Found 10 results for "kristen wiig"

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  • Status Kill

    How To Say A Special "Happy Birthday"

    Birthdays happen all the time, you guys. For example, yesterday was Kristen Wiig's birthday... Friday is Dave Chappelle's birthday... it's like EVERYONE has one!

    But how can I stand out from the crowd? Just saying "Happy Birthday" doesn't feel like enough! What else can I do?

    Am I supposed to get gifts for all of these celebrities? I can't even afford to buy my real friends birthday presents! If only there were a way give a huge gift to everyone to let them know I care... something everyone loves. When a post on a Facebook wall just doesn't seem like enough I'm going to go with this.

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  • Celebrity Autobiography

    If You're Going To Miss Kristen Wiig...

    Did you all watch the SNL season finale? Did you cry as hard as I did when they said farewell to Kristen Wiig, who ends her run at Saturday Night Live after seven years?

    Just a reminder that thanks to the power of the internet we'll be able to relive certain Kristen Wiig performances over and over. And when we've watched all of her videos, we can watch our Bridesmaids DVDs and drink some wine and yell at the TV things like "THIS MOVIE IS, LIKE, MY LIFE! Oh. Except for that pooping in the street part. BUT THE REST OF IT IS SO TRUE."

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  • TVGasm

    TVGASM TUESDAY

    Live* from New York... it's TVgasm Tuesday! This week, for some reason, almost every piece of news somehow deals with SNL alumni, so let's find out together how many SNL jokes I can fit into this post (my guess is zero jokes, maybe ONE joke at the most, so don't get your hopes up). First up, arguably the most loved SNL alumna, Tina Fey, talked with GQ Magazine about her new movie, Admission, and, also arguably, stole my heart. 


    Reports surfaced that SNL head writer Seth Meyers may be in line to take over Jimmy Fallon's late night slot, though this decision is based on the assumption that Fallon will be  take over for Leno, and that Leno will peaceably leave the studio and not try to organize some kind of occupy protest. We already know Will Ferrell and Kristin Wiig are working together on Anchorman 2, but did you know they may be working on an indie comedy called Welcome to Me? I didn't know that, but I'm ready to throw all of my money at a movie screen in order to watch it. Sorry guys, those SNL jokes really got away from me, I'm not a machine; I'm not a magician! Let's see what TVgasm has for us:



    This Week:


    Are you following Amanda Bynes on Twitter? Honestly, you should follow her because she has produced some quality content and I can't wait to see what's in store for her future! Click to read some of the highlights!


    There's a lot of B.S. floating around out there: The Kardashians, Tim Tebow... so much that I can't keep track of all the malarkey. Let TVgasm help you navigate through it all by featuring the "B.S. of the Day!" Click here to watch.


    Remember: No matter what Amanda Bynes tweets at you (*cough Drake cough*, DON'T try to murder her lady parts. It's a trap!


    Tweet me your best Amanda Bynes impression @Sam_the_stone


    *Not at all live in any way

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  • The Night Feed

    Twilight Fan Fiction

    The last Twilight movie comes out today. I've never actually seen any of these movies, so, naturally, I'm totally qualified to write a little Twilight fan fiction. Check it:


    Twilight: Breaking Dawn – The Final Chapter: The Saga Ends

    by Dan Grgas


    “The sun is rising,” said Edward. “Dawn is breaking.”


    Bella jumped off of her wolf and Edward followed suit. “Patience, my love,” she said. “We are almost at the end.”


    They looked into one another’s eyes. Oh, so much time wasted-– yet, so much shared.  They kissed passionately, as if their world was about to end at any moment, their souls becoming one, their hearts beating with desire, their entire beings conjoining into one unit.


    “What was that?” Edward said, breaking from his soul kiss with Bella. “The woods.”


    They both turned to see Taylor Lautner’s figure silhouetted in the receding moonlight.


    “Hello, Edward. Hello, Bella,” he said. “The end is nigh.”


    “You know you have no place here!” Edward shouted at Lautner, taking a step toward his foe. “Be gone from this place! It is the only way-– or else the seal shall be broken and we will both be banished to the Sun of Never-Ending Night!”


    “You think that, old friend,” Taylor spake, “you think those thoughts tinged with superstition.” 


    He cackled wildly until Bella’s voice shimmered out from the dawn light behind Edward to address Lautner, to let him know-– to make him feel-– that there was indeed no place for the two of them in this world. “There is no place for us in this world, Taylor!” she said, needing to make sure that he knew that, above all else. “Above all, by now you must know this, Taylor!” she proclaimed, knowing at the same time that, sure, it might have worked in another world, but here, in this world, the world of Night, she was Edward’s, and Edward hers. 


    She walked toward Taylor in the receding moonlight. “Taylor,” she whispered, knowing his hearing was acute, “Let me go.”


    “No!” he howled, awakening the slumbering turtledoves in the surrounding wood. “I will make a place for us!”


    He then launched himself toward Bella and Edward, but Edward, quick as ever, pulled out his broadsword and drove the mighty blade deep into Lautner’s chest.


    Slain, Taylor Lautner fell to his knees, the mighty blade still embedded in his black heart. He looked to Bella who had knelt beside him. “My love is the Cry of the Wolf-Creature, and the Raven swoops to reclaim me…I love you, Bella…” 


    He breathed his final breath and his life expired as his soul rose to meet The Moon-Maker.  


    Edward ripped the mighty blade from Taylor’s chest and bent over his victim to begin drinking his blood. Bella said, “Goodbye, Taylor. Dawn was never meant to break for you.”   


