How To Deal With An Inbox Fail

Did you survive the great YouTube inbox subscription notification blackout of 2011? We saw so many of you running through the streets wailing, ripping your clothes off and screaming, "Is there a new Daily Grace episode or isn't there?! WE DON'T KNOOOOOOOOOOOW!"

So, yeah, it was pretty terrible. Here is what you should have done:

1. Check our Facebook Page. We told you about the new Grace video AND we referenced a Celine Dion song! Does it get better than that?

2. Check our Twitter feed. We told you TWICE yesterday that there was a new Daily Grace video AND we figured out a way to relate International Talk Like a Pirate Day to Buffy! Does it get better than that?

3. Check our Tumblr. We let you know there was a new Daily Grace episode AND we reblogged this guy's epic Grace gifs. Does it get any better than that?

So the next time you need some subscription notification verification, just ask us. But nicely. Please. You guys freak us out sometime when you yell.

Oh, right... or you can just go here...

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How To Be A Vlogger: Lesson Two

(Image via)

So. You've made your first vlog and told everyone that you didn't know what you were doing.

Sweet. What's next?

Well, one tactic that especially adventurous vloggers like to do is to treat the videoblogging experience like Twitter.

Like BAD Twitter.

Like the Twitter that you're afraid of finding in your timeline so you never even log on. Like the Twitter that you used to write when you didn't know what Twitter was and you thought that Facebook was just a fad and why can't we all just go back to MySpace already?!

Like this:

And-- just like last week-- this seems to work best when you don't have anything interesting or informative to share with the audience! People love being bored to death! It's crazy how that works! Those YouTube subscriptions should just start rolling in!

If you try out any of our vlogging tips, let us know how it goes-- especially if any of them work out for you, because, frankly, that's something we can only imagine. Seriously.

Come back next week when we'll discuss how to deal with the haters...

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How To Get a Free Cab Ride with Mark Malkoff

So you want to be in a video with an Internet Celebrity, huh?

Here's your chance:

1. Watch the video above.
2. Be in New York City (mostly around Manhattan) on Tuesday, September 13th.
3. Need a place to go.
4. Tell Mark Malkoff by Tweeting him at @mmalkoff where you are and where you would like to go.
5. Maybe you a get a Free Cab Ride!
6. Maybe you don't.
7. Try again. Keep tweeting @mmalkoff and try to get that free ride!
8. Follow Mark on foursquare to see if he's nearby! (Here's a hint: Your chances of getting picked up are better if he's already in your area!)
9. Follow My Damn Channel on foursquare since we will be checking in with Mark at some point during the day and handing out some My Damn Chanel swag to people who also check in at this location!
10. Wait patiently for the video to premiere here on September 28th and see if your ride made the cut!

If you don't get a free cab ride, hopefully you know how to buy a Metrocard...or may we suggest you invest in a Big Wheel?

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Can Chris Meloni Appear in a Wainy Days Episode, Please?

David Wain tweeted this tribute to Chris Meloni's Wet Hot American Summer character, "Gene From the Kitchen" this morning. And it made us think... why hasn't Chris Meloni appeared in an episode of Wainy Days yet? His Law & Order contract is up pretty soon... so we imagine he'll have a lot more time on his hands... so maybe...right? Right?!

And who else belongs in an episode of Wainy Days? Leave me a comment!

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How To Be An Intern

(Intern Josh, wondering forlornly how he ended up here)

EDITOR'S NOTE: It's Josh's last day as an intern for My Damn Channel! I asked him to write up a post telling you what it was like for him this summer!


Coming into My Damn Channel as an intern I thought all I was gonna learn was how to file papers and fill out reports. Boy was I wrong! Friday will be my last day and I still haven't correctly filled out a single report. My boss is always saying that it drives him crazy how long it's taking me to get the hang of the office duties, but I can tell he's just joking. How I treasure that agonized look he gets trying so hard to hold back laughter.

What I learned though was way more valuable than any college education. I would say it was worth about $230,000, a couple hundred more than four years' tuition at Wesleyan. What I learned was the value of making the effort to gain the respect of your peers.

