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Welcome to TVgasm WEDNESDAY WOAH WHAT A CRAZY WORLD! It's been a big week so make sure you're comfortable, maybe take your pants off whatever I'm not the cops. First and foremost Cher not only performed live onstage for the first time in years, but also wore the most ridiculous wig possible, and you sort of need to see it to understand. Have you guys heard about the Veronica Mars movie funded entirely via Kickstarter? It's happening. The casting announcement is up. It's now a real thing. If you were ever wondering what your favorite TV characters looked like while receiving oral sex (which I mean….you probably have right?) your prayers have now been answered. Side note: Does Don Draper EVER show emotion? I mean come on.

You should for sure read about these early casting considerations for your favorite shows. What if John Cusack was Walter White?! What if Al Gore had been elected?! These are the questions that keep me up at night. It's been a big week for Kanye too, let's not forget. He released his new album Yeezus, featuring God, and he released a new baby, featuring his wife, Kim. Let's see what TVgasm has

This week:

Do you guys think Kim Kardashian will be a good mom? My guess is that she'll forget her baby in a Taco Bell, but maybe I'm just jumping to assumptions. It could just as easily be a Popeyes or something.

Big Brother 15 is coming all too soon, and you need to be prepared for it. Let TVgasm help you out!

Remember: It's not "abandoning" a child if you eventually find it in the Wendy's bathroom you forgot it in.

Tweet me about that time your parents lost you @Sam_the_stone

Luckily for you it's another TVgasm Tuesday, because if it weren't how would you know that Justin Bieber has broken the world record for douchiest purchase?! Did you guys catch the Tony's?! If not, 1) What is wrong with you? get out! Who are you?! and 2) You can catch up right now! But beware, Neil Patrick Harris will steal your heart and never give it back. Also, John Oliver has officially taken over the Daily Show for the summer, and I think we can all agree it kind of feels like mom remarried and her new husband is making us call him dad. Too real? Maybe, but I have a lot of feelings. Lastly, I think we can all sleep a little easier knowing that a Dumb and Dumber sequel will not be made. Let's just let it end, and put Jim Carrey down for a nap, ya know? Let's see what TVgasm has 

This week:

Ok I know we just talked about this, but I just think it's important to stay up to date on the important cultural events of our modern world, and in the spirit of that I present to you a recap of the most recent Princesses Long Island

Do you have a sneaking suspicion Andy Cohen is a robot that the bravo network created out of a Ralph Lauren mannequin? Have you ever felt personally victimized by the Real Housewives of Orange County? You're not alone.

How could Kanye West ignore his giant pregnant wife!? Find out on the internets newest web series: It's TV!! With Ronnie and Carrie

Remember: Don't let the Biebs get you down, you too can be the douchiest person in the world! Just spend a couple hundred thousand dollars on something (anything really) with zebra print

Tweet me your Bravo conspiracy theories @Sam_the_stone

It's another TVgasm Thursday! Did you know Beyoncé is in the Illuminati?! Yeah I didn't either, but apparently there's a whole slew of celebrities that are illuminati on the down low. You can get the full run down here. Also, praise the teeny tiny baby jesus, Kristin Wiig is gonna be in another movie (with Darren Criss #swoon). If you can believe it, Two and A Half Men will be getting even weirder with the newly announced addition to the family. Since a girl will be joining the cast, and Angus T Jones is approximately 45 by now, I'm assuming the show will now be called Three Men, a Woman, and Weird Sexual Tension. 

Jennifer Love Hewitt is now pregnant, and honestly, I don't even want to know how many names her baby will have (for the record my guess is six and then one with a hyphen). And finally Bravo premiered "Princesses: Long Island", which is apparently like a trashy Grey Gardens and you can read all about it. Let's see what TVgasm has

This Week

Well we all saw it coming: Bravo's newest show is called "Eat Drink Love". It's just like the movie, except it's set in LA, it's about the culinary scene, and also it's nothing like the movie. 

While we're on the subject of (terrible) Bravo shows set in CA, I think it's time we offer the (terrible) women of The Real Housewives of Orange County some (terrible) advice. Click to read this weeks Dear Tvgasm.

What can I say to Amanda Bynes at this point that I haven't already? Listen Amanda you're a treasure. A real American cultural gem. I'd be surprised if Nick Cage didn't try to kidnap you in the next National Treasure. Please, please never stop your hijinks. 

