(Intern Josh, wondering forlornly how he ended up here)
EDITOR'S NOTE: It's Josh's last day as an intern for My Damn Channel! I asked him to write up a post telling you what it was like for him this summer!
Coming into My Damn Channel as an intern I thought all I was gonna learn was how to file papers and fill out reports. Boy was I wrong! Friday will be my last day and I still haven't correctly filled out a single report. My boss is always saying that it drives him crazy how long it's taking me to get the hang of the office duties, but I can tell he's just joking. How I treasure that agonized look he gets trying so hard to hold back laughter.
What I learned though was way more valuable than any college education. I would say it was worth about $230,000, a couple hundred more than four years' tuition at Wesleyan. What I learned was the value of making the effort to gain the respect of your peers.
Before I ever set foot into that office, I had my work cut out for me. My future co-workers had already started gossiping that I only got the internship because of my family connections. After failing for three years to strike any gold, my great-great-grandfather started My Damn Channel during the California Gold Rush as a burlesque show designed to entertain entrepreneurs who had given up on trying to find gold and started companies catered to the needs of the gold miners. Grandpa Schmulie Meisel. I can't believe that was such a popular name back then — Grandpa.
My first day at work the guy sharing my cubicle got mad at me for unplugging his computer. "What do you need a blender for?!" he irrationally snarled. "How else are you gonna make computer smoothies silly? By hand?!" I chucked his computer into my oversized blender. He must've thought I was awfully spoiled, not making my computer smoothies by hand. I really had an uphill battle ahead of me if I wanted to gain anyone's respect.
A couple of days in I got the courage to pitch a show idea to the head of development. It was a parody of "Friends" called "Friends." He looked at me like I was an idiot. "You just handed me a bunch of "Friends" scripts. I think I know now why the printer's out of ink. Look, why don't you hold off for a bit before you make any more pitches." Apparently my scripts had gone right over his head. And "Friends" was a pretty accessible show. The guy I shared my cubicle was a rube, our head of development was dense as a neutron star, and my boss was an incorrigible prankster. My situation was less than ideal to say the least.
Halfway through the summer things had only gotten worse. I was miserable. My only friend was the janitor, and he was a Roomba! I'd cry myself to sleep every night, and when I wasn't feeling that sad I would get my butler to cry me to sleep. My job was a major disappointment. It wasn't at all like that show "The Office." We had TWO guys named Dwight, and the prettiest girl wasn't dating the most handsome guy (me), but instead this guy Jim who's so inexperienced with women that when I asked him to share some girlie stories he just laughed.
All I could do was trudge along until my five weeks were up, filing away papers wherever I could cram them (I may not get the job done pretty, but I'm damn fast). And just when I had given up on ever gaining a single ounce of respect from any My Damn Channel employee, a stroke of luck bolted me right in the face.
I'll always remember it like it was yesterday, even though it was only yesterday today. Jim's girlfriend (I think her name was Xamela) told him he needed to go somewhere to sign some forms. She couldn't give him a ride because she was busy. He asked if anyone else could take him, and I shot out of my chair like I was sitting on a lit match (which for the one of the first times I wasn't). Jim didn't see me at first; his eyes scanned the room for someone to drive him but everyone pretended to be hard at work because they were too lazy to take him. Finally he saw me and said "Fine let's go Josh." And fine it was. Everyone looked up at Jim and smiled at him. Their smiles seemed to say, "I'm really happy for you that you get to go on a fun/crazy/cool ride with Josh." But the smiles had a little menace behind them that signified jealousy.
When I got back my boss laughed with mirth, patted me on the back, and said, "Good job sonny." All I ever wanted was for my boss to think of me as a son, but life isn't easy. I had to put in my time to get what I wanted — let's just say I don't think I could've earned the luxury of being treated by my boss like his own flesh and blood if I hadn't given Jim that ride. And now, in these last couple of months before my summer ends and I have to go back to hitting the books trying to eventually earn my GED, I can look back at my time at My Damn Channel atop my pool float, computer smoothie in hand, and know that that one lesson I learned was well worth all my trifles. Plus it helped that I was making more than the rest of the office combined.
Thanks, Josh, er, Sonny! We will miss you! We know it will be tough going back to Stanford to get a world-class education, but it's better you than us!
We fully intend to continue stalking following you and your writing as @artsypriest and as a writer for The Stanford Chaparral.
PS: If any of you, dear readers, for some strange, maddening reason, would like to be an intern for My Damn Channel, please send an email to info@MyDamnChannel.com, and be sure to include links to your blog, Twitter and Tumblr accounts, or any other writing samples you might have! In the immortal words of the Jersey Shore kids in Italy, "Arrivederci, summer!"
