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Welcome to another TVgasm Tuesday, let's just go ahead and get right down to business, we have a lot to cover today. Did you know Taylor Swift released a new album? If you live within a 4 mile radius of human civilization, the answer is most likely yes. But did you know most of Taylor Swift's album is about guys breaking up with Taylor Swift?….well yeah I guess you probably did. In other news, Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel are getting married, and will, I assume, eventually have perfect little angel-babies that will each be born with a full set of abs and more charisma than I will ever be able to muster. Unfortunately their given couple name is "TimberBiel" which kind of sounds like the name for five different Ikea nightstands. Don't focus on that, focus on the perfect angel-babies, and let's check out TVgasm:

This week:

If any of you undecided voters needed help during this trying election, Honey Boo Boo is officially an Obama supporter. Of course, directly after she gave her endorsement she bounced on a couch for several minutes, and then dunked her entire hand into a glass of water, so…make of that what you will. Watch the entire clip over at TVgasm!

Is Community on again yet? No? C'mon NBC get your shit together. How about we cut hour seven of the Today show, you know the one that's just Al Roker making puns straight to the camera, and air some community then? In the mean time, I'll have to tide myself over with this video over at TVgasm, go watch!

Have you been keeping up with Abby's Ultimate Dance Competition? If you haven't been watching, it's a spin-off of Dance Moms, and TVgasm has the recap to catch you up. Go read it, so we can talk about it, because no one I know watches it, and I am dying slowly.

Remember: Life is not reality TV. As every angry girl on reality TV will tell you "THIS IS NOT A BEST FRIEND MAKING CONTEST", and real life is basically the opposite. 

It's another TVgasm Tuesday (Thursday) (sorry, guys-- hurricanes are crazy things), and I'm fighting through no power, or water, or will to live to bring TV news to you guys. It was dark times (PUNS!) for a while, there. No power meant I had to read books and eat kind of melty ice cream and pretend I was Emily Dickinson. However, now I have internet so I'm dealing with staying inside for days in the following ways: 1) watching Dance Moms online, 2) tweeting (about food mostly) 3) reading up on entertainment news. Let's see what TVgasm has to get us (me) through the aftermath of this hurricane.

This Week:

Royalty isn't any different from us mortals (except Kate Middleton who may or may not be a deity); they love celeb gossip too! Watch TVgasm's new cartoon "Gossip Queens" to hear a couple Queens dish about some crazy famous people.

So last week I wrote about the wedding of celebrity couple "TimberBiel" (still hate the name), but is there trouble in their weirdly named celebrity paradise? Click to find out!

When I think Disney, the first thing I think of is outer space, obviously, and the second thing I think is lightsabers. What? That's just me? Yeah that's what I figured. Click to read about Disney's new Star Wars movies!

Remember: If you don't have power for a while, it can sometimes help to dress up in 19th century dress and pretend you are a female poet. Don't knock it 'til you try it.

MARIA BAMFORD!  MY DAMN CHANNEL!  MARIA BAMFORD ON MY DAMN CHANNEL!

That's right, Maria Bamford will have a new show called Ask My Mom! that's premiering on My Damn Channel Thursday, May 30th, and as you can see by my use of caps above, I am excited.  Maria is one of the smartest, funniest comics working today, and we are honored to have her as part of our family, so check out the TRAILER and see exactly what Maria has in store for you starting Thursday, May 30th.  

MARIA BAMFORD ON MY DAMN CHANNEL!

It's Thanksgiving, so it’s only right I share this list of the things I am thankful for this year. 

1)    Air – We all breathe it.  We need it to live.  I’ll come out and just say it: I love air!  It’s my favorite thing to breathe – I mean, other than nitrous, obviously.  Phish rules!

2)    The Written Word – I have been reading a ton lately!  It’s so much fun.  I was on the subway reading a book and the commute went by like THAT.  Dudes, check out some written words on pages.  Really fun to read things that are written.