Before I ever set foot into that office, I had my work cut out for me. My future co-workers had already started gossiping that I only got the internship because of my family connections. After failing for three years to strike any gold, my great-great-grandfather started My Damn Channel during the California Gold Rush as a burlesque show designed to entertain entrepreneurs who had given up on trying to find gold and started companies catered to the needs of the gold miners. Grandpa Schmulie Meisel. I can't believe that was such a popular name back then — Grandpa.

My first day at work the guy sharing my cubicle got mad at me for unplugging his computer. "What do you need a blender for?!" he irrationally snarled. "How else are you gonna make computer smoothies silly? By hand?!" I chucked his computer into my oversized blender. He must've thought I was awfully spoiled, not making my computer smoothies by hand. I really had an uphill battle ahead of me if I wanted to gain anyone's respect.

A couple of days in I got the courage to pitch a show idea to the head of development. It was a parody of "Friends" called "Friends." He looked at me like I was an idiot. "You just handed me a bunch of "Friends" scripts. I think I know now why the printer's out of ink. Look, why don't you hold off for a bit before you make any more pitches." Apparently my scripts had gone right over his head. And "Friends" was a pretty accessible show. The guy I shared my cubicle was a rube, our head of development was dense as a neutron star, and my boss was an incorrigible prankster. My situation was less than ideal to say the least.

Halfway through the summer things had only gotten worse. I was miserable. My only friend was the janitor, and he was a Roomba! I'd cry myself to sleep every night, and when I wasn't feeling that sad I would get my butler to cry me to sleep. My job was a major disappointment. It wasn't at all like that show "The Office." We had TWO guys named Dwight, and the prettiest girl wasn't dating the most handsome guy (me), but instead this guy Jim who's so inexperienced with women that when I asked him to share some girlie stories he just laughed.

All I could do was trudge along until my five weeks were up, filing away papers wherever I could cram them (I may not get the job done pretty, but I'm damn fast). And just when I had given up on ever gaining a single ounce of respect from any My Damn Channel employee, a stroke of luck bolted me right in the face.

I'll always remember it like it was yesterday, even though it was only yesterday today. Jim's girlfriend (I think her name was Xamela) told him he needed to go somewhere to sign some forms. She couldn't give him a ride because she was busy. He asked if anyone else could take him, and I shot out of my chair like I was sitting on a lit match (which for the one of the first times I wasn't). Jim didn't see me at first; his eyes scanned the room for someone to drive him but everyone pretended to be hard at work because they were too lazy to take him. Finally he saw me and said "Fine let's go Josh." And fine it was. Everyone looked up at Jim and smiled at him. Their smiles seemed to say, "I'm really happy for you that you get to go on a fun/crazy/cool ride with Josh." But the smiles had a little menace behind them that signified jealousy.

When I got back my boss laughed with mirth, patted me on the back, and said, "Good job sonny." All I ever wanted was for my boss to think of me as a son, but life isn't easy. I had to put in my time to get what I wanted — let's just say I don't think I could've earned the luxury of being treated by my boss like his own flesh and blood if I hadn't given Jim that ride. And now, in these last couple of months before my summer ends and I have to go back to hitting the books trying to eventually earn my GED, I can look back at my time at My Damn Channel atop my pool float, computer smoothie in hand, and know that that one lesson I learned was well worth all my trifles. Plus it helped that I was making more than the rest of the office combined.


Thanks, Josh, er, Sonny! We will miss you! We know it will be tough going back to Stanford to get a world-class education, but it's better you than us!

We fully intend to continue stalking following you and your writing as @artsypriest and as a writer for The Stanford Chaparral.

PS: If any of you, dear readers, for some strange, maddening reason, would like to be an intern for My Damn Channel, please send an email to info@MyDamnChannel.com, and be sure to include links to your blog, Twitter and Tumblr accounts, or any other writing samples you might have! In the immortal words of the Jersey Shore kids in Italy, "Arrivederci, summer!"

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Our Idiot Brother

Posted in Hollywood, Matt Warren, Paul Rudd, Rashida Jones, Twitter, Wainy Days with tags Our Idiot Brother, Paul Rudd, David Wain, Elizabeth Banks, Rashida Jones, Twitter, movies, Hollywood on 8/26/2011 12:21:26 PM by Matt Warren

The new Paul Rudd-starring "Our Idiot Brother" opens in theaters this weekend, gifting America with the genial tale of a simple-minded fuckup (Rudd) and his exhasperated extented family. I haven't seen it yet, but David Wain has...

