The Night Feed
, Posted on 10/29/2013 by
I went to a terrible Halloween party on Saturday night. Seriously, it sucked. It was at an awful club in the Meatpacking District, nobody understood my costume, the drinks were watered down, and at one point a guy in a fedora shoved me out of the way to get to a bar. After an hour, my friend and I were like, “Yeah, over this.” So we walked a few blocks up and went to a much quieter bar where the bouncer’s t-shirt read “DIE YUPPIE SCUM,” and drank dark and stormys and ate potato wedges. And that was when the evening went from “I can’t believe we missed SNL for this” to “Huh, not so bad.”
Potatoes are always there for you. They are delicious in every form. You can put so much stuff on them and they are crazy good either way. If I were going to be executed for a crime I didn’t commit, my last meal request would just be a mountain of mashed potatoes with gravy and sautéed mushrooms. I once had an actual dream about swimming in a pool of mashed potatoes. Someday, when I’m making that Scrooge McDuck money, I will make that dream come true.
Have you ever had Shake Shack’s cheese fries? Or Chick-fil-a’s waffle fries, or Arby’s curly fries? Roasted potatoes with rosemary and a big ol’ hunk of meat, anybody? How about potato pancakes? Hash browns or home fries? And you can’t forget the almighty baked potato. Twice-baked, stuffed, just butter and salt, however you want to play it. Nothing more delicious than a properly cooked baked potato: crispy on the outside, soft and mealy on the inside. Just don’t try to bring sweet potatoes into this. Sweet potato fries have their place every once in a while, but give me a break. Yams are not potatoes. They are potato-shaped things that people put melted marshmallows on at Thanksgiving. You’re not fooling me, yams. Get out of here. And send in the real potatoes while you’re at it.
This message is not brought to you by the Potato Growers’ Association of America, but it might as well should be, ‘cause I almost singlehandedly support them.
Liz / @lizbelsky