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1/10/13

Dear Diary,

Jennifer tells me not to worry but I am mad.  The Oscar nominations came out today and I didn't get nominated for Best Director!  Snubbed.  I mean, Argo was nominated for Best Picture and I'm proud of that - but I wanted to be nominated for Best Director!  It just kind of hurts that the Academy didn't think my work was worthy of a nomination - and also, I dunno what they're playing at, but that guy Michael Haneke was nominated and he isn't even an American - and neither is Ang Lee!  What's up with that?  I'm American, born and raised.  I'm from BOSTON, damnit!  I think the Academy should show some respect - Jenny agrees with me on this, too.  She's the best :) Hi, baby! I know you're reading this!

Damon came over with some Mike's Hard.  We sat in the den and talked about the Oscars and then Matt popped in Good Will Hunting again…Always the bridesmaid, never the bride, I guess.  I mean, we both wrote the script, but I wasn't "Will"; I wasn't the star, I didn't get nominated for Best Actor, Matt did.  It's OK though, he means well.  Jenny reminded me that Matt's new movie Promised Land got bad reviews and that made me feel a little better.  I know he's my friend, but sometimes I can't help but smile when a movie of his tanks a little, LOL. 

After that I kinda just hung out around the house for a while.  I'm trying to learn how to play "Hold On Loosely" on the guitar but I just can't get it.  The chords hurt my fingers and I got frustrated so I just stopped and went to the computer and played Bejeweled while a "Cheers" re-run played on a tv in the background.  Eventually Jenny came in and gave me a hug and that made me feel better, so I got up and the two of us went to an ice cream parlor to get sundaes.  Unfortunately a dude with a camera was there trying to get pictures of us so I had to pull a knife on him (don't worry, I didn't have to stab him).

Somehow, Jenny and I were able to sneak out the back and we drove up to our favorite lookout spot in Malibu. As the sun set, I held my likable and charming yet still-able-to-kick-some-a** actress wife and couldn't help but wish I were holding a best director academy award statue instead. Sorry, baby. I know you're reading this :(

After about 40 minutes we were ready to head home and now here I am writing this entry.  All and all it was an OK day.  I didn't get nominated for Best Director but there's always next time.  And who knows, maybe we'll win Best Picture!  I have to count my blessings. 

Your friend,

Ben

I have a feeling this is not what the church had in mind.  Kanye West has taken over one of the holiest of holidays with another mixtape from his "G.O.O.D. FRIDAYS" series.  Released this morning online, it features Kanye, Pusha-T, Big Sean and 2 Chains (those are all people!).  It's called "Mercy" and if you can take some NSFW rapper talk, it'll get your Good Friday bumpin'.

LISTEN UP.

Dear Jon Hamm,

Your penis has been getting a lot of attention lately. There were some pictures of you and your lovely girlfriend Jennifer Westfeldt, and everyone couldn't help but notice what a lovely, um, package you, uh, had-- and not the shopping bag you were holding.

Many of my internet compatriots have taken to analyzing the pictures to determine whether or not these pictures are real or, you know, Photoshop.

We propose that you let our resident merry mad man of McMayhem ask you a question he recently posed to a lot of people in Los Angeles: "How's Your Dick?" Seems appropriate. You should watch the video and let us know. There's even an accidental guest appearance by pro skateboarder Ishod Wair! Yes! It was entirely unintentional! Just as unintentional, we suppose, as you inspiring an entire single serving Tumblr with your wang.

So, think about it. That's all. Let me know. I live at My Damn Channel. I can make these things happen. Or you can tweet me @mariaalana, if you'd like to have the conversation take place in a completely public forum. Doesn't really seem like you have anything to hide.

Sincerely,
Maria

1. Congressman Todd Akin (R, MO) tried to bolster his anti-abortion stance-- even for rape victims-- by claiming "If it's a legitimate rape, the female body has ways to try to shut that whole thing down." The internet's collective mind exploded. Even worse, Congressman Akin serves on the House Science and Technology Committee, which goes to show they'll let just about anybody on that thing.

2. The Expendables 2 was number one at movie theaters this weekend, knocking The Bourne Legacy from the top of the movie mountain. Which just goes to show that Hollywood studios CAN make movies starring senior citizens and make money!

3. Fifty Shades Of Grey (aka The Book I Thought Was So Bad I Have Officially Lost Faith In Humanity) was finally knocked from its perch atop Amazon's Best Seller list by The Legend Of Zelda: Hyrule Historia, an encyclopedic companion to the video game. Surely there's some allegory here about geeks overpowering horny housewives that E.L. James can turn into her next best-selling piece of awfulness.

4. Director Tony Scott committed suicide by jumping off a bridge in San Pedro, California. Tony Scott's resume included director of films such as Beverly Hills Cop II, Top Gun and True Romance. With his older brother, Ridley Scott, he executive produced The Good Wife.

5. Taylor Swift is dating a Kennedy. Can't wait until they break up and all of all of her songs take on a broken-hearted New England lilt.

(Image via)

Tommy Wiseau has many faces: Actor. Writer. Director. LEGEND.

The mythology behind his cult classic The Room is spectacular. He self-financed the reported $6 million budget by importing leather jackets from Korea, he simultaneously shot the movie on 35mm and HD cameras because he said he didn't understand the difference between the two and he submitted it for consideration to the 2003 Academy Awards (unfortunately the film did not win any nominations).

You've seen Lisa tear him apart, you've thrown dozens of spoons at his face onscreen, now see the man in person. Tommy Wiseau and actor Greg Sestero (who plays Mark) will be chatting with Beth live in studio on My Damn Channel LIVE TODAY, Friday, August 3rd at 4pm ET. Tweet your questions and comments to @MyDamnChannel and the two will answer them on the show.

The Room will also be playing this Friday and Saturday in NYC at the Landmark Sunshine Cinema at midnight. Tommy and Greg will be in attendance to try to help shed some light on the mystery and beauty that we call The Room.

Did you hear about the Connecticut parents who let their 5-year-old daughter swim with sharks on their vacation in the Bahamas?

Naturally, mom blogs and morning shows are beside themselves with joy as this incident has caused a larger debate on the pros and cons of the parenting philosphy equivalent of "YOLO."

But it seems to us this is a case of real life imitating web video art, since Steve Rannazzisi's character in Daddy Knows Best believed that letting his kid swim with sharks would guarantee viral video success.

The Daddy Knows Best video premiered in April, and the Connecticut YOLO family uploaded their video to YouTube in June. Hmm...coincidence? Seems the only difference between real life and fiction is that the fictional father at least thought to put his kid in a cage. Surely a cage would have made all the difference in the world, right?

Are you in the comments, YOLO family? Are you watching? Let us know! And tell us if you'd like to recreate any other Daddy Knows Best videos! Or at least, give us the exclusive on the footage you shoot of your kid visiting a strip club, okay?