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...and Kato loves everybody!

In his latest "Celebrity Sleepover" Mark Malkoff becomes a houseguest at the ultimate houseguest's house; he goes to Kato Kaelin's.

For those of you who may be too young to remember the 90's (don't tell me how many of you that is because it will seriously make me question my mortality) Kato was staying at Nicole Brown Simpson's house the night that she was murdered by someone whom we cannot legallt sat was OJ Simpson.

So of course, Mark thought it would be a good idea to go to Kato's house and re-enact everything. KIDDING! Of course he doesn't do that. He goes to Kato's house and Kato is perfectly sweet and tells Mark's dad that he loves him. Aw. Now isn't that nice?

Steven Weber is in Mark Malkoff's latest "Celebrity Sleepover" episode (yes, they're still happening), Mark takes a nap at the home of Steven Weber.

Some thoughts I had while watching this video:

1. Is it just me or is Steven Weber kind of hot?
2. Was Steven Weber always this hot or is this a recent thing?
3. Remember when he made out with the old lady in that Wainy Days episode?
4. Was he hot in that Wainy Days episode or is he just hot in this Mark Malkoff episode?
5. This sleep syrum thing reminds me of The Hunger Games.

So I'm nuts, right? WAIT. DON'T ANSWER THAT.

Comedian Gilbert Gottfried is well known for his loud and offensive stand-up routine (and his My Damn Channel series, Gilbert Gets It).  Just listen to his version of the classic The Aristocrats joke.  Pretty offensive!  Gilbert is legendary as a real comedian's comedian to whom no subject is off limits.

But did you know that, in real life, Gilbert is a shy, doting father and husband?  In this excellent New York Times article on Gilbert and his wife Dara Gottfried, we see that behind that grating stage voice there's a really sweet guy who loves his family.

Then again, does he really love his family?  I mean, I'm sure he's a nice person and all that, but what kind of an individual would subject themselves and their family to the perils of "Celebrity Wife Swap", the ABC reality show where spouses are switched to see what the hell happens.  It's a crazy show, and Gilbert and his wife are going to be featured on tonight's episode at 8 PM, swapping spouses with Alan Thicke.  

I think everyone should tune in tonight: if his past is any indication, I'm sure Gilbert won't let an opportunity to offend people on national television slip through his fingers.  It's what he does best!  That, and, you know, raise his children.

This Thursday is Valentine's Day, a most joyous day of romance and love, when the heavens will open up and light will shine down upon you and your lover in a most glorious cascade of golden --

NOPE!  Wrong.  That's not happening for a lot of people this year.  For many people Valentine's Day is horrible because they are alone - bitterly and utterly alone.  Thankfully, I've got some suggestions for getting your (and my) mind off of all that lovey-dovey stuff that is propagated so aggressively on Valentine's Day.

To start, watch this video Joe made that has a bunch of suggestions for Valentine's Day distractions, like getting drunk and writing to celebrities that are going through divorces!  Nothing calms the soul quite like interacting with the rich and famous who are going through horrible, tumultuous divorces.  Phew.  At least that's not YOU losing half of your 100 million dollar fortune only leaving you with a paltry 50 million.  Who wants that kind of aggrevation?

Next, why not sit back and watch the entire season of Wainy Days because no one - and I mean no one - has worse luck with the opposite sex than David Wain.  Nothing ever seems to work out for him and his potential lady loves.  This will certainly cheer you up; I know from experience because, last year, I watched every episode while eating a large tub (98 oz.) of sour cream….Pray for me…

Another video you might watch is this episode of Sing-a-Gram because, boy, does this poor soul really get a raw deal from his lady.  I mean, this is brutal.  It's very, very funny for you and me, but pretty brutal for this poor man.  So enjoy it!  Enjoy the brutality!

Look.  I'm a doctor.  I know what I'm talking about.  So listen to me.  Listen to your doctor and you will wake up on Friday with a clear mind and calm heart, knowing that you have 364 more days until you have to go through this horror all over again.  

Follow me: @DannyMoney