Hey pumpkin spice haters, why don’t you shut up?
We get it. You’re sooooo cool. You think you’re so awesome just because you’re “above” hopping on the pumpkin spice obsession bandwagon every year. And you just have to tell everyone about it, don’t you? You’re just the Holden Caulfield of seasonal flavoring trends. You’re so brave, voicing your controversial opinions like that, with that self-satisfied smirk that says “Come at me, pumpkin lobby.”
Guess what? Just like Holden Caulfield, nobody likes you.
“Pumpkin spice doesn’t even taste like pumpkin,” you say. “It’s just allspice flavoring.”
“Pumpkin spice season was invented by the corporations to sell lattes and candles,” you say.
“Pumpkin spice is an overrated trend and I, for one, won’t allow it to permeate my autumn celebrations,” you say.
And to that, I say, WHO CARES? It’s ten weeks out of your life! Ten weeks for the rest of us who enjoy pumpkin spice goodies to eat our share and hoard what we can’t consume, before Christmastime and peppermint flavoring floods the market! If you don’t like it, don’t eat it, dummies. It’s not like there aren’t other options. You can indulge in a cup of hot apple cider, or enjoy a cranberry crumb cake, or perhaps a savory squash dish. Perhaps some fresh roasted corn or a cider donut will do the trick? Brussels sprouts, pears, and pomegranates are all in season, too! Your options are virtually unlimited here.
I’m sorry, but it had to be said. Pumpkin spice may not be your bag, but you don’t have to yammer on about it constantly, either. Like Thumper says to Bambi, “If you can’t say nothin’ nice, don’t say nothin’ at all.” That goes for you, PS haters. Shut your pumpkin pie hole.
Liz / @lizbelsky