Posted in
Maria,
My Damn Channel,
My Damn Channel Blog Network,
Nick Douglas,
Slacktory with tags
Slacktory,
Slacktory.com,
blog network,
Cheezburger,
Awl,
Nick Douglas,
internet culture,
pop culture,
comedy,
planking,
cats on 7/12/2011 3:00:00 AM by
Maria
Today is a new day in the world of My Damn Channel because we officially launch the My Damn Channel Blog Network with
Slacktory (http://slacktory.com).
Slacktory is helmed by one of our favorite internet users,
Nick Douglas, former editor of
Valleywag and
Urlesque, where he helped us navigate the vast internet with humor and wit. We were so impressed by him, naturally we
stalked followed Nick on Twitter and Tumblr and when he mentioned briefly that he was looking for a new challenge, we pounced. Social Media: it works!
(Nick!)
Now Nick and his merry band of writers are all part of the Damn Family. We always wanted more brothers and sisters, but Mom said "over her dead body," so this is, like, the
best kind of compromise. We get some new playmates and Mom's still alive.
Make sure you visit
Slacktory.com daily to find out what shenanigans that crazy internet has gotten itself into this time! Today, we have stories about Jessi Slaughter, a Harry Potter/Book of Mormon parody, a visit to Jack In The Box with Tom Waits and a weekly column from Mark Zuckerberg that Mark Zuckerberg has nothing to do with at all.
But, don't worry! We haven't forgotten our online video roots! Slacktory will curate, remix and mashup videos at
MyDamnChannel.com/Slacktory. Our first Slacktory
video has cats, babies and Hitler explaining "Planking," so, you know, there's something for everyone!
Slacktory is just the beginning. We're coming for you, Internet. Please continue to do ridiculous things so we always have something to talk about.
Posted in
Go Sukashi! with tags
go sukashi,
sand dollar,
laser sword,
crazy,
real,
fight,
brooke,
brookers,
star wars,
george lucas,
syth,
skywalker,
emperor,
darth vader,
light saber,
stormtrooper,
brendan fraser on 3/29/2011 11:41:11 AM by Dubs
Go Sukashi!...I feel like we just met. But all is well that ends well and we should all be feeling pretty good about the last episode of season 2. This season has taken us on a ride through film parody, internet lore, and the origins of Sukashi himself. Episode 8 doesn't disappoint, so dry your eyes and shut your sweet mouth and we just might have a bonus episode for you next week. Sukashi!
Click for Episode 8!
Sukashi can fly! And all we had to do was ask. Turns out he could fly the whole time. Kind of.
It's not all he does in
this episode, but you'll find that out soon enough. Just make sure you order your MEGA-COOL Sukashi flying discs before they're out of stock.
There are not that many things I love in this life. My mother. Coors Light. The Great Gatbsy. And that's about it.
But truly, nowadays, there is one more thing that I love: Go Sukashi! This show is funny and irreverent. They do whatever they want, they do it well, and they do it with love. Each episode is just a crazy ride where you never really know what's coming but you always know that you'll laugh your ass off and, most likely, have more than one or two WTF!?!? moments along the way.
So sit back with your mother and a Coors Light (read Gatsby later) and check out the newest episode of Go Sukashi! which features Nintendo parodies, laser sword fights, and - wait for it - a football toss between two friends! Epic!
As we already pointed out a couple days ago, this year’s Oscar nominations were announced this week, sending pop culture dorks the world over into a frenzy as everyone scrambled to figure out who was superior to who -- the douchebag computer programmer, the stammering king, James Franco’s gross-ass arm, etc. But c’mon. We all know the Oscars are a sham created by Free Masons to launder money from their cockfighting ring (thanks, Wikipedia!). Who cares who did the best job ugly-ing themselves up for a role, or which hairpiece was the least ridiculous? The really impressive filmmaking achievements are all right here, on My Damn Channel…
Best Tapestry of Lies and Deceit, Horrible People Murder, alcoholism, infidelity. General rudeness. It’s all par for the course for A.D. Miles’ soap opera. Who needs subtle and naturalistic performances when arched eyebrows, leering, and melodramatic pauses will get the job done just as well? Just watch your back. Somebody’s probably waiting to stab you back there.
Best Tilapia, Cookin’ with Coolio Coolio is a man of many talents. Rapping, acting, gravity-defying braids. But did you know he’s also an accomplished chef? Well, you do now. And while he may not headed on Top Chef any time soon, but hey, he’s the “Fantastic Voyage” guy! Teaching you how to cook! ‘Weird’ Al never did a parody of anything Emeril Lagasse ever did. Just sayin’.
