The Night Feed
, Posted on 10/24/2012 by
Donald Trump came out with a video today calling Barack Obama the least transparent President in our nation's history. He announced that if Obama releases the records for his college admission and passport application that he would donate $5 million to the charity of the president's choosing. It's a tempting offer, but I think I have an even better one:
Dear Donald Trump, the American people have been wondering for decades what your hair is composed of. It is arguably the least transparent hairstyle ever perpetrated by a human being. Does that wiry coif stay up with hairspray? String? Pneumatic pumps? WELL, IS IT PNEUMATIC PUMPS?! THE AMERICAN PEOPLE DEMAND TO KNOW!
Mr. Trump, I would like to take this opportunity to make you an offer. I'm simply asking that you show Americans what your hair looks like wet. It's Pretty simple, just take a video or picture of yourself. It can be right after you get out of the shower (before your hourlong drying ritual), after you've ridden a waterslide, hell, you can even just use a spray bottle and get it a little bit moist. The American public is yearning to know what your hair looks like in its natural state.
If you do this, I will immediately write a check for $100 to the charity Locks of Love which is a great charity that provides hairpieces to financially disadvantaged children suffering from hair loss due to medical conditions. Unlike, you, Mr. Trump, I don't have a flowing mane of beautiful hair I can donate, so a financial contribution will have to suffice.
The ball is in your court, Trump!