Remember: If you're on Princesses Long Island and you're reading this…..do you….uh….wanna get drinks or something

Tweet me (but only if you're a Long Island Princess) @Sam_the_stone

Welcome to another TVgasm Tuesday! Let's just all start our days off right with the news that Fast and Furious 6 has beat out The Hangover III in box office sales. In related news, black is now white, up is down, and Vin Diesel is making popular films. I don't want to seem overdramatic but the world is ending, and this movie makes me want to set myself on fire. Jimmy Fallon did a tribute to Game of Thrones on his show which you should watch. It's being described by critics as "pretty good" and "not terrible" and "probably not the worst thing you'll see today" so I think it's definitely worth checking out. 

Joseph Gordon Levitt has released the trailer for his new movie Don Jon, which is centers around a guy addicted to porn. So…..semi-autobiographical? Who knows, I'm just hoping Zooey Deschanel doesn't pop up out of nowhere in this one. Let's see what TVgasm has for us

This week:

Surprise Surprise Amanda Bynes has been busted for weed (again? I can't keep track of her shenanigans), but don't worry, she wasn't smoking out of a bong, it was just "a vase". They should use this stuff for a sitcom about her life! They could call it The Amanda Show or something……..oh.

I don't know about you, but I have a lot of questions about Will Smith and his entire family. What's concerning Jaden enough to make him furrow his brow in every picture he takes? Can Willow beat me up? Let's get some answers together.

Remember: Always be vigilant for Zooey Deschanel hiding somewhere getting ready to surprise you. She can fit into really small places, and her bangs are really good camouflage.

Tweet me how many more Fast and Furious movies they'll make @Sam_the_stone.

It's TVgasm Tuesday! Ok The Office is over (this is the last time I will write about it, I promise, I just have a lot of emotions), and you should read this to cope with the horrible void that's been left. As you probably know, the Billboard Music Awards happened, but did you know there was an insanely awkward full minute of booing for Justin Bieber. Bieber later described the event as "not swaggy in the slightest". There was also some sass coming from Miley Cyrus and Taylor Swift, and I can't wait for the inevitable feud. Although, Taylor Swift was not in any position to judge, considering she looked like Lizzie Mcguire on picture day. That's not a euphemism they literally have the same shirt. So I don't know how to say this in a non-caps lock way but BEYONCÉ RELEASED A NEW SONG (and it's not a weird avant-garde cover of an Amy Winehouse song!).

In case you were just beginning to feel good about yourself, here's an interview of Jaden Smith proving that he's cooler than everyone, and will probably be the first person to win a rap battle on the moon. And, lastly, as a special gift to the world, Seth Macfarlane has promised to not host the Oscars next year (although I stand by my statement that he could marry me). Let's see what TVgasm has

This Week:

In addition to releasing a new song, it's being reported that Beyoncé will also be releasing a new baby into the world. JUST KIDDING. Jay-Z has denied the rumors, but really who knows at this point? I mean….Beyoncé and her uterus probably, but not the rest of the world. I just like the suspense!

Ok Lindsey Lohan is in rehab right now, and has somehow managed to start a feud. From rehab. With someone else in rehab. I guess she's been calling this woman a "drug addict" which seems…..accurate if not so creative. Click for the full story!

I know I've been excited about Anchorman 2,. so you can imagine the overreaction I had when I watched the newly released trailer. Click to here to watch for yourself, but be aware, you might poop your pants. Don't say I didn't warn you.

Remember: Pooping your pants is socially acceptable if you make a public joke about it…..ha…ha…..right? Al Roker? Anyone?

Tweet me fun poop jokes….please @Sam_The_Stone

Welcome to another TVgasm Thursday, brought to you by…..finals week and also several long flights I was on. Important things are happening. Things you should know about. Namely renewals and cancellations for next season. The New Normal has (finally, thank god) been cancelled because, I assume, people got tired of looking at Andrew Rannells' perfect Ken Doll hair. Smash has also been cancelled because, I assume, people finally realized it didn't make sense. I love you Smash, but there's only so many times a character can go to a karaoke bar, like they have to do other stuff you know?

Also, Bill Hader is leaving SNL, and The Office is ending, and everything that I love is disappearing. Let's see what TVgasm has

This Week:

Do you remember how we talked about the ridiculous amount of money The Real Housewives make? Well now they're asking for more (naturally, because replacing your entire face every five years gets expensive!). On a related note, this country is in a recession, but more importantly who can blame The Countess for wanting a few more bucks?

