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It's another TVgasm Tuesday (Thursday) (sorry, guys-- hurricanes are crazy things), and I'm fighting through no power, or water, or will to live to bring TV news to you guys. It was dark times (PUNS!) for a while, there. No power meant I had to read books and eat kind of melty ice cream and pretend I was Emily Dickinson. However, now I have internet so I'm dealing with staying inside for days in the following ways: 1) watching Dance Moms online, 2) tweeting (about food mostly) 3) reading up on entertainment news. Let's see what TVgasm has to get us (me) through the aftermath of this hurricane.

This Week:

Royalty isn't any different from us mortals (except Kate Middleton who may or may not be a deity); they love celeb gossip too! Watch TVgasm's new cartoon "Gossip Queens" to hear a couple Queens dish about some crazy famous people.

So last week I wrote about the wedding of celebrity couple "TimberBiel" (still hate the name), but is there trouble in their weirdly named celebrity paradise? Click to find out!

When I think Disney, the first thing I think of is outer space, obviously, and the second thing I think is lightsabers. What? That's just me? Yeah that's what I figured. Click to read about Disney's new Star Wars movies!

Remember: If you don't have power for a while, it can sometimes help to dress up in 19th century dress and pretend you are a female poet. Don't knock it 'til you try it.

Last week at VidCon, Mark Malkoff announced his newest project: The Bill Murray Show Starring Mark Malkoff.

Starting in August, Mark will host a weekly show featuring friends, fans and acquaintances of Bill Murray, as part of a quest to get Bill Murray himself to visit Mark and his wife for dinner at their Queens apartment.

Mark kicked off the project by having the VidCon audience call Bill Murray's phone number to say "Hi Bill!"

Read more about The Bill Murray Show Starring Mark Malkoff here, and look for it on My Damn Channel next month!

(Original image above via Dean Mouhtaropoulos/Getty Images)

I hope you've fully digested from your Thanksgiving dinner(which you probably Instagrammmed the shit out of), because you're about to get a giant helping of TVgasm Tuesday! Obviously the first thing we have to talk about it the upcoming Beyonce movie. I think it's safe to say that the entire world is not ready for that jelly. I always get a little bummed out after talking about Beyonce; how can I ever compare? I'll probably just look at this Worst Dressed List to make myself feel better, and of course check out TVgasm

This week:

We've all been waiting for weeks, and it finally happened: Lindsay Lohan's "Liz & Dick" finally premiered on Lifetime. Shockingly it was pretty terrible, and everyone watched it. TVgasm has the scoop on all things "Liz & Dick"

Confession time: I've never seen Basketball Wives. I know, I know, it's ridiculous, and I should be ashamed. As I understand it, the show's about women married to basketball players, and not women married to basketballs, as I originally thought. Why in the world would these women ever need more money? TVgasm has the full story.

Anyone who stays up every Saturday for SNL will know Stefon, Weekend Update's club correspondent played by Bill Hader who always seems like he's on some kind of amphetamine. Click to watch an Interview with Hader all about his writing process and development with Stefon!

Remember: People will watch almost anything on Lifetime, especially if the word Dick is in the title.

IT'S CHRISTMAS, or I mean, basically. It's also TVgasm Tuesday, and since this is the last Tuesday before Christmas, I'm gonna give you enough TV news to tide you over for two whole weeks instead of just one.

We had one and a half finales this week: How I Met Your Mother had its two-part midseason finale, which somehow managed to answer questions without actually answering them, AND after six well-dressed seasons of emotional glaring, Gossip Girl had her series finale, finishing up with $3000 lace handkerchiefs and a surprise twist.

Also, when I think of "comedy," I totally think of Barbra Streisand yelling at Seth Rogen for several hours in a car, so when I heard about their new movie I thought "Oh of course, somebody finally made this, just in time for the world to end!" Let's face our imminent doom with TVgasm!

This Week:

Probably the best thing about the Internet is the comments section. The comments section of ANYTHING. There's always one person posting a chain letter (what is this AIM in 2004?!), and, of course, there's the always-immortal-and-ever-articulate "Wow. just wow." TVgasm's comments are just as lively: Click to read the best of 2012!

Did you stop by the TVgasm holiday party? You didn't?! It was THE social event of the season! There was boxed wine! There were miscellaneous housewives! There was even a wild Lohan sighting! Click here to get the scoop on this totally awesome party that totally happened and was real.

At a certain time, one just gets tired of denim shirts and puns, am I right? Obviously, I'm referring to Jay Leno, because I just can't bring myself to watch his show anymore. Maybe 2014 will bring a good host to the Jay Leno time slot? Click to find out who may be replacing Leno in a few years (that is, if we don't all die in 3 days, thanks Mayans).

Remember: If you're commenting on something online, let's try at least to keep it interesting. Can we put a moratorium on the "Wow. just wow" forever?

Do you like tweets about cake? Follow me at @Sam_the_Stone

TVgasm Tuesday is here yet again, and just in time, too. I've been having withdrawals from reality TV. I can't SLEEP. I can't EAT (sort of). I need my fix of snark and ridiculousness. This is kind of starting to sound like a drug addiction. Whatever I can stop anytime I want, and I don't need your judgement.

This week:

Do you guys remember SMASH? I loved it, and I refuse to be ashamed. Sure it didn't make sense, but there was singing and dancing and a lot of crying, which is all I really want in a show. TVgasm has the scoop on the newest addition to next season's cast.

I've been worried about the Jersey Shore kids for a while now. What are they going to do after the show ends? They're all insane, and I'm pretty sure they don't have any marketable skills so getting a job is out of the picture. TVgasm was thinking along the same lines, and thoughtfully wrote a letter to the cast with some sound advice.

Ok this is a big one: TVgasm posted a new podcast called "Watch What Crappens", and it's basically three dudes talking about everything I love. Go listen for the gossip on The Real Housewives, Million Dollar Listing, and more!

Remember: TV is good for you, just like vegetables and exercise. Trust me, I'm a doctor.