 

And while he's undoubtably correct, Mr. Wain may not be the most impartial critic. The "Brother" cast list reads like a who's who of Wainy Days All-Stars. Aside from Paul Rudd, there's Rashida Jones, Elizabeh Banks, and, let's see... looks like that's it. But hey, three's a lot! Besides, would David Wain ever steer you wrong?

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Meet The Worst Generation

Posted in GuestBlogger, Maria, New Series, The Worst Generation with tags The Worst Generation, Justin Bieber, Bieber rip-off, shameless Justin Bieber rip-off on 8/17/2011 11:30:00 AM by Maria

(L-R: Mitch, Thomas, Jim)

Editor's Note: Today we have guest bloggers! The Worst Generation is our newest series and we thought it might be nice for you to get to know its stars a little more intimately, so here they are:

So, My Damn Channel wants us to do some type of blog thingy to kinda introduce ourselves to the people of the internet. Since we don't have any actual "fan mail" (or even "fans" for that matter), I've ripped off a few questions from a Justin Bieber fan site for us to answer. Answer these bad boys and any other questions you can think of to get this bad boy rollin'.

+++++++++++++++++++

If your house was on fire and you could only take one thing with you what would it be?
- Roxy, 13, Detroit

JIM: Hi Roxy. Thanks for watching. I'd probably have to grab my amazing-incredible-pornography box, a.k.a. my computer. Either that or my collection of Simpsons action figures.

THOMAS: Bauer, he's the only hope any of us have for success. And you're an idiot Jim the question clearly stated one thing that you would take and you clearly listed two.

JIM: I get nervous talking to people from Detroit. She probably just wants to steal our stuff.

MITCH: My depression pills.



Where do you get your best love advice?
- Lonely in Little Rock

MITCH: My dad once told me. "never take home the three legged dog from the pound just because you feel sorry for it." That made since when I was 9 and it still does to this day.

JIM: I've tried it all; tarot cards, gypsy palm readings, fortune cookies, magic 8 balls... and I found the best place for you to get your love advise... is from inside your heart :)

THOMAS: I just watch what Mitch does, and it teaches me exactly what NOT to do as far as love is concerned.



If you could  have dinner with 3 people, dead or alive, who would it be?

THOMAS: I don't really care as long as those three people are buying. And it better be some gourmet shit, if I have to go listen to three other people bore me to death I don't want to do it over a Big Mac and fries.

MITCH: Bo Jackson, The Pope, and Dennis Rodman

JIM: Wow Mitch, what are the odds of the Pope even responding to that evite?  I'm going with Jenna Jameson, Pamela Anderson and Angelina Jolie. In their primes. Next question.


How does it feel to be mobbed by screaming girls?

JIM: You get used to it.

THOMAS: Feels normal, they've been doing it my whole life.

MITCH: Sometimes, I don't feel worthy of it all. Other times, it gets annoying having to hear all the jibber-jabber that comes along with it.


Describe your dream girl.

MITCH: I hear your dream girl is actually a version of your mother. So probably an annoying old bitch.

JIM: My dream girl is funny, smart, nice smile, pretty eyes, caring of others, and got an ass so big you can see it from the front.

THOMAS: Depends on my mood. And the season.


What would a fan have to do to date you?

THOMAS: Tell me their daddy was Steven Spielberg, Ron Howard, Jerry Bruckheimer or any such type of person, so that I can leave these clowns of TWG behind and get started on my life doing something that is actually worth a shit.

JIM: Be 18 years old and have a vagina. A trust fund wouldn't hurt either.

MITCH: Have you ever heard of a ballcuzzi?


Where do you see yourself in 10 years?

JIM: Hopefully off of unemployment and out of my parents' basement.

MITCH: Cute cottage near the sea with roommates that make me breakfast and flush the toilet once in a while... or unemployed in my parents basement.

THOMAS: Dating Spielberg's daughter.


How do you deal with all the haters out there?

MITCH: I always carry a butterfly knife I got in Baja. Can't hate when you're getting stabbed.

