Fallon Show. 

Word up!

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My Damn Channel SXSW pix!

Posted in Subway with tags jeff and ravi fail history, subway, fresh artists, jared, foot long, five dollar, 5, time travel, future, past, present, USC, filmmakers, filmmaking, sxsw on 3/14/2011 8:15:55 AM by Dubs

"Sandwiches & Shorts" screened the winners of the Subway Fresh Artists Filmmakers Challenge at the IFC Crossroads House at SXSW. Grace was there as hostess with the mostest, Rob made his way around the scene, and the Fresh Artists winners were there in full effect. SXSW was a blast (but we've gotta get back to work now).

Hope you followed us on Tumblr & Twitter!

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"Do Whatever" and "Jeff & Ravi" at SXSW

Posted in Matt Warren, My Damn Channel, Subway with tags Subway, Subway Fresh Artists, SXSW, SXSWi, SXSW Interactive, IFC, USC Film School, USC School of Cinematic Arts, Subway Sandwiches on 3/11/2011 7:00:00 AM by Matt Warren

As you may already know, My Damn Channel has partnered with the fine folks at Subway and the USC Film School to debut the winners of the Subway Fresh Artists Featured Filmmakers challenge.

Unfortunately, Jeff & Ravi Fail History and Do Whatever proved far too awesome to be contained by the ones and zeros of the internet alone, which is why we’ve been forced to take the show on the road, to the world famous SXSW Festival in Austin, TX.

My Damn Channel and Subway will be invading the IFC Crossroads House at 7th & Brazos this Sunday for “Shorts and Sandwiches”, which is pretty much what it sounds like, starting at 5:00 PM C/6:00 PM ET.  So stop by and check out the future of cinema.  Or, you know, maybe just grab some free food and laugh your ass off.  Either way, be sure keep up with all the latest SXSW action on Twitter and Tumblr, and spread the word as you feel appropriate.

Kinda makes you wish you tried a little harder back in school, huh?

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