More Apple Store Craziness

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Remember When Mark Malkoff Did Something Crazy Awesome?

Like most people, I take some things for granted.  Freedom?  Never really think about it.  Sliced bread?  Sandwiches come and go with nary a thought to this marvel of our times.  The yo-yo?  Ditto.

But there's one thing I don't take for granted: Mark Malkoff.  The dude's a zany stunt machine.  Time after time he does something unique and wonderful, like locking himself in his bathroom without technology for five days. 

So while I may take some things for granted, such as the air in my lungs, this is not the case with Mark Malkoff.  Go revisit some of his work, and get ready for a new Malkoff video coming to My Damn Channel on March 16th.  Excited?  You bet I am!

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A Part Of Me Just Died

According to "the internets", there are no 2011 year model cars that come with tape decks. How am I supposed to listen to my cassette single of Aerosmith's "I Don't Wanna Miss A Thing" without a tape deck??? This must have been how my Dad felt when he found out they stopped making LaserDisc players (which was surprisingly only in 2009).

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Status Kill Premieres

Meet Denton Sparks:



He likes social networking:



Like, A LOT:



And, like a lot of us, he plays around online during work and gets distracted from his job.  The problem is, his job is to be a PROFESSIONAL ASSASSIN:



He's on the job right now, and some weird dudes totally want to kill him:



And they're totally bad guys who call Denton names:



And this guy's all, "Really, dude?  Forest mouse?"



But how can Denton focus on his job when there are so many important things happening on tweetfacester?



And so many hot girls:



Can Denton survive distraction long enough to, well, SURVIVE?



Watch the first three episodes of STATUS KILL and find out.

Status Kill was created, written and directed by Jesse Cowell, of Drawn By Pain fame.  We decided he was so talented and smart that we couldn't let him run around the internets unattached any longer, so we hired him to be our new Director of Content.

Congrats, Jesse!  And welcome!  And good job!  And get off of Facebook and Twitter now that you're sitting at a desk at My Damn Channel HQ!

PS: You should all totally get inspired by STATUS KILL and choose to "like" our Facebook page!  Here let's make it simple for you:

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Mark Malkoff is More Popular Than Ever

So, to recap: Mark Malkoff spent 5 Days In The Bathroom to try to rid himself of his internet addiction.  This makes the internet love him more.  Behold:


















Even former former Conan and Daily Show writer Rob Kutner got in on it:



So, now we know: YOU CANNOT QUIT THE MEDIA.  THE MEDIA WILL HUNT YOU DOWN AND FIND YOU WHEREVER YOU ARE EVEN IF YOU ARE IN YOUR OWN BATHROOM IN QUEENS.  And Rob Kutner, can you try to be less funny and witty when writing tweets about our videos, please?  You are making some of us look bad. 

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Part Two of Mark Malkoff's "5 Days In The Bathroom"

So, in Part One, we learned that the first day was pretty rough on Mark Malkoff:







This week, we learn how Mark tried to stay fit:



... learned to knit...



... and learned how to play "Every Rose Has Its Thorn"... kind of...



Watch Part Two now, and make sure you get up early on Thursday, September 16th to watch Mark Malkoff on the CBS Early Show:



UPDATE: Both Mark and his infinitely patient wife Christine will appear on The CBS Early Show on Friday, September 17th during the 8 AM hour!

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The 5-Day Internet Detox

This is Mark Malkoff

And this is Mark Malkoff:

And this is Mark Malkoff:

Does he look familiar?  He should... because Mark Malkoff is just like you: ADDICTED TO THE INTERNET.

He decided to check into his bathroom (like, REALLY check-in, not virtually check-in on Foursquare or Facebook or Gowalla) for FIVE STRAIGHT DAYS to see if he could shake his reliance on technology and rebuild some of the attention span he lost over the last four or five years

Was he successful?  Did he survive?  Did he actually learn to make ramen using an electric tea kettle and the kitchen sink?  Is he less of a person because he missed TMZ for a week?  Find out in PART ONE then come back to My Damn Channel on September 15th to see the rest... unless you're inspired to spend a week in your own bathroom to do an Internet Detox.  In which case, we'll see you on the other side, kids.  See you on the other side.

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Checking In On Mark Malkoff

We told you that Mark Malkoff has decided to cure his technology addiction by staying in his bathroom for five days. 

So how's he doing?

Well, Mark's wife, Christine, is manning his twitter account during the detox:



Mark has figured out how to turn his medicine cabinet into a pantry:



And Mark got a housebathroomguest when local New York NBC affiliate, WNBC via LXTV, visited to see exactly how a man spends five days in his own bathroom.