THOMAS: In the words of Tupac: " Fuck it. I feel like I shine. And I don't give a fuck how many white people, the Media, black people, playa haters, police, whoever, try to darken my shine, Im'a always shine through. "

JIM: Uhhhhh wait what? 


What would you do if all the fame went away tomorrow?

JIM: If all of this fame was suddenly taken away from me, I'd probably blow my head off.

MITCH: It would be a long way to fall, but I'm sure I could still pull ass so who cares.

THOMAS: Be excited that I'd never have to answer stupid questions like these again. Is this really what you want us to do Jimmy? Whataya' stupid or something?


How would you describe your style?

THOMAS: Lazy

JIM:  Oh I dunno, maybe rural-chic with an urban twist.

MITCH: Commando, Ballistic, and Fresh.


How do you maintain such a hot body?

THOMAS: Layers and no AC.

MITCH: Commitment to Excellence.

JIM: More like commitment to purging after every meal. I usually lift like 8 hours a day, 6 days a week.

Editor: Uh, thanks, guys! We'll all be watching you and Bauer every Tuesday at www.MyDamnChannel.com/TheWorstGeneration! And following you on Twitter at @TheWorstGen!  And on Facebook at Facebook.com/TheWorstGeneration!

Otherwise we'll be avoiding Mitch and his butterfly knife.

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Intern Appreciation Day!

Posted in Interns, Maria, My Damn Channel with tags My Damn Channel HQ, interns, internships, Adam Zeelens, Katie Needle, empty nest syndrome on 8/12/2011 12:45:29 PM by Maria

It happens all the time. The birds leave the nest. The cubs leave the cave. The horses leave the stable. Who knows if all of those euphemisms are correct? We're just happy we know what the word "euphemism" means.

But today's the end of summer internships for a couple of the good ones: Adam and Katie.

Adam helped us write pithy one-liners and articles for a blog that we might never be able to share with you at the rate we're going.

Katie dutifully sent t-shirts and pens to about five people over the summer, just like we asked her to.

We're not sure if they learned anything useful during their time with us, but we're pretty happy to share burritos and taco salads with them on their last day.  Nothing quite says, "thank you," like the gift of Mexican cuisine.

So here's to you, sweet summer interns! May your returns to your respective schools and future ventures be as awesome as this past summer, but with a lot less heatpocalypse type stuff.

Maybe our very own Dan Wilburn-- himself a former Professional My Damn Channel Intern-- said it best in his tribute to them on Twitter:

But they were also the BEST kind of mediocre. (And actually, they were awesome all the way through.  Not mediocre. Take it back, Dan Wilburn, take it back.)

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Searching for "My Damn Channel" Part 2

Posted in Josh Meisel, My Damn Channel, That Ain't Right, Twitter with tags twitter, my damn channel, that ain't right, indignance, josh meisel, social networking, search, out of context on 8/12/2011 9:30:00 AM by Josh Meisel

On August 2 we introduced the world to "Searching for 'My Damn Channel,'" a feature on our blog in which we enter "My Damn Channel" into a Twitter search and post tweets tweeted by tweeters who've probably never heard of us! They're pretty much all mad at something, and that ain't right!

Like @Mr_Primetime24:

Bullshit indeed, @Mr.Primetime24. That ain't right.

@cantbNO1_butMe was NOT happy with DIRECTV:

That simply ain't right. I'm impressed she was able to remember her "please's" and "thank you's" in the midst of these wrongdoings.

Our next "my damn channel"er, @ExTREordinary_J, also cares deeply about politeness:

That ain't right, @ExTREordinary_J. I don't even want to know who "she" is.

@_ThePilot was more explicit about the source of his anger:

Words can't describe my sympathies @_ThePilot! Unless those words are "that ain't right!"

Twitter won't display older results.
That ain't right.

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A Conversation About Childrens Hospital, Kind Of.

Posted in Childrens Hospital, Maria, Twitter with tags Childrens Hospital, Adult Swim, Rob Huebel, Steve Agee, Remember That Movie "Innerspace?" Anyone? on 8/10/2011 2:58:50 PM by Maria

So today we were all:



And then Steve Agee was all, like, "Yeah! Totally! Retweet (and some other irrelevant stuff)!"



And finally, Rob Huebel was all, like, "Me, too, guys!"



And so then you watched it:

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