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  • The Night Feed

    Ben Affleck's Diary - Golden Globes Edition


    Dear Diary,

    So. Hung. Over.  

    Haha, OMG, last night was one of the best, craziest nights of my life!  I didn't just win one Golden Globe, I won two!  How amazing is that?

    So the night started pretty much like you'd expect.  A little blow in the limo just to get the feeling right; I only do that kind of thing before big awards shows nowadays, unless of course I'm hanging out with Damon.  They don't call him "China White" for nothing.

    The red carpet is always the same.  I hate it.  I know I'm an actor and I should be used to the attention but I don't, I just don't.  Too many eyes on me.  I get uncomfortable.  I sweat.  I have dark thoughts.  Thank god I have Jenny with me.  I don't think I could have bared the prying eyes any longer if not for my beautiful angel protecting me on that red carpet.  I love you, baby.

    But once I'm inside the hotel, I come alive!  All my friends are there, the Mike's Hard Lemonade is flowing, and I'm feeling groovy!  Not worried about winning or losing at this point, just looking to have a good time and catch up with friends I haven't seen in a long time.  I mean, how often do I get to make fun of Anne Hathaway with Jennifer Lawrence?  Hathaway's mouth is freakin' huge, LOL!

    And then the ceremony starts and Tina and Amy totally are killing it and next thing you know Jodie's speech is totally confusing me and I'm hoisting a best director statue!  So thrilling.  Like, of course I said that winning doesn't mean as much as being mentioned in the same breath as the other directors nominated but we all know that's a load of bullshit.  You play to win the game, simple as that.  Maybe DeNiro will start taking my calls now that I've finally won a globe.  

    More Mike's Hard and kisses with Jenny and then Argo wins best picture.  The best.  Night.  Ever.  Standing onstage with all of those talented people looking at all of the drunk A-listers applauding me is like standing atop Mount Olympus as Zeus bathes you in the golden tear drops of Helen of Troy.  Boner city, LOL.

    After that we went to the after party and I don't even think I can even write down an account of the debauchery that transpired.  Let me just say Clooney doesn't always get naked, but when he does, you KNOW it's a good night.  And then let me say John Goodman doesn't always get naked, but when he does you know we're heading to White Castle sooner than later.  I know, so Hollywood, right? ;)

    Okay I need to take some Advil and get in the hot tob with my Golden Globes.  It's been so amazing.  I love the me that I am.  I love Jenny.  I love movies!!!!  Haha, ok, ok, bye for now diary.



    PS - Arkin's head isn't the only thing that's bald :-p


  • The Night Feed

    Die Hard

    Well, I have no idea why I am at work today.  I am not sure why anyone is at work today.  I have no idea why July 15th isn't a national holiday, because, on this day in 1988, Die Hard was released.

    Need I say more?  Die Hard is an absolute classic, an American masterpiece right up there with Casablanca and The Godfather.  The fact that the American people are expected to work on such a day - a day when indelible lines like, "Hans, bubby, I'm your white knight" and "Welcome to the party, pal!" were first heard by moviegoers - is a crime paramount to high treason and I will be writing a letter to my congressmen, you can be sure of that, and I suggest that you do the same.

    Die Hard.  I've seen the movie a lot.  It's the kind of flick that when it comes on the TV, you watch it.  You watch it for the masterful performances by Bruce Willis and Alan Rickman, whose portrayal of Hans Gruber might be the best acting job in the history of cinema.  You watch it for Reginald "Carl Winslow" VelJohnson play yet another cop.  But most of all you watch it because you are an American, gosh darn it, and nothing says proud American like Die Hard.  God bless the USA, indeed.  

    Follow me on Twitter: @DannyMoney


  • Gilbert Gets It

    Celebrity Wife Swap with Gilbert Gottfried

    Comedian Gilbert Gottfried is well known for his loud and offensive stand-up routine (and his My Damn Channel series, Gilbert Gets It).  Just listen to his version of the classic The Aristocrats joke.  Pretty offensive!  Gilbert is legendary as a real comedian's comedian to whom no subject is off limits.

    But did you know that, in real life, Gilbert is a shy, doting father and husband?  In this excellent New York Times article on Gilbert and his wife Dara Gottfried, we see that behind that grating stage voice there's a really sweet guy who loves his family.

    Then again, does he really love his family?  I mean, I'm sure he's a nice person and all that, but what kind of an individual would subject themselves and their family to the perils of "Celebrity Wife Swap", the ABC reality show where spouses are switched to see what the hell happens.  It's a crazy show, and Gilbert and his wife are going to be featured on tonight's episode at 8 PM, swapping spouses with Alan Thicke.  

    I think everyone should tune in tonight: if his past is any indication, I'm sure Gilbert won't let an opportunity to offend people on national television slip through his fingers.  It's what he does best!  That, and, you know, raise his children.


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