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TVgasm Tuesday is here yet again, and just in time, too. I've been having withdrawals from reality TV. I can't SLEEP. I can't EAT (sort of). I need my fix of snark and ridiculousness. This is kind of starting to sound like a drug addiction. Whatever I can stop anytime I want, and I don't need your judgement.

This week:

Do you guys remember SMASH? I loved it, and I refuse to be ashamed. Sure it didn't make sense, but there was singing and dancing and a lot of crying, which is all I really want in a show. TVgasm has the scoop on the newest addition to next season's cast.

I've been worried about the Jersey Shore kids for a while now. What are they going to do after the show ends? They're all insane, and I'm pretty sure they don't have any marketable skills so getting a job is out of the picture. TVgasm was thinking along the same lines, and thoughtfully wrote a letter to the cast with some sound advice.

Ok this is a big one: TVgasm posted a new podcast called "Watch What Crappens", and it's basically three dudes talking about everything I love. Go listen for the gossip on The Real Housewives, Million Dollar Listing, and more!

Remember: TV is good for you, just like vegetables and exercise. Trust me, I'm a doctor.

Not really. I mean, this isn't exactly a tutorial. It's more like a "how to do your taxes if you're Grace's brother Tim." Although Tim and I did do our taxes in a similar manner: we both used springtime drinks to get us through it.

That's not illegal, right? I mean, as long as the numbers are right, right?

PS: This is also an open letter to the IRS to please never audit me. Or Tim.

If you were watching My Damn Channel LIVE today (and of course you were, because you're all fantastic fans of My Damn Channel), you'll remember the part of the show when Grace said "I got hit by a bike and then had to make a video for My Damn Channel and it was the saddest vlog ever!"

Or something like that.

Well I found it for you. HERE IT IS.

Because I love you. Not in that way, but, you know, like, as a friend. As a friend whom I've never met except on the internet.

xoxo,
Maria

The love of my life, Mamrie Hart, was in the office for our BIG LIVE BIRTHDAY SHOW on Wednesday so obviously my initial reaction was, "Oh my God! Girl, what do I do?" Well I have so much steez you guys, you know what I do? I take the most awkward picture possible!

After this picture I Deserved a Drink… or two… or way more. Talking to girls is just too stressful, especially ones that are your soul mate. Mamrie and I will one day share the most romantic, beautiful date and it will only be as awkward as I make it (super awkward).

Tweet @MrChrisDonahue Love.

Are you guys ready to celebrate the Fourth of July... on a Wednesday... and go to work the next day? Me neither!

1. Speaking of America, how drunk are you going to get on Wednesday: just a little drunk or are you gonna get Drunk Baby drunk? I work in a bar so I'll fall asleep that night like a baby-- an extremely drunk baby.

2. Did you guys find babysitters for your kids since you're gonna be wasted on Wednesday? I really wouldn't mind if my kid had a babysitter like Steve's!

3. Speaking of amazing dads, how about the premiere of Louie season 3 this week? I was drunk when I watched it but I still remember liking it! I mean, Louis C.K. is the boss of comedy.

4. You know who's NOT the boss? Tony Danza! You know who's a dick? Tony Danza!

5. Healthcare, ugh. The only difference between healthcare and the internet is that I actually have the internet. Zing!

I talked about drinking a lot this week but I promise I'm not an alcoholic! @MrChrisDonahue