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According to this USA Today article, Kim Kardashian and Kanye West's baby - born this weekend - is "beautiful."  I am now breathing a sigh of relief.  

(Just a quick aside, here are my all-time best births: 1) Kanye and Kim's child, and 2) God's son, Jesus.)

If you're into stories like the one above, then watch Pilot Season.  It's also about people dying to become famous even though they have not done anything to deserve it - but for the record, Kanye West rules.  No disrespect there.  His new album Yeezus - which leaked on Friday - is dope.  Check it LEGALLY when it comes out tomorrow. 

That's all!  Happy Monday!  Follow me on Twitter: @DannyMoney

Welcome to TVgasm WEDNESDAY WOAH WHAT A CRAZY WORLD! It's been a big week so make sure you're comfortable, maybe take your pants off whatever I'm not the cops. First and foremost Cher not only performed live onstage for the first time in years, but also wore the most ridiculous wig possible, and you sort of need to see it to understand. Have you guys heard about the Veronica Mars movie funded entirely via Kickstarter? It's happening. The casting announcement is up. It's now a real thing. If you were ever wondering what your favorite TV characters looked like while receiving oral sex (which I mean….you probably have right?) your prayers have now been answered. Side note: Does Don Draper EVER show emotion? I mean come on.

You should for sure read about these early casting considerations for your favorite shows. What if John Cusack was Walter White?! What if Al Gore had been elected?! These are the questions that keep me up at night. It's been a big week for Kanye too, let's not forget. He released his new album Yeezus, featuring God, and he released a new baby, featuring his wife, Kim. Let's see what TVgasm has

This week:

Do you guys think Kim Kardashian will be a good mom? My guess is that she'll forget her baby in a Taco Bell, but maybe I'm just jumping to assumptions. It could just as easily be a Popeyes or something.

Big Brother 15 is coming all too soon, and you need to be prepared for it. Let TVgasm help you out!

Remember: It's not "abandoning" a child if you eventually find it in the Wendy's bathroom you forgot it in.

Tweet me about that time your parents lost you @Sam_the_stone

Thank God it's Tuesday, right, guys?! Is "TGIT" a thing? Whatever. I'm making it a thing right now; tell everyone you know. Sure, we're only two days into the week and the weekend is over 72 hours away... but the high point of your week is here: It's TVgasm Tuesday! Exclamation points!

This Week:

Do you love David Hasselhoff? Probably not because he's kind of the worst, but it's pretty funny to watch him attempt a German accent in the new online Lean Pockets ad campaign. Watch him subtly imply that the other actress has nothing going for her but her looks! So chivalrous!

Do you love Oprah? If you don't, you should because a) she's perf and b) she's the only person who actually has enough lady-balls to ask the Kardashian clan why they're famous. Go watch Oprah try to get the Kardashians to admit that they are, in fact, made mostly of plastic at this point.

Do you like toddlers? Do you like tiaras? Do you like when people ask you several questions in a row? TVgasm can help you determine if you're cut out for the world of pageants. Specifically, are you cut out for pageants starring children and their insane parents in this week's "Dear TVgasm?"

Remember: If you keep watching famous people on TV, you'll probably become one. (I'm assuming THAT'S what the Kardashians did to get famous.)

Dear Kim Kardashian,

Look what you've done. It isn't so much that the grandmas are shocked by your sex tape it's more that now someone has to explain to them who Ray J is.

Thanks, Modern Primate for bringing this serious issue to our attention.

Welcome once again to TVgasm Tuesday. Did you enjoy the long weekend? Well, I hope you're rested because there is a lot of TV news and you need to know all of it so you can finally have something to say to those pesky "friends" of yours. For example you could tell your friends how Alec Baldwin had a few choice no-no words for some paparazzi. We can all laugh about this, "oh ha ha Alec Baldwin in crazy hardy har har" but the bottom line is please don't beat me up, Alec Baldwin.

Also, did you know Fergie is pregnant? My predictions are as follows: the baby will be more photogenic than any of us, the baby's name will have at least four and, at most, six consecutive consonants in it, and there will be a surge of "My Humps" jokes on twitter [ed. note: It's already happening]. Speaking of babies, Blue Ivy was featured in the Beyoncé documentary, and you should go read about it and then cry at Beyoncé's adorable offspring. Let's see what TVgasm has for us...

This Week:

Apparently, Khloe Kardashian's lack of expertise and talent has caught up to her, click here to see how. If it weren't for the alliteration in her name and her crazy eyes, I'm pretty sure America would have NO time for Khloe.

And, here's to you, Amanda Bynes! You're just a fun-loving twenty-something trying to figure it all out! You're like a slightly intoxicated Zooey Deschanel without bangs or charm or any likable quality that Zooey Deschanel has! Keep being newsworthy, girl!

Remember: We can't ALL be Zooey Deschanel, but we CAN all try.