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I lost my Oscar.

I don't know where it is! I'm so embarrassed I don't know what to say.  I mean, here I am winning an Oscar for Best Picture of the year, and then the next thing I know Clooney's giving me my eighth shot of anisette and my mother's calling Jenny because Vi shit the bed again or something and bingo-bango my Oscar is missing and the Los Angeles police doesn't seem to give a damn.  

When I realized it was gone last night I cried a little bit, though I don't really remember it.  I do remember that f***ing little princess Anne Hathaway yelling in my face about how she was picked most likely to succeed in high school and how it is totally coming true, and also how Devito was cracking me up talking about his penis but I can't - remember - where - my - Oscar - is.  This sucks.  I earned that Oscar!  It's mine!

Oh well, maybe the Academy will get me another one.  I still have the one I won for writing with Matt, but this one is cooler - I mean, would you rather win an Oscar with Matt Damon or George Clooney?   Kind of a no brainer, though Matt's cool, don't get me wrong, but he only has a single Oscar and I have two - well, I've won two but like I said, I lost the one last night.  

That doesn't change the fact that I didn't win it, though!  And that's enough.  Jenny says that's enough.  And I think it is, I just wouldn't mind having the Oscar, the actual thing, but whatever.  I had a fun night.  Maybe it'll turn up.  Regardless, I am truly blessed.  I have to call and thank everyone for making last night so special and maybe throw a brick through Anne Hathaway's window because she sucks.

Bye bye, diary!

Sincerely, with love,

Two-time Academy Award Winner,

Benjamin Affleck

Did you guys watch the IAWTV Awards last night?!? Of course you did! And since you did, you already know, it's time to congratulate Daily Grace for winning TWO awards last night!

Best Host (Taped)
Best Taped Hosted Series for Daily Grace!

Read the full list of winners on Variety and on The Daily Dot.

If you missed the IAWTV Awards, you can watch the recorded version on Dailymotion.

Congratulations Grace! And congratulations to ALL the winners!

(Image via Tumblr user havelogicwilltravel)

1/14/13

Dear Diary,

So. Hung. Over.  

Haha, OMG, last night was one of the best, craziest nights of my life!  I didn't just win one Golden Globe, I won two!  How amazing is that?

So the night started pretty much like you'd expect.  A little blow in the limo just to get the feeling right; I only do that kind of thing before big awards shows nowadays, unless of course I'm hanging out with Damon.  They don't call him "China White" for nothing.

The red carpet is always the same.  I hate it.  I know I'm an actor and I should be used to the attention but I don't, I just don't.  Too many eyes on me.  I get uncomfortable.  I sweat.  I have dark thoughts.  Thank god I have Jenny with me.  I don't think I could have bared the prying eyes any longer if not for my beautiful angel protecting me on that red carpet.  I love you, baby.

But once I'm inside the hotel, I come alive!  All my friends are there, the Mike's Hard Lemonade is flowing, and I'm feeling groovy!  Not worried about winning or losing at this point, just looking to have a good time and catch up with friends I haven't seen in a long time.  I mean, how often do I get to make fun of Anne Hathaway with Jennifer Lawrence?  Hathaway's mouth is freakin' huge, LOL!

And then the ceremony starts and Tina and Amy totally are killing it and next thing you know Jodie's speech is totally confusing me and I'm hoisting a best director statue!  So thrilling.  Like, of course I said that winning doesn't mean as much as being mentioned in the same breath as the other directors nominated but we all know that's a load of bullshit.  You play to win the game, simple as that.  Maybe DeNiro will start taking my calls now that I've finally won a globe.  

More Mike's Hard and kisses with Jenny and then Argo wins best picture.  The best.  Night.  Ever.  Standing onstage with all of those talented people looking at all of the drunk A-listers applauding me is like standing atop Mount Olympus as Zeus bathes you in the golden tear drops of Helen of Troy.  Boner city, LOL.

After that we went to the after party and I don't even think I can even write down an account of the debauchery that transpired.  Let me just say Clooney doesn't always get naked, but when he does, you KNOW it's a good night.  And then let me say John Goodman doesn't always get naked, but when he does you know we're heading to White Castle sooner than later.  I know, so Hollywood, right? ;)

Okay I need to take some Advil and get in the hot tob with my Golden Globes.  It's been so amazing.  I love the me that I am.  I love Jenny.  I love movies!!!!  Haha, ok, ok, bye for now diary.