    She closed his eyes with her delicate, pale fingertips and then rose to recite a vampire prayer for the dead she had learned from Edward.


    “Eee-mow-way

    The vampire’s day

    Is always night

    Hey-dee-doo, 

    Doo-boo-hey,

    A fallen soldier

    To the light’s bright day

    Bee-bee-dee

    Doo-dah-hey.”


    Edward, having consumed all of Lautner’s blood, rose next to Bella and took her pale, delicate hands into his. “He was a warrior. Too bad he could never see the error of his night-wantings.”


    Bella looked deep into the eyes of her one true love, Edward. His eyes, she thought, Oh, how they burned like the light he could never see in this land.  


    “I love you, my sweet.”


    “And I you.”


    They kissed, then and there, with the passion of six thousand eons of night; a kiss that would last an eternity, sure as the night is as dark as a pool of frozen obsidian. 


    They broke apart from one another, much like the dawn around them. “Bella, we must leave,” he said to her.


    “I know.”


    They mounted their mighty wolves and swiftly rode off, two lovers with the world at their backs and the future in front of them. They knew that the rode was full of peril, for they were star-crossed.  But as their wolves pulsated below them, their coats glistening in the breaking dawn, Bella and Edward knew they had the most powerful thing in the world on their side: Love.


    - THE END - 


    Follow me on Twitter: @DannyMoney

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  • McMayhem

    Who doesn't like Spooning?

    These are the kinds of people we imagine don't like Spooning:

    *People who have problems with intimacy.

    *People who would rather be wearing furry costumes.

    *People who have problems controlling their own body heat so any additional body heat is just too overwhelming? (I actually sat next to someone on a plane once who told me this. I think he just wanted the armrest all to himself.)

    *Kristen Stewart if she's sleeping with Robert Pattinson.

    *People who are into forking instead.

    *People who happen to be mysterious, self-made billionaires who have also experienced traumatic childhoods and channeled all of their control issues into questionable BDSM relationships yet somehow remain alluring to every female on the planet Earth.

    End of rant. Just watch this.

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  • The Night Feed

    5 Things You May Have Missed

    1. The Olympic Opening Ceremony. Except you didn't. You didn't miss it. I know this because it's all anybody talked about all weekend. The tape delay, the parachuting Queen, the national health care dance. Well, JUST IN CASE YOU DID, here's the archive of our Opening Ceremony live-tweeting!.

    2. Ryan Lochte is a ridiculously good-looking person. FACT.

    3. The Dark Knight Rises dominated the Box Office for a second week in a row. This is not surprising. What IS surprising is that the Step Up saga continues (so much dancing drama!) and people in the world continue to see it.

    4. Playboy is getting its first Indian model and it was HER idea! She wrote a letter to Hef saying, "Let me be naked for you!" And he said "Great idea!" Progress, everybody! This is how it happens!

    5. Robert Pattinson moved out of the home he and Kristen Stewart shared in the wake of her admission she cheated on him. Or maybe she moved out. Or maybe they never lived there together anyway. Or maybe these are a lot of pictures of a U-haul and no actual pictures of either of them. Whatever. It's HOLLYWOOD!

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  • The Comic's Comic

    Join us at 92Y Tribeca

    Join us and The Comic's Comic for a night of comedy at 92Y Tribeca!

    The Comic's Comic has a show full of your My Damn Channel favorites:
    Jon Friedman - The Jon Friedman Internet Program
    Dave Hill - Guest on My Damn Channel LIVE!
    Dan St. Germain - Kicking Dan Out
    Kristen Schaal - Horrible People

    PLUS... special guests I'm  not allowed to tell you about because Sean McCarthy, editor of The Comic's Comic, said I can't tell you! Buy a ticket to find out who I'm not allowed to tell you about!

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  • TVGasm

    TVGASM TUESDAY

    It's TVgasm Tuesday once again, and there has been some intense TV news this week, so get ready to be punched right in the nostalgia bone. If you were alive in the early 2000's (and very busy being a chubby middle schooler like this cool guy) you are going to straight up barf when you hear that Whose Line is it Anyway? is returning to television. If you're not already barfing, you will when you see pictures from the set of Anchorman 2 (also did you know Kristin Wiig is in this one? Because I did not, and that is a big deal). 


    In other news Fox has renewed a few shows which is… well, exciting isn't the right word, but, I mean, I guess I'll probably watch them, I don't know. Game of Thrones has released new promotion posters for their new season, so call your older brother's nerdy friend, tell him the great news and listen as he mouth-breathes frantically in excitement. Downton Abbey has also released new "official" photos for season four, so call your mom's fortysomething friend, tell her the great news, and listen as she struggles to write a poorly worded Facebook status about it. 


    This week on TVgasm:


    Heidi Klum is back on top! Or at least, she's being paid a lot of money for very little work-- which is what I consider to be "the top!" Click to find out which show hired her!


    The CW's 90210 is finally getting cancelled after five seasons of no one being interested in it. Listen, The CW, I'm all about revamps, but next time, let's try for some quality shows like…oh, I don't know...really ANYthing that won't revolve around nameless hot blonde teenagers storming out of rooms.


    It's been a while since I've read or written anything about Honey Boo Boo, so I was really excited to read TVgasm's post about her girl scout cookies campaign. I think the next questions are: Will she be running with Hillary in 2016? Or will she start her own campaign? And what does she think about the current geopolitical climate?!


    Remember: Don't judge someone for mouth-breathing. Actually don't do anything with someone who mouth-breathes.


    Tweet me about TV if you're not a mouth-breather at Sam_The_Stone.


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