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All these "celebrities" endorse alcohol and I-- as an incredibly influential blogger-- am sick of it! What kind of example is Lil' Kim setting for the children? Wait... do the children even know who Lil' Kim is? As a public service, here are a few recommendations for products other than alcohol that celebrities can endorse:

1. Hey, P. Diddy (if that's your real name)! How about endorsing sunglasses since no one has seen your eyes 2003 (if you even have eyes)!

2. Hey Jersey Shore Douche, why don't you promote not wearing a shirt ever because even though I don't know your name (and refuse to google it) I don't think I've ever seen you with a shirt on.

3. Hey Dan Aykroyd, I just found out you endorse alcohol as well. Here's an idea, why don't you endorse not taking classic films and ruining them by making a third installment 20 years later?

Oh right, because alcohol is fun. Tweet me an endorsement deal: @MrChrisDonahue

It's TVgasm Tuesday once again and it seems like 2013 is quickly becoming the year of the heartbreaking series finale -- The Office shot its final episode a few days ago, and, predictably, I did not leave my bed that day. Thankfully, the internet came to my rescue and provided me with hours of The Office nostalgia like this beautiful photo.

Also, a sign-in list from the first day of auditions was posted AND if you aren't already crying, Steve Carell was on the Nerdist podcast (he doesn't really talk about The Office that much, but it's just comforting to hear his voice).

Other things that are a big deal: Beyoncé released a new single, appropriately named "Bow Down", which is exactly what I did the first time I heard it. Emma Watson could possibly be doing a movie version of 50 Shades of Gray, which is….porn….right? It has to be just porn, like what else is that book about besides sex? It's fine, I'm just saying let's call it what it is, so horny mothers of five know exactly what they're getting when they go see it. On that note, let's see what TVgasm has...

This Week:

As usual Oprah has hopped on a bandwagon, like, five weeks too late. She's released a Harlem Shake video, go check TVgasm out for all the details. Maybe she'll discover Nyan Cat in a couple years. Oprah iz a n00b, L0L.

Lindsay Lohan is in the news again, this time not for killing a couple clown hookers, but because she feels feels bullied by Justin Bieber. Well, I have some news for you Ms. Lohan, we've all felt personally victimized by Justin Bieber at one time or another. It's time to wipe up your mascara, build a bridge out of all your money, and get over it.

Did you know Lil Wayne was in the hospital? I did not, but apparently it was pretty serious, but he's fine now and all's well that ends well. Check out TVgasm for the full story!

Remember: The ending of TV series is a perfectly valid excuse to sit in bed all day and eat 3500 calories….so I hear….from my friends….who did that.

Tweet me quotes from the office and I will respond with a quote from the same episode FROM MEMORY. @Sam_the_stone

1. Robsten (Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart) may still be broken after all. You mean their relationship was fake? A marketing ploy contrived by all parties to milk every last cent from the last installment of their multi-million dollar movie franchise? You don't say.

2. Paranormal Activity 4 scared up a win at the box office over the weekend. I'm so sorry for that sentence. What a terrible, terrible, thing to have written.

3. Lindsay Lohan's father tried to have an intervention with her and it didn't work. BUT, she's also off the hook for her latest hit-and-run allegation, so, you know, there's that.

4. "Paul Ryan Shirtless" is googled 9 times more than "Paul Ryan Budget."

5. Lil Wayne sang "Take Me Out To The Ballgame" at the San Francisco Giants vs St. Louis Cardinals National League Championship game on Sunday, proving why he is a rapper and not a crooner. This also makes us wonder whether maybe Harry Caray would have been great with the 808s.

Dear Kim Kardashian,

Look what you've done. It isn't so much that the grandmas are shocked by your sex tape it's more that now someone has to explain to them who Ray J is.

Thanks, Modern Primate for bringing this serious issue to our attention.

It's TVgasm Tuesday and as a source of valuable news and information I think I should get right to this: Al Roker pooped his pants. Well, he "sharted" if we're being completely real, but you can watch the interview for yourself. Oh, and have you listened to the soundtrack from the HBO show, Girls? Check it out here! It's so great! (Please don't kill me, Lena Dunham-- I'll do whatever you want). The Carey-Minaj feud is a thing again and I can say firmly that if either of those women even threatened me I would melt into a puddle of fear/tears/apologies. And that leads us to the theme of this week's TVgasm Tuesday: Women of Whom I Am Irrationally Terrified! Let's see what scary women TVgasm has for us, shall we?

This Week:

NeNe Leakes has done it again. Somehow, she made me care-- just a little bit!-- about something she's doing. Click to find out what she's done this week. PS: NeNe, if you're reading this, please don't hunt me down like an animal, I'm just trying to live my life as a mild mannered, mildly rude, entertainment news blogger.

Kim Kardashian is preggers, and if that woman didn't terrify me before, adding hormones and pregnancy cravings to her has definitely done it. Read this weeks Dear TVgasm and try to avoid the wrath of Kim K and her unborn child at all costs!

I'm just kind of assuming that everyone who runs E! is a lady, which is maybe probably sexist, but who else would give Ryan Lochte his own show?! Who am I kidding, I will probably watch this show while eating ice cream. I don't care. I'm not scared. Go read the full story at TVgasm!

Remember: If you accidentally poop your pants, hands down, the best thing you can do about it is tell everyone on national television.

It's another TVgasm Tuesday, and just in time, too! I mean for one thing, The Golden Globes happened, and Amy Poehler and Tina Fey were perf as expected. Bill Clinton showed up, so you know it was an awesome party. Justin Timberlake released a new song (from his album which will be dropping later this year) called Suit and Tie, and no one really knows how to feel about it. Finally, and this one may be the biggest deal of all, NBC leaked the first half episode of the new season of SMASH, you can watch it here, and then tell me what you think. Personally, I'm a big fan of Jennifer Hudson singing loudly AND Jeremy Jordan's arms, so overall I was pretty happy with it. Let's see if anything TVgasm has can top Jeremy Jordan's heart-melting arms...

This Week:

Did you see that kind of awkward moment at the Golden Globes where someone made fun of Taylor Swift, and she kind of looked like she was going to cry? What's that? Oh, just that she ALWAYS looks like she's going to cry? Maybe some advice from TVgasm could help her out.

The original pop-star trainwreck mess, Britney Spears, has some sad news to share, and unfortunately it is not that she's following in the steps of her diva nemesis LiLo by starring in a Lifetime movie. Click to find out what happened.

I'm sure you've heard a lot about the new Kardashian baby, but has anyone actually taken the time to interview the fetus to see what his (her?) opinion is on all of the controversy? TVgasm took the initiative, and found a way to get this baby to write a blog post. Check it out!

Remember: If Justin Timberlake forces you to listen to his new single in front of him, just smile and nod and tell him it sounds like he finally "found his voice" or something nonsensical like that. Singers love that.

Tweet me all your unruly opinions! @Sam_the_stone