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All these "celebrities" endorse alcohol and I-- as an incredibly influential blogger-- am sick of it! What kind of example is Lil' Kim setting for the children? Wait... do the children even know who Lil' Kim is? As a public service, here are a few recommendations for products other than alcohol that celebrities can endorse:

1. Hey, P. Diddy (if that's your real name)! How about endorsing sunglasses since no one has seen your eyes 2003 (if you even have eyes)!

2. Hey Jersey Shore Douche, why don't you promote not wearing a shirt ever because even though I don't know your name (and refuse to google it) I don't think I've ever seen you with a shirt on.

3. Hey Dan Aykroyd, I just found out you endorse alcohol as well. Here's an idea, why don't you endorse not taking classic films and ruining them by making a third installment 20 years later?

Oh right, because alcohol is fun. Tweet me an endorsement deal: @MrChrisDonahue

OH YEAH, OH YEAH!  Here we go, everybody!  HERE WE GO!

It's time to smush-- if she's DTF. It's time to beat the beat at Karma. It's t-shirt time cuz the cabs are here. It's gym time, it's tanning time and it's laundry time... because GTL is how we DO. It's time for another season of the Jersey Shore. Time to head back to the land of "juicehead gorillas" and "meatballs" for one more summer, since this will be the final season of the show.  So what can we look forward to this season?

Well, Snooki is pregnant, so I'm anxious to see how she handles not being able to get absolutely smashed every hour of every day. This also makes me wonder what Deena will do without her meatball-in-crime. And will Ryder make an appearance and get it in with Pauly D or Vinny?

The Situation acted like a real baby all of last season; personally, I thought his antics on seasons 1-3 were priceless, hilarious stuff, so I'm hoping he gets back to that, instead of continuing to act like the sniveling weasel he has become. He's done some time in rehab, so maybe that means we'll see a better, sharper Mike.

Vinny turned me off last season when he had a nervous breakdown and had to go home and get a stupid tattoo across his chest; it certainly must be really tough doing nothing all day and partying every night.  Hopefully the perennially awesome Pauly D can make sure his best bro is in good spirits throughout the summer.  

And then of course we're all wondering what versions of Sammi and Ronnie we will see this season. Will we see the rare, "cool-and-composed" couple or the "out-of-control-ridiculous-roid-raged-sweetest-bitch-you-will-ever-meet" couple that have torn through five seasons?  

I hope JWoww still has big boobs.

So, there it is. Those are my thoughts. I'm looking forward to some good times, though a sober Snooki is almost too much for me to bear.  Jionni, why didn't you just wear a condom so I could continue to see the shit-show that is Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi!?  WHY?!!?!

Ok, I'm out-- CABS AH HEAH!!!!!!!!!!

1. Despite nature's best efforts, tomorrow, November 6th, is STILL ELECTION DAY. You should still go out and vote no matter where you are. If you live in New Jersey, Governor Christie says you can even FAX your vote in! Although, we imagine that a fax machine may be even more difficult for some people to find than a polling place. But you can ice skate over the election map at Rockefeller Center! (pictured above)

2. Wreck-It Ralph was the number one movie at the box office last weekend, pulling in over $49 million and becoming opening weekend for any non-Pixar film from Disney Animation.

3. The cast of The Jersey Shore will hold their own telethon for Hurricane Sandy relief. "Restore The Shore" will air November 15th on MTV.

4. No Doubt pulled their most recent video after complaints from Native American groups. The video was for "Looking Hot," the first single off of their latest album.

5. If you're still looking for ways to help Hurricane Sany victims, here are 10 Ways You Can help. This list is Beyoncé-approved, so you know it's legit.

(Image via)

People keep telling me about some sort of Mars landing, and how the Olympics are so great (apparently there was some sort of Call Me Maybe lip dub video, I don't know), but I can't even be bothered with that stuff, because, guys, have you seen what's going on in the world of reality TV?! I don't have time for any scientific discoveries when Honey Boo Boo is coming out on TLC. We need to prepare people, this is not a drill. 

This Week:

TVgasm has the official scoop on the sixth season of the Jersey Shore, and the second season of the Snooki and JWoww show (which apparently is a thing). Really though, it's good that Snooki has this show to fall back on... you know, if her career as a chemical engineer falls through.

Snoop Dogg changed his name to Snoop Lion, supposedly after a spiritual experience in Jamaica. TVgasm has some more info, but what I'm wondering is if Snoop will become Mountain Lion in a few months, and charge an extra 20 bucks for every show he does.

I wasn't kidding when i said that Honey Boo Boo is coming to TLC. The new trailer is out, TVgasm is all over it, and I could not be more excited/horrified about this show. On some level I just hope it's scripted so that I can know that there aren't humans who actually act like this.

TVgasm has another episode of Mornin' Time, starring a really, really gay chicken who will not be silenced. C'mon, Chick-Fil-A: just stop bullying this chicken, and let us eat him (her?). Whatever, let us eat this genderless chicken.

Remember: Just because TV watching isn't an Olympic event that doesn't mean you're not a winner.