The answer?  Not very comfortably.

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Announcing the My Damn Channel Third Birthday 3Some Video Challenge

3Some: Presenting the My Damn Channel 3rd Birthday Video Challenge

What are the rules?

• Email info at MyDamnChannel dot com with the subject heading "3Some" for rules, regulations, video specs and instructions for getting your video to us.
• Find some creative way to connect it to the 3Some theme.
• Keep it under 3 minutes.  We love you, but we have trains to catch at 5:42pm to get to our Mom's place by dinner.
• Don't plug My Damn Channel shamelessly.  That's what I'm for, not you.
• We are judging overall quality, talent, originality, performance and intelligence.  So don't just shoot something and say "Whatevs, this will do."  Because it won't.  Give us your best. 

Timeline

• Get it to us by Friday, August 13th.  You should probably have your first draft done by the time you finish reading this post.
• Winners will be announced Wednesday, August 18th, which will be SOMEONE'S LUCKY DAY.

Why should you do this?

• You are creative and witty and wise and you realize that withholding your gifts from the online video world is a crime against humanity.  This goes for all of you.  Or maybe you're just bored. 
• All winners will be featured heavily on My Damn Channel.
• 3rd Prize: You will be featured for 3 Days on the My Damn Channel homepage.  Go there now.  Tell me who you see.  Imagine your mug featured next to those guys.  Sweet, right?  How awesome is the Facebook photo album you create from those screencaps gonna be?
• 2nd Prize: 8GB iPod touch.  For realz, yo.  Have you been walking around wishing you could experience the joy of touchscreen technology and the millions of apps in that damn app store?  This is for you.
• 1st Prize: 16GB iPad 3G.  For realz, also. Touchscreen technology, the app store apps, plus books and Flipboard and the cure for cancer.  What?  Oh.  Scratch that last thing.  But AN IPAD.  For you. 

We want our birthday to be a good one, so we need as many people as possible to give us presents.  Thank you, and good luck!

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MY DAMN CHANNEL IS "TWO"

 

Two years ago, on 7/31/07, we declared independence from everything old. We launched our new show business battleship on a mission to deliver the best original video series to your fingertips n’ eyeballs. We set sail for a new world free from the ridiculous, red-tape creating ways of radio, TV, & film.

 

In two years, we’ve built a new studio to produce the entertainment – a network to showcase the goods – and a syndication business to help it all fly far and fast.

 

We knew if we avoided idiotic start-up mistakes, we’d have a shot at building a creative and financial win. The past two years have been about building our brand, signing talent, co-creating hit series, finding a mass audience, and finally making real revenues from multiple streams.

 

Our advertisers keep fueling this fun because they know that we’re one of the new companies who can deliver three essential must-haves for new media messaging to make sense for brands:

 

1)    highest-quality, star-driven entertainment

2)    customized distribution to any digital platform

3)    guaranteed traffic

 

As we start our next trip 'round the sun thanks go to our ARTISTS. The musicians, comedians, filmmakers, actors and revolutionaries who believed in us when we were schmucks with a PowerPoint now have a safe haven to produce and distribute video directly to fans. Most of our first famous friends are all still here. And thanks go to the newest members of the My Damn Channel line-up for signing on to put us to work on their behalf. We’re getting ready to announce a handful of mind-blowing deals with more stars from da movies and da teleevision.

 

Special thanks to every one of you who watch and share My Damn Channel videos. The minute we start screwing up, you stop watching, and it’s game over. Thanks for teaching us how to serve at your pleasure.

 

If you’ve worked inside our small, determined crew, please accept a personal thank you for putting in the brains, sweat and passion to prove this all works. Warren and I are forever mindful of what you’ve brought to this picnic.
 

Warren Chao is the Co-Founder & COO of My Damn Channel turning ideas into action. I’ve never seen anyone combine so many skills to make up the super-human-management sensation that Warren embodies. The man is awesomely inspiring and the essential ingredient inside this thing.

 

We share our My Damn Channel birthday with Mark Cuban, J.K. Rowling, and a visionary named Marc Averitt. Marc is our Board Director, and the Co-Founder and Managing Director of Okapi Venture Capital. We pay tribute to the man who first believed in our vision. And we mark our two-year milestone honoring every investor who helped put technology to work for our content creators, our audiences, distribution partners, and advertisers.

 

We’re about to make an announcement about new investment, new revenue deals, new series from our current stars and a few jaw-droppers if tonight’s midnight emails are to be believed.

 

Our next new pilot may be live within hours of this post…

 

Thanks for being here.

 

Rob Barnett

Rob@MyDamnChannel.com 

 

 

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