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  • My Damn Channel LIVE

    Who Did It Better: Cryface

    Did you guys catch Saturday Night Live last weekend? Anne Hathaway hosted the show for the third time and during the Homeland parody sketch she did an impression of Claire Danes doing her patented cry face.

    Hmmmm... that looks pretty familar Anne. Where might I have seen that before? Oh that's right, Beth has been honing her Claire Danes cry face for months!

    Clearly I have a conflict of interest on the matter (my cousin was a PA on Get Smart) so I won't give my opinion on who did it better. But who do you guys think pulled the "Cryface" off with more panache?

    -Dean
    @Petersoncinema

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  • The Night Feed

    Ben Affleck's Diary - Golden Globes Edition

    1/14/13


    Dear Diary,


    So. Hung. Over.  


    Haha, OMG, last night was one of the best, craziest nights of my life!  I didn't just win one Golden Globe, I won two!  How amazing is that?


    So the night started pretty much like you'd expect.  A little blow in the limo just to get the feeling right; I only do that kind of thing before big awards shows nowadays, unless of course I'm hanging out with Damon.  They don't call him "China White" for nothing.


    The red carpet is always the same.  I hate it.  I know I'm an actor and I should be used to the attention but I don't, I just don't.  Too many eyes on me.  I get uncomfortable.  I sweat.  I have dark thoughts.  Thank god I have Jenny with me.  I don't think I could have bared the prying eyes any longer if not for my beautiful angel protecting me on that red carpet.  I love you, baby.


    But once I'm inside the hotel, I come alive!  All my friends are there, the Mike's Hard Lemonade is flowing, and I'm feeling groovy!  Not worried about winning or losing at this point, just looking to have a good time and catch up with friends I haven't seen in a long time.  I mean, how often do I get to make fun of Anne Hathaway with Jennifer Lawrence?  Hathaway's mouth is freakin' huge, LOL!


    And then the ceremony starts and Tina and Amy totally are killing it and next thing you know Jodie's speech is totally confusing me and I'm hoisting a best director statue!  So thrilling.  Like, of course I said that winning doesn't mean as much as being mentioned in the same breath as the other directors nominated but we all know that's a load of bullshit.  You play to win the game, simple as that.  Maybe DeNiro will start taking my calls now that I've finally won a globe.  


    More Mike's Hard and kisses with Jenny and then Argo wins best picture.  The best.  Night.  Ever.  Standing onstage with all of those talented people looking at all of the drunk A-listers applauding me is like standing atop Mount Olympus as Zeus bathes you in the golden tear drops of Helen of Troy.  Boner city, LOL.


    After that we went to the after party and I don't even think I can even write down an account of the debauchery that transpired.  Let me just say Clooney doesn't always get naked, but when he does, you KNOW it's a good night.  And then let me say John Goodman doesn't always get naked, but when he does you know we're heading to White Castle sooner than later.  I know, so Hollywood, right? ;)


    Okay I need to take some Advil and get in the hot tob with my Golden Globes.  It's been so amazing.  I love the me that I am.  I love Jenny.  I love movies!!!!  Haha, ok, ok, bye for now diary.


    Yours,

    Ben


    PS - Arkin's head isn't the only thing that's bald :-p

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  • The Night Feed

    5 Things You May Have Missed

    1. Anne Hathaway got married! Wasn't she, like, sooooooo prettty? No, I don't know what that big thing on her head is. Yes, I know it's some kind of veil / headpiece / Beats By Dre headphone prototype, but it's still very pretty. Expect brides to start requesting this look when it's time to get "jacked up" on Say Yes To The Dress.

    2. Hotel Transylvania won the box office this weekend! This is the biggest opening for an Adam Sandler movie in a long time. Of course, it's an animated film, so, maybe people are just trying to send Sandler a message about how they want to see him in future films: voice only.

    3. Lindsay Lohan was the victim of a crime! That almost never happens! Usually Lindsay is the one in trouble! Unfortunately, all charges against this alleged perpetrator were dropped. Aw, damn. Still none for you, Lindsay Lohan.

    4. Speaking of Lindsay Lohan, did you see the latest video from our friends at Barely Political? Our very own Grace Helbig and Beth Hoyt play Lindsay Lohan and Amanda Bynes, respectively, who have teamed up to give the public some driving advice! And it's funny because irony!

    5. Finally, today marks the beginning of Breast Cancer Awareness month! Are you a lady? Make sure you do your self-examination! Are you the one out of every three women who are too afraid to do the self-exam? Ask someone to help! I'm sure you will have lots of volunteers.

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  • TVGasm

    TVGASM TUESDAY

    It's TVgasm Tuesday! Did you watch the Oscars on Sunday night? No? That's fine because I did and here's everything you need to know: First and foremost you should know that almost everyone was offended by Seth MacFarlane, even though he charmed the pants off me (granted I wasn't wearing pants to begin with, but here we are). Anne Hathaway's nipples were probably the best-dressed stars on the red carpet, and their appearance reignited everyone's hatred of Anne Hathaway. Specifically our editor's. Kristin Chenoweth is a tiny elf. The internet is shitting its pants about Jennifer Lawrence. All pretty standard.