THE NEXT BROADCAST
by Ben Goldstein
March 2, 2008 -- Web entertainment enters prime time, as Internet networks start modeling themselves on real-world broadcastersBY THE TIME you finish reading this sentence, a 15-year-old mall-punk in central Michigan will have clicked on a YouTube video, gotten bored within seconds, and then clicked on another. It's that kind of insatiable thirst for the next bright, shiny Web-thing that's both fueling and challenging an emerging wave of Internet TV networks.
But for these rapidly multiplying entertainment sites that present original videos, usually released on a consistent schedule, it's also their greatest hope. Because although the audience that looks online for entertainment is fickle to the point of brutality, maybe their attention spans are so short because nobody has given them what they want yet.
Two weeks ago, actor-comedian Damon Wayans became the latest high-profile figure to throw his talent behind the still relatively unproven medium of Internet television, as he announced the impending debut of WayOutTV.com. The site will feature sketch comedy bearing the trademark Wayans Family mix of oddball pop-culture parody and provocative social commentary. Though an official launch date hasn't been established, samples are being released weekly at YouTube.com/WayOutTV.
"There is no urban destination online," Wayans says. "Everybody uses YouTube, but you have to dig deep and for a long time to find something that satisfies you. With WayOut, I'm the filter. I'm creating a brand of comedy as opposed to letting everybody just put up whatever they want."Though the comedian admits that building a Web site's infrastructure is new to him, he sounds like a veteran 'Net-geek when he talks about his big ideas, which include using WayOutTV to create viral ads for corporations, and focusing on content for mobile phones.
He'll need those forward-thinking concepts if WayOutTV is going to succeed.
As the Will Ferrell-backed FunnyorDie.com proved, it takes more than a big name to hold the eyes of an online populace in constant search of novelty. Pulling in about 2 million unique viewers per month, FunnyorDie may be a traffic success compared to other top-notch comedy destinations like SuperDeluxe and MyDamnChannel, but after drawing 4.5 million visitors during its April launch, FoD's numbers crashed and have yet to recover.Besides the fact that the site's videos lacked a predictable TV-like schedule, another reason for FunnyOrDie's somewhat disappointing performance could be its insular nature. The old model was to guard your content vigilantly so that it wouldn't fall into the hands of other video-sharing sites, where you wouldn't benefit from the traffic. (If you want to see Will Ferrell have an argument with a foul-mouthed toddler, you have to come here.)
This may have been a mistake.
New networks are distributing their content all over the Web rather than confining it to a single site, but they're doing so in a controlled way so artists' rights are protected. 60Frames.com, which launched its first series in January, follows a studio model in which professional artists are given resources to create videos that are syndicated to sites like YouTube and MySpace.
Shows produced by 60Frames include "WhoWhatWearTV," which has been theNo. 1-ranked fashion/beauty video podcast on iTunes since its debut, and the hilarious Jersey Shore-lampooning "Douchebag Beach" series."We knew there were a lot of talented artists who wanted to work in this space, but they didn't want to just upload their content to the 'Net without any support, or sell their ideas to media companies where they would be forced to give up ownership and control," says 60Frames CEO Brent Weinstein, who previously led United Talent Agency's digital media department. "When we hear an idea that's a good match for our company, we get behind it as quickly as we can, and once we're in business with artists, we give them quite a bit of free reign. We're the most artist-friendly option in the marketplace."
Of course, you might consider bypassing artists altogether.
A totally different (and more conventional) model for Internet TV is exemplified by Joost, a five-month-old service that presents more than 20,000 shows plucked from "real" TV networks such as Comedy Central and A&E. Original programming is a potential goal for the future, but Joost's main focus is on acquiring rights to existing programming and presenting it all in one place for free.But are more channels what people want?Though more than 5 million people have downloaded the Joost software to date, the company's North American GM, David Clark, says that the biggest challenge in running Joost is "helping people find what they are interested in.
"All of a sudden, that "filter" thing that Damon Wayans mentioned is starting to make sense. If you're lost in an abyss of options that aren't directly aimed at you, maybe you're in the wrong place. And Rob Barnett, CEO of MyDamnChannel, is even more critical of the repurposing strategy.
"I think there's a lot of cynicism in this attitude of, 'The kids are watching all this YouTube stuff, so let's go make another buck off the s - - - we already have,' " Barnett says. "It's rehashed, retreaded content that was made for a different medium. I'd rather say, 'Hey, let's blow their minds and give them something they haven't seen before.' "
Barnett managed programming and production divisions at MTV and VH1 for more than a decade before launching MyDamnChannel in July of last year. The site had 1 million unique users in January, and when we spoke with him, it was having its biggest traffic day ever thanks to a Harry Shearer-produced clip that showed candid footage of Ann Coulter and Bill O'Reilly during moments they didn't know cameras were rolling.
