Hey, everybody! The Holiday Season TM is in full swing, and you know what that means: TREATS. I’ve basically given up on wearing jeans or anything that buttons until January 1st – it’s yoga pants from here on out. But what’s worth stuffing in your face? What deserves a pass? Well, I’m here with a handy-dandy GUIDE TO HOLIDAY TREATS!
Disclaimer: I have a lot of strong, contrarian opinions about what is good and what is disgusting. Don’t take it up with management if you disagree.
GOOD: Peppermint bark
Oh my god, peppermint bark. I could literally eat my weight in you, peppermint bark. Homemade or fancy-bakery-style is the best, but Ghirardelli’s is a great substitute as well. I, for one, plan to spend Christmas Eve eating an entire bag of that stuff while watching Muppets Christmas Carol.
No thank you, fudge. You are diabetes incarnate. The only people who like you are small children who have yet to develop sugar sensitivity and Buddy the Elf. Any more than a postage-stamp-sized square of fudge is WAY TOO MUCH FUDGE.
Yeah, I said wassail. As in, “Here we come a-wassailing,” wassail. It’s the bomb: hot mulled cider with apples, oranges, and spices, simmered on the fire for several hours until your entire house smells like a winter wonderland. If you’ve never made it, hurry up and get to it. You won’t regret it.
BAD: Candy canes
Gross. Too much peppermint. Plus, once you eat half of it, the end gets all pointy and you stick yourself in the gums. Candy canes should only exist for stirring hot chocolate and decorating Christmas trees.
Okay, yeah. Stollen is basically fruitcake covered in powdered sugar. “Ew, gross, fruitcake!” you say. “Shut your unholy mouth,” I reply. When properly prepared, stollen is delicious – doughy, sweet and marzipan-y. OM NOM NOM.
BAD: Figgy pudding
Come on, England. Figgy pudding isn’t even a real food.
Liz / @lizbelsky