    Here's some other non-Oscars stuff you should know: We have some more information about the new season of Arrested Devlopment, Maya Rudolph could possibly be hosting a new variety show (why has a big deal not been made about this?!), and Aubrey Plaza talks about food! Let's see what TVgasm has for us...


    This Week:


    I can't be the only one who can't keep all the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills straight, right? Which one is the blonde one with giant boobs again? Don't fear, TVgasm has the definitive RHOBH study guide!


    Click to find out which Jersey Shore star (well, "star" is a bit of a stretch) sold her car on eBay! Here's a hint: she's orange and yells a lot and will probably get leopard print tattooed onto her skin at some point in the future.


    I've always said that Michelle Obama can do no wrong, and I was finally proven absolutely right when she released this video with Jimmy Fallon! Click to watch FLOTUS outshine every other world leader's wife on national TV.


    Remember: If you ever run into Anne Hathaway's nipples, they're more afraid of you than you are of them.

    Tweet me your TV hopes and dreams: Sam_The_Stone


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  • The Night Feed

    Historical Fans

    So Justin Bieber visited the Anne Frank museum and wrote “Truly inspiring to be able to come here. Anne was a great girl. Hopefully she would have been a Belieber,” in the museum's guest book.


    This faux pas got me thinking: What current celebrities would past historical figures be fans of?  Luckily, I am a seer and was able to bend time and ascertain who these five historical figures would have dug.


    Abraham Lincoln - This is a no brainer.  Lincoln obviously would've been a big fan of Louis CK, especially after watching that awesome Louie/Lincoln parody Louis did for SNL.


    Julius Caesar - This Roman emperor would totally dig on Kanye West.  Between the two of them, they're the cockiest mofos to ever walk on planet Earth.   Julius would definitely connect with Kanye's braggadocio and swagger.  Et tu, Taylor Swift?  Et tu??


    Gandhi - Bruce Willis.  Yeah yeah, Gandhi was a famous pacifist, but he was a big fan of action movies - it is fiction, isn't it?  Combine that with a little bald man solidarity, and I guarantee that Gandhi definitely would have loved A Good Day To Die Hard, even if nobody else did.


    Albert Einstein - Kim Kardashian - just kidding.  No one likes Kim Kardashian.


    William Shakespeare - Tyler, the Creator, who is basically a modern day Shakespeare, crafting verse after verse of pure gold!    


    And there you have it!  A completely useless list of stuff that isn't true!  Gosh, I love the internet.


     

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  • The Night Feed

    Spoiler Alert: LES MIS IN 500 WORDS OR LESS

    Les Misérables premiered on Christmas Day to lines of teenage girls circling around the block. Obviously, I also went to see it, and since it’s THREE HOURS LONG I thought I’d write you a quick synopsis, so you can do something more productive with your three hours such as: anything. 


    Some things to note before we begin: Most of the dialogue is sung. There are a lot of close ups, and it’s...set in France...if you didn’t pick up on that. 


    We see several dudes dressed in rags with hipster beards. They’re slaves, but also singing, this movie is clearly going to be a downer. Look! There’s Jean Valjean! He’s going to be free today, but only after he has a staring contest with Russell Crowe where they both sing their names! He’s put on a life-long parole so he can’t work. He becomes a hobo, hipster beard still in tact. One day a priest kind of helps him out with some shit, so Jean Valjean abandons his life of crime/beards/poverty. There’s a lot of singing. It’s very dramatic


    Twenty years later, still in France, still very dramatic, Jean Valjean changes his name to something more french and now owns a factory for....something. But OH NO! Russell Crowe shows up to hunt down Jean Valjean for breaking his parole! Then we put down that storyline for a second just in time to see Anne Hathaway being fired from Jean Valjean’s factory because....of a reason? I dozed off here. Whatever. Anne Hathaway really needs money though so she becomes a prostitute. That was the first thing she tried. Really, Anne? So she does that for a while, and then she dies from some curable disease, but not before she sees Jean Valjean and guilts him into taking care of her daughter, Cosette! Russell Crowe is in the background trying to kill Jean Valjean in between 20 minute closeups of Anne Hathaway’s face.


    Then there’s an eight year jump and Cosette is grown up, and Jean Valjean is living in Paris with her. A bunch of goodlooking young french dudes are planning a revolution, and one of them, Marius, falls in love with Cosette, but even though she loves him she has to move away because Russell Crowe is becoming borderline obsessive compulsive about capturing Jean Valjean. The young hotties do their revolution but it goes like worse than you could ever imagine. Everyone is dead, lots of singing, dramatic, pretty much the same as the rest of the movie. Marius somehow survives and Jean Valjean drags him through literal PILES of SHIT, but then Russell Crowe shows up and has another 20 minute long staring contest with Jean Valjean (and lots of close ups). Russell Crowe then does the only logical thing and jumps off a bridge. Lots of singing. French. Marius and Cosette get married. Jean Valjean dies. Lots of close ups. Everyone lives dramatically ever after.

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