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  • The Night Feed

    Dumb Holiday of the Week: National Tooth Fairy Day

    Hey, you know what's dumb? National Tooth Fairy Day! The Tooth Fairy isn't even a real thing so how the heck are we supposed to celebrate him/her as a National Holiday?

    Here's an idea, when I get drunk my drunk alter ego, "Chip," comes out. Why don't we give him a National Holiday? National Chip Life Day! It's perfect-- way better than the stupid Tooth Fairy. At least Chip is real, he lives within us all and he does whatever he wants. It's wonderful.

    I now declare March 1st, NATIONAL CHIP LIFE DAY! Let's all celebrate by getting wasted and doing dumb, but still courageous things!

    HAPPY NATIONAL CHIP LIFE DAY EVE!

    @MrChrisDonahue

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  • The Night Feed

    The Ultimate Christmas Playlist

    I am a big fan of Christmas music. Some people can't stand it: it's irritating, it's ubiquitous, it's lame. I mean, if you hear the same tune over and over in a Macy's as you fight off blood-thirsty shoppers, any song can get annoying. I get it.


    So you know what I did? I created an EXCELLENT Christmas playlist for you. It has the absolute staples, as well as some "more off the beaten path" tunes--you know, some songs that you might not hear a hundred times on the radio.  99 percent of these are all genuinely good songs. Sure, these are typical Christmas/holiday season songs, but more than that--this playlist is just some damn good music.


    The playlist is a SUREFIRE HIT so don't be afraid put it on shuffle at a holiday party, or just, you know... vibe out on it to get you in the spirit of things! When I picture myself listening to this playlist, I'm in front of a fire and a Christmas tree, casually sipping a martini and wearing an over-priced-yet-typically-festive sweater, surrounded by friends and family having amazing conversation as the music fills the air! It really IS the most wonderful time of the year!


    Follow me: @DannyMoney



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  • The Night Feed

    Dr. Spooktacular's Winter Trip to NYC


    One time a couple of years ago I dressed up as my alter-ego Dr. Spooktacular and goofed around in New York City during the holiday season.  That video is above.  Enjoy!


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  • The Night Feed

    Holiday Treats: The Best and Worst

    Hey, everybody! The Holiday Season TM is in full swing, and you know what that means: TREATS. I’ve basically given up on wearing jeans or anything that buttons until January 1st – it’s yoga pants from here on out. But what’s worth stuffing in your face? What deserves a pass? Well, I’m here with a handy-dandy GUIDE TO HOLIDAY TREATS!

     

    Disclaimer: I have a lot of strong, contrarian opinions about what is good and what is disgusting. Don’t take it up with management if you disagree.

     

    GOOD: Peppermint bark

     

    Oh my god, peppermint bark. I could literally eat my weight in you, peppermint bark. Homemade or fancy-bakery-style is the best, but Ghirardelli’s is a great substitute as well. I, for one, plan to spend Christmas Eve eating an entire bag of that stuff while watching Muppets Christmas Carol.

     

    BAD: Fudge

     

    No thank you, fudge. You are diabetes incarnate. The only people who like you are small children who have yet to develop sugar sensitivity and Buddy the Elf. Any more than a postage-stamp-sized square of fudge is WAY TOO MUCH FUDGE.

     

    GOOD: Wassail

     

    Yeah, I said wassail. As in, “Here we come a-wassailing,” wassail. It’s the bomb: hot mulled cider with apples, oranges, and spices, simmered on the fire for several hours until your entire house smells like a winter wonderland. If you’ve never made it, hurry up and get to it. You won’t regret it.

     

    BAD: Candy canes

     

    Gross. Too much peppermint. Plus, once you eat half of it, the end gets all pointy and you stick yourself in the gums. Candy canes should only exist for stirring hot chocolate and decorating Christmas trees.

     

    GOOD: Stollen

     

    Okay, yeah. Stollen is basically fruitcake covered in powdered sugar. “Ew, gross, fruitcake!” you say. “Shut your unholy mouth,” I reply. When properly prepared, stollen is delicious – doughy, sweet and marzipan-y. OM NOM NOM.

     

    BAD: Figgy pudding

     

    Come on, England. Figgy pudding isn’t even a real food.

     

    Liz / @lizbelsky

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  • Harry Shearer

    Get Tickets Now!

    Hey everyone, it's that special time of year we all call the Holiday Season!  And what's a better way of bringing in these most beloved of times than some music?  The answer is nothing, so buy some tickets to see Judith Owen and Harry Shearer play some beautiful holiday-themed music in some major cities across the U.S.