3)    Space: The Final Frontier – I love the idea of the never ending void of Space, The Final Frontier.  Like, lol, what’s out there?  It inspires me to keep searching, both within myself and without.  Space…so gnarly, so big, so vast.  Haha, like, WHAT’S HAPPENING OUT THERE!?

4)    Peace – We need it.  All you need is love.  I am the walrus.  Goo goo ga joob.  Yesterday.  Help I need somebody.  Hey Jude.  I heard the news today oh boy I can’t get no satisfaction.  The 60s and peace – what an era!  What an inspiration.  I am thankful for peace in this world but we need more of it.  We need to BREAK ON THROUGH TO THE OTHER SIDE!

5)    Jesus – Duh.

6)    God – obvz.

7)    My mom and dad – Cool folks who raised me right.  Mom, Dad: I am thankful for thee.

8)    The Star Spangled Banner + peyote – such a sweet combo, I can’t get enough.  Really thankful for this buzz.

9)    My Hands – Let me ask you a question: Could I be writing this post without them?  The answer is no, so – BOOM! – automatic need to be thankful for them hands of mine, no?

10)  Cash.  Money, bro.  Straight up need it to live.  Money for days and twice on Sunday.  I love money.  Thank you for money.  

Well, there you go!  That’s what I am thankful for this year!  Now cute up the Spangled Banner song, son!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Follow me, YOU GOT TO! @DannyMoney

It's TVgasm Tuesday again Wednesday (*Ed. note: Uh, sorry about that.), and I already know what you're gonna say. You're going to try to tell me that the biggest story this week was the presidential debate. Yeah, I know Romney is trying to hunt down Big Bird, and there was a lot of interrupting going on, but I think the biggest political news this week is Bristol Palin riding the struggle bus on Dancing With The Stars. She's a Palin, it still counts as politics. Nailed it. Let's see what else TVgasm has for us...

This week:

ABC has ordered a new reality show called "Celebrity Splash", based on a Dutch show where I guess celebrities jump into large bodies of water. I watched a preview of the Dutch version, and it reminds me of this club I went to once, where they tried to sell me a $15 shot of leather flavored vodka, and everyone was wearing white fur pants. It was a weird night. Go watch.

Have you heard about The Nikki-Mariah feud? No?! Ugh, you need to stop watching presidential debates, and get up to date on your celebrity gossip. It's your duty as an American citizen to find out what went down, why Nikki and her ass (two separate entities right? Like, legally?) are so enraged, and debate what Nikki should do in this week's Dear TVgasm. 

Project Runway's new All-Star season is coming up, and I think we all need a refresher of "who's who" in the cast. Luckily TVgasm made a redub of the season preview that pretty much sums everything up. Click to watch!

Remember: If you're at a party and everyone is wearing white fur pants, you are most likely at a Russian drug lord's bachelor party, and you need to get out of there STAT.

It's the second-to-last week of August and the beginning of the end of Summer. It's nearly time to return to books, backpacks, and boring lectures about the benefits of the Socialist party. What's that? You guys don't have mandatory lectures about Socialism? Oh, yeah…um...me, neither! LOL. 

If you're returning to college, going back to school can be the funnest, bestest, most magical thing ever. If you're returning to high school….sorry, guys, that sucks. Try to graduate soon, okay?

But what if you're transitioning from high school to college?! Don't freak out, Haley Hoover, from Answerly, can help. 

First things first: psych yourself up by watching her Pep Talk for College Freshman. OK, now that you're as excited as you should be, let's move on to some important information:

Recently, a study found that college binge drinkers are actually happier than non-bingers. That being said, Haley can help you uh….find your happiness with some Movie Drinking Games. Those should make you plenty happy. Don't over do it, though, because you will end up plenty dead. (Hayley can help you have fun without drinking, too!)

Unfortunately, all that drinking can lead to some unwanted weight gain. The freshman 15 is very real, people. It's a scary monster that sneaks up on you and you don't even notice it until your mom tries to tell you gently that you look a little "fuller" than when you left, and then you start sobbing, and your family has an intervention and….I'm sorry I'm rambling. The point is, Haley can help!

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