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Welcome, once again, to TVgasm Tuesday! I have some very good news and some very, very bad news for you guys. First, the good news (actually two pieces of good news): Tina Fey and Amy Poehler are for sure hosting the Golden Globes this year, so I can die happy AND Beyonce is for sure performing at the Super Bowl halftime show, which is probably the thing that will kill me. I don't really know how to break the bad news to you guys. You know when you see someone on the street, and you're like "Oh God I would hate to ever see that person having sex", and….well I guess what I'm trying to say is Hulk Hogan released a sex tape, which I can now add to the list of things I hate more than global warming and racists. Ok, try to stop barfing, and let's see what TVgasm has for us

This Week:

If there's one thing we don't need on this earth it is more celebrity offspring. At some point they have to just run out of random nouns to name their children right? Space-heater? Scissors? Are we going to keep pretend these are appropriate names, America? Click to find out which celeb is thinking about children.

Who doesn't scream "SHUT UP" at their TV while watching Bravo shows? I know I do, and so does TVgasm. Read this weeks Watch What Happens Recap because who knows Maybe Jill Zarin will finally figure out what it is she's trying to say with all that talking.

Have you heard about Lindsay Lohan's new movie "Liz & Dick"? She's scheduled to be interviewed by Barbara Walters to promote the movie, and TVgasm has the full story. I assume by "interview" it means Babs and Linds will share a few bong rips and reminisce about the 90's (the Walters-Lohan golden years)

Remember: Don't, under any circumstances, watch Hulk Hogan's sex tape. This isn't even a joke, I'm just trying to save you, Internet.

Welcome to another TVgasm Tuesday (on Wednesday. It's my editor's fault. [ed. note: mea culpa!]). I'm gonna try to keep this short because we have a lot to talk about. I guess we should talk first about last Saturday's SNL. Justin Timberlake hosted for the fifth time, and, I don't want to oversell it, here, but it was the best thing to ever happen to the world. In less exciting news, you can now go on a cruise with Weezer. Yeah, I had to read it a few times too. I guess you just go on a cruise and Weezer is there and they play songs, and you pretend it's the mid-90's and talk about the Olsen twins and the musical RENT (those are 90's things right?). 

Do you guys remember a few months ago when NBC was in talks to create a spin-off from The Office based on Dwight's beet farm? Yeah I wasn't too crazy about it, either, and NBC never actually made it... BUT, apparently this week's episode of The Office is supposed to introduce the entire Schrute family. I guess what I'm saying is, go read this article and then tweet me things about The Office this Thursday. Also, Mad Men's season 6 promo posters are out, and you can click here to have HuffPo overanalyze it for you!

This week on TVgasm:

Joan Rivers is well-known as the busiest woman in Hollywood (or wherever she lives. New York? A gas station?), and she's at it again with her new web series. Click here to get the details. 

Did you guys hear about the Tina Fey/Amy Poehler/Taylor Swift triangle of animosity? No?! Check out TVgasm to get the details. Taylor Swift, why couldn't you have just written a song about this and saved us the trouble... trouble... trouble! You all have such rhymeable names!

There's been a lot of drama surrounding ABC's The View recently, and ABC has finally  revealed that one of the ladies will be leaving? Which one? I couldn't tell you, but as long as it's not Whoopi, everything is fine. I can't start my day off without those Crocs.

Remember: One day Joan Rivers will revert back to her natural form: a crocodile skin purse, and on that day I'll be standing here with a smile and an aggressive "I told you so"

Tweet me your deepest darkest secrets @Sam_the_stone

It's another TVgasm Tuesday, and if you somehow don't know, the SAG awards happened. Check out the red carpet highlights here, and definitely make sure you watch the best acceptance speech of the night by (shocker) Tina Fey. I laughed. I cried. It was only a minute long, but it was an emotional roller coaster. 30 Rock airs its series finale this Thursday, so this was just a little taste of wha'ts to come. Don't be surprised if I'm an emotional wreck next Tuesday. It was formally announced that J.J. Abrams will be directing the new Star Wars movie, and the internet is PISSED. The "Jar Jar Abrams" jokes have already started, and I think it's safe to say that we're in for some pretty lewd gifs in the weeks to come. In unsurprising news, Frank Ocean wants to bring charges against Chris Brown after the "alleged" incident, officially making Chris Brown a [REDACTED] in the eyes of the public. Let's see what TVgasm has for us

This Week:

If you liked Tina Fey's Bossypants, get excited, because Amy Poehler has reportedly signed a book contract, herself. Now, I don't want to hyperbolize how excited I am, but I will be using this book as my new Bible when it's finally published. Click to read all the deets at TVgasm!

Well, if writing TVgasm has taught me anything, it's that for every piece of great work that is set to be created, there is an equally terrible thing that has been greenlit. It's Newton's third law of whatever or something. So when I heard about this terrible new talk show, I can't say I was surprised just deeply deeply disappointed. 

Have you been watching Top Chef? If you HAVE been watching, you probably know that there are a few people who could use some well-intentioned advice, or even some advice that is NOT well-intentioned. TVgasm is here to offer some (possibly not so) well-intentioned advice.

Remember: There's no shame in weeping openly at your own television.

Tell me what those crazy Real Housewives are up to at @Sam_The_Stone

It's another TVgasm Tuesday, and just in time, too! I mean for one thing, The Golden Globes happened, and Amy Poehler and Tina Fey were perf as expected. Bill Clinton showed up, so you know it was an awesome party. Justin Timberlake released a new song (from his album which will be dropping later this year) called Suit and Tie, and no one really knows how to feel about it. Finally, and this one may be the biggest deal of all, NBC leaked the first half episode of the new season of SMASH, you can watch it here, and then tell me what you think. Personally, I'm a big fan of Jennifer Hudson singing loudly AND Jeremy Jordan's arms, so overall I was pretty happy with it. Let's see if anything TVgasm has can top Jeremy Jordan's heart-melting arms...

This Week:

Did you see that kind of awkward moment at the Golden Globes where someone made fun of Taylor Swift, and she kind of looked like she was going to cry? What's that? Oh, just that she ALWAYS looks like she's going to cry? Maybe some advice from TVgasm could help her out.

The original pop-star trainwreck mess, Britney Spears, has some sad news to share, and unfortunately it is not that she's following in the steps of her diva nemesis LiLo by starring in a Lifetime movie. Click to find out what happened.

I'm sure you've heard a lot about the new Kardashian baby, but has anyone actually taken the time to interview the fetus to see what his (her?) opinion is on all of the controversy? TVgasm took the initiative, and found a way to get this baby to write a blog post. Check it out!

Remember: If Justin Timberlake forces you to listen to his new single in front of him, just smile and nod and tell him it sounds like he finally "found his voice" or something nonsensical like that. Singers love that.

Tweet me all your unruly opinions! @Sam_the_stone

David Wain, Fred Armisen, Janeane Garofalo, Amy Miles, Matt Ballard, Michele Federer, Zandy Hartig and Jon Spurney made UCBeast the best place to be in all of New York City last night.

Ohmygoodnessgraciousicantbelieveiteverythingwassoawesomeandamazing.

Were you there? Did you miss it? Are you sad? You should be sad if you missed it. If you didn't miss it, then you should overjoyed and you're probably still glowing from being exposed to this much awesomeness at one time. Yeah... it's like you're radioactive but, like, radioactive with AWESOMENESS.

If you'd like to get a taste of what you missed, here's the original episode of "Rochelle," which David Wain and crew performed last night. It's a two-parter!