    These shows are always something special, from the song choices to the beautiful performances by Harry and Judith, to the excellent guests they always bring in to help 'em out.  I mean, one year Donald Fagen of Steely Dan performed with them.  I'm telling you now if you don't know already, it doesn't get cooler than having a member of The Dan come and sing at your show.  Just doesn't.  And things are gonna be even more off the hook this year.


    Get tickets and more info HERE.  They go fast, so jump on it!  It's going to be very merry indeed.


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  • The Night Feed

    Ten Great Things About Thanksgiving

    Well, it’s almost here. Thanksgiving is really, really soon, you guys. To celebrate, I made a list of the best things about Thanksgiving. I’d like to share it with you now.


    10. Folksy holiday travel pieces on NPR. On the one hand, it’s like, we get it, traffic is crazy, but they’re kind of cozy and comfortable in that they happen every year and they’re sort of universally relatable.


    9. Martellini’s Sparkling Apple Cider. I’m technically allowed to drink alcohol now, but why would I ever want to drink anything but cider?


    8. Referring to pumpkin pie as “punkin’ pie” to be funny, but also old-timey and cute.


    7. Remembering all your family’s wacky Thanksgiving stories, like the time my weird cousins and their parents got in a massive, knock-down-drag-out fight over whether Disney’s Brother Bear was a good movie.


    6. Stuffing. ‘Nuff said.


    5. Christmas music on the radio, because even if you’ve already been wearing out your holiday playlist for a month on Spotify, who cares, it’s officially Christmas music season!!!


    4. Watching the Macy’s Parade while eating some sort of yummy breakfast food your mom made (cinnamon rolls!) and getting a head start on that sweet, sweet sparkling cider consumption.


    3. The Charlie Brown balloon. He’ll never kick that football, will he?


    2. Spending the day with your family and/or chosen family, if you’re lucky enough to do so.


    1.     Third Leftovers, which is where you just fill a bowl with mashed potatoes, put a spoonful of everything else on top, and smash it all in your mouth at once while watching Miracle on 34th Street/It’s a Wonderful Life/Elf.


    Happy T. Gives, everybody!

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  • The Night Feed

    Things You Should Never Say To Someone Working Retail Over The Holidays

    Well, it’s November, which means one thing: the holidays are on the horizon. Errbody be buying presents, and while that might be good for the economy, it’s hell on the underpaid retail employees who have to deal with hordes of grumpy, dissatisfied customers. It’s the season of peace on earth and goodwill toward men, unless you work at the Apple Store – in which case, screw you.

    In order to help you, Gentle Reader, avoid being a total douchebag to retail associates this season, I have compiled a collection of quotes you should do your best to scrub from your vocabulary. Remember, you can dump your entire coin jar into the Salvation Army bucket, but that act of goodwill is completely canceled out by any of these sentences:  

    1. “Do you have any more in the back?”

    No, we don’t, and we probably don’t have time to go check, so unless this is something you desperately need – i.e., not a Monster High doll or a blush palette – you should probably just check online or go elsewhere.

    2. “Well, can you just go check the back?”

    Inside tip: when you tell your sales associate to “go check in the back,” they walk into the stockroom and just chat with their coworkers for about thirty seconds. Because there are never any more in the back.

    3. “What do you mean, you don’t have any more [insert Black Friday doorbuster here]?! I gave up my sleep for this?”

    You really do not want to say this to someone whose store opened at 8pm on Thanksgiving in order to sell more flatscreen TVs. Seriously, you do not want to say this. If you have any shred of human decency, you will not even think these words.

    4. “It doesn’t scan? Must be free, then!”

    The first time your cashier heard this “joke,” they laughed so hard they fell off their dinosaur.

    5. Any reference to how crazy the mall parking lot is.

    There are actually malls that require their employees to park over a mile away as to free up as many parking spaces for customers as possible. This is possibly the worst thing I’ve ever heard and I wish I were making it up but I am not.

    Got any retail rants for me? Tweet me at @lizbelsky to share.

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  • The Night Feed

    Dumb Holiday of the Week

    It's that day of the week you guys. The day that I pick out the Dumb Holiday of the Week and today's holiday sure is dumb! It's Bubble Wrap Appreciation Day… Really? Really?

    Did you know that each year enough Bubble Wrap is produced to stretch from the Earth to the Moon? Of course not because WHO CARES?!?

    I realize that Bubble Wrap is a kind of cool, kind of important invention but there isn't anything else we could be celebrating instead? How about National Kazoo Day? At least kazoos make beautiful music

    Is there a any holiday celebrating anything more stupid than bubble wrap or kazoos? Tweet at me and let me know @MrChrisDonahue

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