Search Results

Guys, I'm home sick today.  Food poisoning, I think.  I'll spare you the details.  But lying here on my couch trying to muster the energy to get to the kitchen for a glass of water, I tried to decide what on the Internet I most feel like right now.

The answer is Garfield Minus Garfield. Is there anything creepier and sadder than these Garfield cartoons without the cat in them? No, there is not.  Enjoy.  Don't get sucked in too far.

Tomorrow I hope to be back to my old self with Odie and Jim filling my life with hilarious hijinx.  But for now I am an invisible fake cat on the Internet.

The cats over at Cookin' with Coolio need to hang out with the foul-mouthed folks behind Thug Kitchen. Something tells me they could make beautiful, beautiful musaca together.

Well maybe not beautiful but entertaining and delicious, right? RIGHT?

Recipes are basically instructions, and instructions you find on the internet are always safe, right? And healthy?

Come on! What could go wrong?!

No really, tweet me what could go wrong, @bookoisseur.

Thanksgiving is right around the corner and that can only mean one thing: side dishes. For too long, turkey has stolen the spotlight of the Thanksgiving meal, but it's so overrated. I mean, it's always too dry and you have to cut it with an electric knife. It's all about the side dishes. Allow me to run you through my favorites.

Mashed Potatoes - When the pilgrims came to the new world they decided they had to seperate themselves from the tyranical potato preferances of the English. How do you improve upon potatoes though? Answer: mash them up and add a metric ton of butter to them. The pilgrms were onto something; mashed potatoes are basically edible silk, if silk slowly blocked your arteries with delicious, delious cholesterol.

Sweet Potato Casserole - I'm from Minnesota, a land where casserole is king. Remember how I said I really liked mashed potatoes? Sweet potato casserole is kinda similar, but get this: it's got MARSHMALLOWS. I know what you're thinking, "Who was the mad genius who thought it ws acceptable to put a dessert ingredient in a side dish?" I don't know! But if I ever find out I want to give them a kiss on the forehead because it's exactly that kind of outside-the-box thinking that we need more of at the dinner table.

NOT Cranberry Sauce - I hate cranberry sauce. It's fetid and disgusting and will never come within a mile of my plate. I mean look at it. Its refusal to even pretend to not be from a can is an affront to everything that Thanksgiving stands for and should be shunned from our tables. DO NOT eat cranberry sauce. It's one of the most un-American thing you can possibly do.

Pumpkin Pie - Pumpkin Mother Fuckin Pie y'all! The coup d'état of the meal. The seizure of power. The putsch of Thanksgiving. I'm just now realizing that thesaurus entries for coup d'état don't really work here. That said, pumpking pie is the best. Who knew a mushed up gourd could be so delicous? You add a little (or enormous) dollop of whipped cream on there and you are good to go... puke in the bathroom because you ate so much.

I already can't wait to stuff my face to capacity. What are some other good side dishes you guys are excited to eat? Watch My Damn Channel LIVE today for more Thanksgiving madness!

-Dean
@Petersoncinema

Today is the last TVgasm Tuesday of July and I don't even know what to do with myself! Do I celebrate two full months of writing about only the best reality TV news? Or do I sob hysterically because summer is over, and in the fall/winter I won't have any time to watch my shows?! I guess what I'll end up doing is ignoring it until I have some sort of emotional break down. Luckily TVgasm will still be here to help me cope!

This week:

We already talked about how J.Lo is leaving Idol, but who could possibly take her place?! I'll give you a hint, it's another sassy singer that doesn't have a whole lot of other things going on in her life. Go read TVgasm to find out who!

Do you remember those ten terrible days when DirectTV was mad at Viacom or something? I don't know what happened but I know that I didn't get, like, sixteen of my channels. Anyway, now the dispute is over (thank God) and I can finally watch Nickelodeon again.

Anyone who knows me even a little bit knows that I love Paula Deen, but even I do not love her enough to pay her 17 million dollars a year (….probably). Go read TVgasm's list of top paid celeb chefs to see the ridiculous sums other chefs get paid.

Remember: If you have no marketable skills except a constant need for attention and a confrontational personality, but still need a source of income, don't rule out the possibility of being a reality star

It's TVgasm Tuesday! It's (almost) Thanksgiving, guys! While this means pie eating, wine drinking, and joke making, it also means that you're probably going to have to talk to some aunts/uncles/grandparents who you haven't spoken to in a while. What better way to break the ice than with some entertainment gossip about celebrities your grandparents have never heard of! You could talk about how the AMA's happened, or if that doesn't work you can't go wrong with a classic: Lindsey Lohan news. There aren't people on this earth who don't want to hear about Lindsey Lohan stealing a piece of art from a museum or something. Let's see what else TVgasm has for us

This Week:

Remember that guy you knew, who you kind of hated, who called people "bro-migo" and had frosted tips and yelled everything he said? Well that guy grew up to be Guy Fieri, and he needs some advice on how to deal with the haters, and TVgasm won't let him down. Go read this weeks Dear TVgasm!

When I think of Anderson Cooper, I think of a silver fox who isn't afraid to ask the tough questions (ok maybe I have a little crush on Anderson Cooper, shut up), so who better to fill in for him on his talkshow that a reality star and a comedian. Read TVgasm's full story to see who's taking over for Anderson while he goes to Gaza.

Let's admit it, we've all been waiting for a new, AWESOME, set of Real Housewives (because Miami didn't count, obviously). FINALLY, the day has arrived. Click to find out who the newest and BEST housewives are!

Remember: Frosted tips are more trouble than they're worth. Always. 

You can always tell it's the middle of summer because the reality shows start to get even spicier. There are epic tantrums and even bigger fights than usual, and at least two terrifying blonde women who like screaming will always threaten to leave whatever show they're on. I love it. It's the best part of summer television, and TVgasm is right here to help you and me (but mostly me) keep up with it. 

This week:

First she was leaving, and then she totally wasn't and it was all a rumor, but now it's confirmed that J.Lo actually is leaving Idol forever. At least Randy is staying, so we can count on unconditional praise for the contestants, and the use of the word "dog" for a couple more years.

You know how everyone says that all reality shows are just the same formula-- a bunch of good-looking, opinionated people who like to characterize themselves as "strong and independent" forced to be in the same room for hours? Well, TVgasm broke down the six archetypes of reality TV for you. Go find out which one you are! 

Toddlers and Tiaras is back. FINALLY. I can finally get my fix of screaming infants in tutus and stage mothers who pretend their children love being stuffed into ridiculous outfits. TVgasm has the scoop on the new season, as well as some quality screenshots from the show. 

Remember: If you're ever confronted by someone from reality TV, don't freak out. They're more afraid of you than you are of them.