It's TVgasm Tuesday once again, and my pledge to you is to make it through this without making a single presidential election joke. It's been a great week for music: Kid Rock released a new song, Rihanna is releasing a ridiculously expensive new album, and Briney Spears is in talks to write her very own autobiography? Oh did I saw great? I meant horribly, horribly, awful. Is Kid Rock even still a thing? I thought he magically disappeared in 2005 along with the terrible dial-up internet tone. Maybe TVgasm can help redeem this week for the world

This Week:

Sharon Osbourne is officially off of America's Got Talent, and the producers are trying to find someone to fill her judges chair. I'm pretty sure it'll have to be someone tiny because I have this theory that Sharon Osbourne is secretly a teeny tiny pixie that's made to look human sized with camera tricks. It's not that crazy, have you heard her voice?! Click to read the full story!

The Jersey Shore crew will be holding a hurricane Sandy fundraiser, and TVgasm has the full story. I guess the whole thing's going to be improvisation because I don't think the Jersey Shore cast can actually read off a teleprompter.

Life is hard on the Boardwalk, and TVgasm knows that. There are so many difficult questions like: Why don't people respond well when I set things on fire? Why Do I live on a boardwalk? Should I ask questions in threes? Read this weeks Dear TVgasm, addressed to the characters of Boardwalk Empire to get some honest answers.

Remember: If Kid Rock made it through the 2000's, you can make it through your day

It's TVgasm Tuesday! Did you watch the Oscars on Sunday night? No? That's fine because I did and here's everything you need to know: First and foremost you should know that almost everyone was offended by Seth MacFarlane, even though he charmed the pants off me (granted I wasn't wearing pants to begin with, but here we are). Anne Hathaway's nipples were probably the best-dressed stars on the red carpet, and their appearance reignited everyone's hatred of Anne Hathaway. Specifically our editor's. Kristin Chenoweth is a tiny elf. The internet is shitting its pants about Jennifer Lawrence. All pretty standard.

Here's some other non-Oscars stuff you should know: We have some more information about the new season of Arrested Devlopment, Maya Rudolph could possibly be hosting a new variety show (why has a big deal not been made about this?!), and Aubrey Plaza talks about food! Let's see what TVgasm has for us...

This Week:

I can't be the only one who can't keep all the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills straight, right? Which one is the blonde one with giant boobs again? Don't fear, TVgasm has the definitive RHOBH study guide!

Click to find out which Jersey Shore star (well, "star" is a bit of a stretch) sold her car on eBay! Here's a hint: she's orange and yells a lot and will probably get leopard print tattooed onto her skin at some point in the future.

I've always said that Michelle Obama can do no wrong, and I was finally proven absolutely right when she released this video with Jimmy Fallon! Click to watch FLOTUS outshine every other world leader's wife on national TV.

Remember: If you ever run into Anne Hathaway's nipples, they're more afraid of you than you are of them.

Tweet me your TV hopes and dreams: Sam_The_Stone

Hey guys, it's the holidays and you know what that means!?!?! DAILY GRACE HOLIDAY VIDEO COUNTDOWN!!! AAAAHHHH!

5. Sexy Letters To Santa

Who doesn't want to write a sexy letter to Santa? No one!

4. Daily Gradvice: The Holiday Edition

Uh, everyone always needs a little help with their holidays. Let Grace give you some advice dummy!

3. A Very Jersey Holiday Gift Guide

Stefani, our favorite Jersey girl, gets some lessons on buying gifts for your friends and family!

2. A Happy Holiday E-Card

What better gift than an e-card of Grace for your loved ones. NOTHING. Except for maybe…

1. Sexy Holiday Pick Up Lines

Everyone always wants to pick up or be picked up, it's science. Grace gives you those perfect holiday pick up lines so you aren't spending the holidays all alone.

That's it guys, my Top 5 Daily Grace Holiday Videos!

Tweet at me if you think I'm wrong because if there is one thing the holidays are about besides love, joy, and peace… it's FIGHTING!!!

@MrChrisDonahue

It's TVgasm Tuesday again and just in time. It looks like the country is falling apart right now: Clint Eastwood is talking to a chair, Tom Cruise is auditioning women to be his wife, and the Republican National Convention just happened, so we're all still trying to cope. Luckily, I, accompanied as always by the folks at TVgasm, am here again to help America deal while it's going though it's very own "Hot Mess Phase". 

This Week:

Listen America, first things first, we need to stop paying Kim Kardashian to do nothing. She recently got boatloads of money from the Gap/Old Navy lawsuit, and, let's be honest, she probably doesn't actually need any more money. So, here's my advice, world: stop being obsessed with Kim; I guarantee it will improve your life. It might even stop global warming, who knows?

Oh, and another thing: can we all agree collectively not to mourn the loss of Jersey Shore? Since this upcoming season will be their last, maybe we finally get over these loud Guidos and move on with our lives. We can do this, Internet. Let's make a clean break

Lastly, I love Betty White as much as the next guy. Maybe more than the next guy, actually, but come on, we can't let her do Obama's intro at the DNC, if for no other reason than Betty White is a goddess and we have to uphold the separation of church and state. Also, she might start having a conversation with a table or something, and I could not handle that.

Remember: If you want to help America out, write a mildly aggressive blog post. Mild aggression can change the world.