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1. Liz and Dick. Or #LizAndDick. Lindsay Lohan had her Lifetime movie debut last night as the legendary Elizabeth Taylor in "Liz And Dick." Everyone on Twitter decided it was going to be awful and live-tweeted it. Actually, Lindsay's performance recaptured some of her earliest talent and reminded everyone that she is, indeed, an actress of great import, if only we would see past her personal problems.

No, actually, that last part was a lie. Liz And Dick was a shitshow. A terrible, terrible, shitshow.

2. Holiday Weekend Box Office numbers are the best, mostly because they're ridiculously inflated. The final movie (hopefully) in the Twilight franchise, Breaking Dawn Part 2 took first place. Skyfall, the latest in the James Bond franchise, took second. And Lincoln, the latest in the Spielberg obsession with history franchise took third.

3. Chris Brown deleted his Twitter account after getting into it with comedian/writer Jenny Johnson. After she corrected his spelling of "Hoe" to "Ho" he threatened to give her pinkeye by shitting on her retina. Stay classy, Breezy.

4. Cyber Monday! There are deals everywhere! I don't know where, but maybe ask people for "a/s/l" to see if they want to cyber. That's a good way to find out.

5. Powerball! The jackpot is over 425 million dollars for this Wednesday's drawing! If you haven't yet bought your tickets, just don't. Don't buy them. I need to win this one, okay? Just let me have this.

What's worse: basing a romantic drama on a marine suffering from PTSD-related delusions, or casting Chris Brown in a romantic comedy?

Modern Primate's Chris Menning judges this weekend's movies solely on their trailers.

Not a lot of things happened this weekend cause everyone is like vacationing or whatever!

1. The Spirit of Gethard is alive and well in this wonderful pre-taped episode.

2. My buddy Ramsey recapped what he learned from the Paley Center this year.

3. Rilo Kiley is releasing a bunch of old unreleased stuff which is pretty neat.

4. Ryan Gosling has another badass looking movie coming out. Badass.

5. Since a lot of stuff isn't going on, you guys should probably let me teach you How To Be A Man.

Next time we talk it'll be 2013, how crazy is that? Tweet me @MrChrisDonahue

It's another TVgasm Tuesday, and if you somehow don't know, the SAG awards happened. Check out the red carpet highlights here, and definitely make sure you watch the best acceptance speech of the night by (shocker) Tina Fey. I laughed. I cried. It was only a minute long, but it was an emotional roller coaster. 30 Rock airs its series finale this Thursday, so this was just a little taste of wha'ts to come. Don't be surprised if I'm an emotional wreck next Tuesday. It was formally announced that J.J. Abrams will be directing the new Star Wars movie, and the internet is PISSED. The "Jar Jar Abrams" jokes have already started, and I think it's safe to say that we're in for some pretty lewd gifs in the weeks to come. In unsurprising news, Frank Ocean wants to bring charges against Chris Brown after the "alleged" incident, officially making Chris Brown a [REDACTED] in the eyes of the public. Let's see what TVgasm has for us

This Week:

If you liked Tina Fey's Bossypants, get excited, because Amy Poehler has reportedly signed a book contract, herself. Now, I don't want to hyperbolize how excited I am, but I will be using this book as my new Bible when it's finally published. Click to read all the deets at TVgasm!

Well, if writing TVgasm has taught me anything, it's that for every piece of great work that is set to be created, there is an equally terrible thing that has been greenlit. It's Newton's third law of whatever or something. So when I heard about this terrible new talk show, I can't say I was surprised just deeply deeply disappointed. 

Have you been watching Top Chef? If you HAVE been watching, you probably know that there are a few people who could use some well-intentioned advice, or even some advice that is NOT well-intentioned. TVgasm is here to offer some (possibly not so) well-intentioned advice.

Remember: There's no shame in weeping openly at your own television.

Tell me what those crazy Real Housewives are up to at @Sam_The_Stone

I like coffee. Who doesn't like coffee? If you don't like coffee, I think that there is something wrong with you.

I try not to drink too much coffee because when I do, things like this happen, things where I type too fast and my thoughts end up making no sense. Right now I am drinking my second iced coffee of the day. That's too many iced coffees for this kid but you know what? I'm going for it. Why? Because I woke up at 7am, two hours before I even have to wake up, and couldn't fall back asleep.

This is something that has been happening to me a lot lately, waking up when I don't need to. Is it part of becoming an "adult?" I use adult in quotes because I am far from an adult. I am but a boy, trapped inside an aging body that is apparently going to become an adult.

Anyway, Shannon likes coffee too because she's smart, like me. Drink coffee, watch Coffey Chat.

Tweet me @MrChrisDonahue. I love you. Bye