Less is certainly more at MyDamnChannel. Instead of a mass of individual videos that require searching, MDC presents eight highly produced channels, created by artists ranging from Harry Shearer to Coolio, which release a new episode every week. It's about as close to an actual TV network as you'll find on the Web, right down to the consistent scheduling, and it runs proudly against the grain of the user-generated content approach (which ManiaTV.com CEO Peter Hoskins colorfully refers to as "loser-generated content").
Like Wayans, Barnett realizes the importance of submitting to a higher power (i.e., YouTube) for exposure and distribution."If you just drop [your content] onto the Internet, you're in the biggest ocean in the planet, and you're lost," Barnett says.
Words of warning for the glut of new comedy-based Internet TV networks trying to follow the throw-it-all-at-the-wall approach set by FunnyorDie. Recent months have seen the launch of MyBlueCollar.com (Jeff Foxworthy's comedy site), NationalBanana.com (Jerry Zucker's comedy site), and the brand-new Comedy.com (Former UPN President Dean Valentine's comedy site). We don't necessarily recommend you visit any of them.Even though the trend is toward outrageous humor, not every Internet TV network goes for belly laughs. One of the most interesting new models is the development of a group of sites or channels that have nothing to do with one another, but are produced with the same aesthetic.
ONNetworks.com presents more than 20 do-it-yourself cooking, decorating, and green-living instructional shows aimed at the young and hip. The sites launched by the year-old NextNewNetworks.com, which is also led by former cable TV execs, have provided definitive destinations for everyone from vintage Corvette enthusiasts (VetteDog.com), to jewelry designers (MetalChik.com), to people who just like cute pets (UltraKawaii.com).
But there's one thing all these sites have in common: They won't ask you to pay a single dime for your entertainment.
With so much content already free on the Web, those who launch Internet TV networks know they have to be a little more creative when it comes to finding revenue streams. Hence, syndication deals, embedded ads, corporate brands integrated into programming and DVD releases.
Ultimately, Damon Wayans places his trust in the opportunity of the unknown that the online wilderness can be tamed and the pioneers of Web TV can eventually learn how to turn a profit.
"I personally feel that the Internet is what cable was 30 years ago," Wayans says. "It's like clay. Whatever you decide to make it, that's what it will become."
Channel guide: SURFING THROUGH the best of web tv
vbs.tv
Concept: Hipster entertainment from the minds that brought you Vice Magazine.
Best Show: "Shot by Kern" gives viewers insight into the artistic process of New York-based erotic photographer Richard Kern and the thought process of his models.
Also Watch: "The Vice Guide to Travel," "Epicly Later'd"
Schedule: More than 30 series are currently in rotation and are usually updated weekly.
NextNewNetworks.com
Concept: An umbrella group of micro-networks aimed at various niche interests.
Best Channel: IndyMogul.com, resources and moral support for DIY filmmakers.
Also Watch: ThreadBanger.com (fashion coverage with a punk rock 'tude), ChannelFrederator.com (animated comedy featuring Dan Meth's brilliant "The Meth Minute 39" series)
Schedule: Generally in the video blog format, each of NNN's subnetworks are on their own schedules, with daily or weekly updates.
SuperDeluxe.com
Concept: Boundary-pushing alt-comedy videos and social networking.
Best Show: "The Professor Brothers," wherein two bald, pompous community college lecturers try to make sense of the world.
Also Watch: "All My Exes," Norm MacDonald's "The Fake News"
MyDamnChannel.com
Concept: An Internet entertainment studio focusing on eight professional-quality channels produced by well-known artists.
Best Show: In "Wainy Days," writer/director/ex-State member David Wain repeatedly and hilariously fails to find his soul mate.
Also Watch: "Horrible People," "Big Fat Brain"
Schedule:
Monday: new episodes of Wainy Days, Horrible People
Tuesday: Harry Shearer
Wednesday: Andy Milonakis, Cookin' With Coolio
Thursday: Don Was, Carnival of Stuff
Friday: "Big Fat Brain"
ONNetworks.com
Concept: Unconventional instructional shows for a range of interests, all produced in HD.
Best Show: "Dinner with the Band," in which chef Sam Mason hosts his favorite bands for an evening of cooking, conversation, and live performance.
Also Watch: "Backpack Picnic," "Stump the Chef"