Yours,

Ben

PS - Arkin's head isn't the only thing that's bald :-p

1/10/13

Dear Diary,

Jennifer tells me not to worry but I am mad.  The Oscar nominations came out today and I didn't get nominated for Best Director!  Snubbed.  I mean, Argo was nominated for Best Picture and I'm proud of that - but I wanted to be nominated for Best Director!  It just kind of hurts that the Academy didn't think my work was worthy of a nomination - and also, I dunno what they're playing at, but that guy Michael Haneke was nominated and he isn't even an American - and neither is Ang Lee!  What's up with that?  I'm American, born and raised.  I'm from BOSTON, damnit!  I think the Academy should show some respect - Jenny agrees with me on this, too.  She's the best :) Hi, baby! I know you're reading this!

Damon came over with some Mike's Hard.  We sat in the den and talked about the Oscars and then Matt popped in Good Will Hunting again…Always the bridesmaid, never the bride, I guess.  I mean, we both wrote the script, but I wasn't "Will"; I wasn't the star, I didn't get nominated for Best Actor, Matt did.  It's OK though, he means well.  Jenny reminded me that Matt's new movie Promised Land got bad reviews and that made me feel a little better.  I know he's my friend, but sometimes I can't help but smile when a movie of his tanks a little, LOL. 

After that I kinda just hung out around the house for a while.  I'm trying to learn how to play "Hold On Loosely" on the guitar but I just can't get it.  The chords hurt my fingers and I got frustrated so I just stopped and went to the computer and played Bejeweled while a "Cheers" re-run played on a tv in the background.  Eventually Jenny came in and gave me a hug and that made me feel better, so I got up and the two of us went to an ice cream parlor to get sundaes.  Unfortunately a dude with a camera was there trying to get pictures of us so I had to pull a knife on him (don't worry, I didn't have to stab him).

Somehow, Jenny and I were able to sneak out the back and we drove up to our favorite lookout spot in Malibu. As the sun set, I held my likable and charming yet still-able-to-kick-some-a** actress wife and couldn't help but wish I were holding a best director academy award statue instead. Sorry, baby. I know you're reading this :(

After about 40 minutes we were ready to head home and now here I am writing this entry.  All and all it was an OK day.  I didn't get nominated for Best Director but there's always next time.  And who knows, maybe we'll win Best Picture!  I have to count my blessings. 

Your friend,

Ben

The 3rd Annual Streamy Awards were tonight in Los Angeles, and My Damn Channel was honored to be there!

Congratulations to Grace Helbig for winning the first and last awards of the night! Click the links to see her acceptance speeches:

- Best First Person Series for Daily Grace
- Audience Choice Personality of the Year

Thanks to all of Grace's fans for voting for her! Five Gracefaces to all of you! And congratulations to all of tonight's Streamy winners and nominees!

The IAWTV awards are Tuesday night and I just wanted to make sure all you little web junkies remember to watch it as it streams live!

We at My Damn Channel are honored to be nominated amongst so many talented web content creators.

Daily Grace, Beth Hoyt, and Mark Malkoff will all be in attendance along with our fearless leader, our Founder/CEO Rob Barnett!

Check out the IAWTV awards Tuesday night at 6pm PT at iawtvawards.org

UPDATE: Congratulations to Grace Helbig for winning TWO IAWTV Awards! Best Host (Taped) and Best Taped Hosted Series for Daily Grace!

It's FRIDAY. Who's excited? YOU are excited. Do you know why you're excited? Do not fear, I will tell you all of the reasons...

Reason number 1: This Sunday, February 17th, we all get to watch the Streamy Awards LIVE at 3pm PT/6pm ET! Which I am SURE you know about, considering you voted for Daily Grace. Watch them at Streamys.org!

Reason number 2: THE CRESTY AWARDS...The Cresty Awards? YES! The Cresty Awards. [ed. note: That's not really a thing. That's just what we're calling them.] Go onto ryanseacrest.com NOW and VOTE! You have TWO days, I repeat, TWO last days to vote for Daily Grace as your favorite YouTube Personality.

Reason number 3: It's Friday. Duh.

Tweet me your exciting voting experience @eczwiebel

Who loves to vote? Everyone! Everyone loves to vote. What's more fun than making a totally subjective decision about who is the best at something, then making that decision official by putting it to a vote?  NOTHING! So, to all you Daily Grace fans, if you love voting so much I'll give you three opportunities to do so:

1. The Streamy Awards 

Grace is up for a Fan Favorite Streamy Award… Go vote for her now!

2. The Shorty Awards

Grace is also up for a Video Blogger Shorty Award… Go vote for her now!

3. The Cresty Awards

Wait, they're not called that? What are they called? The Ryan Seacrest Awards maybe? Either way, Grace is up for  Favorite YouTube Personality on RyanSeacrest.com… Go vote for her now!

I LOVE VOTING! Tweet me so I know you do, too! @MrChrisDonahue