On a much happier note, Arrested Development has released a trailer for their new season, and it doesn't disappoint ! They're also doing some really cool marketing stuff you should check out!

Macauly Culkin, what happened to you?! You used to be adorable and hilarious and now you're…..addicted to coke? He's a party monster, but like…an actual monster. The scary kind. I'll let TVgasm give you the gritty, blonde, slightly off putting details

Remember: You too can have perfect Andrew Rannells hair, but you'll probably have to sacrifice everything else in your life

Tweet me what the next Real Housewives vacation destination should be! @Sam_the_Stone (my vote is for the jungles of Madagascar)

Welcome to another TVgasm Tuesday! Because I've made it my duty to inform the general public of pertinent and important information, I think I should tell you right away about the social event of the year, nay….the decade. It's a Honey Boo Boo wedding, y'all. If my sources are correct the theme will be "The Victorian Era" and it will take place at Buckinham Palace where Queen Elizabeth will be the ring bearer/flower girl. Do you want to feel bad about yourself!? Of course you do! Go read about how much more money The Real Housewives make than you.  I mean sure, I haven't bought groceries in a few weeks, but it makes sense that these women get paid millions of dollars for drinking white wine and fake laughing all day. 

Ok this one actually cheered me up a little bit after my post Real Housewives-rage: Justin Bieber reportedly got attacked/humped/hugged while on stage at a concert in Dubai. Ah to be a young desperate horny Justin Bieber fan in Dubai! Oh…just kidding that actually sounds like the worst. And last, but most certainly not least, it's now being reported that Steve Carrel will for sure be returning for the series finale of the Office! What are these feelings I'm feeling? Happy, horribly depressed, lonely, ecstatic? Let's see what TVgasm has

This Week:

Joe Francis could face up to five years in jail for assaulting some women after taking them to his home. Who would have thought the creator of "Girl Gone Wild" wouldn't have respect for women?!

Do you guys remember Fantasia Barrino? She won American Idol at some point, and then she probably did some other stuff (like the Wendy Williams Show, and The Color Purple). Let's find out together what her deal is!

Please tell me you've been following the Lindsey Lohan going to rehab drama. First she was going, and then she wasn't going, and now she's there….but for how long? My guess is she'll somehow take over the rehab facility in some kind of Lord of the Flies type drama. 

Remember: If you're ever in need of money, put on some press-on nails, dye your skin fluorescent orange, and wait for Bravo to arrive to start taping you

Tweet me your Honey Boo Boo wedding vows @Sam_The_Stone

It's another TVgasm Tuesday! Did you know Zach Braff is back and at it again? What a rascal! He started (and then like four days and 2 million dollars later successfully ended) a Kickstarter campaign for his new movie "Wish I Was Here". The film is a follow up to "Garden State", and by that I mean I will fall asleep watching it. In much more exciting news the Mad Men writers are working on a new show centered around NASA in the 60's, and, if they follow the hundreds of suggestions I've sent in, centered around Joan Harris and Adam West as Batman.

It's being reported that NBC has ordered what has been described (by me right now) as possibly the most terrifying gameshow concept ever called Million Second Quiz. I'll let you read the details yourself, but as I understand it, the show's premise is imprisoning people in a giant hourglass for 24 hours straight which is…..somehow legal. I've also heard that Fox has secured the rights to do a remake of "Guys and Dolls" so, aging gay men and my mom, rejoice! Let's see what TVgasm has

This Week:

Good news, no one! Martha Stewart is now on Match.com, so if doilies and veiled passive aggression is your thing, gird your loins because Martha Stewart is coming for you with a vengeance. 

Do you remember Tara Reid? She had a deep smoky voice that some have described as "grossers" and "yucky", and she was in Van Wilder and American Pie 1-19 and probably some other stuff, but I refuse to wikipedia it on principle. Anyways, she recently played the "do you know who I am" card, and it didn't turn out so well. Click for the full story!

Teen Mom Farrah has released a certain illicit tape. An illicit tape that is adult and illicit. (IT'S A NAKED TAPE. SHE RELEASED A NAKED TAPE). Click to get the all the illicit details. 

Remember: If NBC tries to kidnap you during the night to be on the new gameshow, don't try to be a hero

Tweet me lines from Martha Stewarts Match.com bio @Sam_the_stone