Found 15 results for "matt damon"

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  • The Night Feed

    Ben Affleck's Diary

    Dear Diary, 

    I'm Batman.  

    Haha!  OMG, I never thought I would be writing those words down and that they would actually be true!  I have wanted to play Batman ever since I wore Batman jammys back in high school!  And the fact that my nickname for Jenny's vagina has always been "The Batcave"…Well, I guess it was somehow always inevitable that if I was given the opportunity to play Batman I would.

    And now I am.  I'm Batman.  I'M Batman.  I AM BATMAN!  Haha, OMG, I have been celebrating all day!  It's like when I beat Gran Turismo 3!  That's the feeling I have right now.  Like when I beat Gran Turismo 3.

    Man, where to begin?  I had been lobbying for months and months to get this part, greasing every wheel possible.  I mean, I know what you might think: how hard could it be for a handsome Oscar winner to get a part he wants?  Well the answer is: very!  Very hard - very, very hard!  So hard.  But eventually I threatened enough people that I was given the job this morning.  And then we popped champagne!

    Jenny and Matt are so proud of me.  Matt's taking Jenny and I out to dinner in a couple of hours to continue the celebration.  I asked Matt if I could call and make the reservation at the restaurant and he gave me permission.  So when I called and said, "Reservation for 4 at 8 PM, please," the maitre d said, "And what name shall I hold this reservation under?" and I paused for a moment and then said, "…Batman." !!!!!!!!  I was laughing so hard that the guy said "Real mature, sir," and then hung up on me and then I had to call Matt so he could fix the problem and then Matt yelled at me before he hung up.  But it's all OK, we've got a table, Matt is a little problem solver, always has been!

    All in all, I can't describe how happy I am, I am so happy.  Thank you to all my family, friends, and fans.  Without you I wouldn't be able to say, "I'm Batman".  But I can say it: I'M BATMAN!!!!  Haha, life is sweet!

    Ciao for now!


  • The Night Feed

    Ben Affleck's Diary - OSCAR NIGHT!

    I lost my Oscar.

    I don't know where it is! I'm so embarrassed I don't know what to say.  I mean, here I am winning an Oscar for Best Picture of the year, and then the next thing I know Clooney's giving me my eighth shot of anisette and my mother's calling Jenny because Vi shit the bed again or something and bingo-bango my Oscar is missing and the Los Angeles police doesn't seem to give a damn.  

    When I realized it was gone last night I cried a little bit, though I don't really remember it.  I do remember that f***ing little princess Anne Hathaway yelling in my face about how she was picked most likely to succeed in high school and how it is totally coming true, and also how Devito was cracking me up talking about his penis but I can't - remember - where - my - Oscar - is.  This sucks.  I earned that Oscar!  It's mine!

    Oh well, maybe the Academy will get me another one.  I still have the one I won for writing with Matt, but this one is cooler - I mean, would you rather win an Oscar with Matt Damon or George Clooney?   Kind of a no brainer, though Matt's cool, don't get me wrong, but he only has a single Oscar and I have two - well, I've won two but like I said, I lost the one last night.  

    That doesn't change the fact that I didn't win it, though!  And that's enough.  Jenny says that's enough.  And I think it is, I just wouldn't mind having the Oscar, the actual thing, but whatever.  I had a fun night.  Maybe it'll turn up.  Regardless, I am truly blessed.  I have to call and thank everyone for making last night so special and maybe throw a brick through Anne Hathaway's window because she sucks.

    Bye bye, diary!

    Sincerely, with love,

    Two-time Academy Award Winner,

    Benjamin Affleck


  • The Night Feed

    Good Will Batman

    Favorite movie, go? Good Will Hunting? Wrong! Try Good Will Batman!

    The internet is ablaze with the news that Ben Affleck is playing Batman and I for one could give a hoot and a holler! I think Ben Affleck is a talented actor and he keeps a great diary right on this here site.

    Anyway, the one truly amazing thing to come out of this news is the fact that the ever so amazing Pete Holmes made this wonderfully funny video Good Will Batman.

    It is amazing. It is Friday. I'm outta here!



  • The Night Feed

    Ben Affleck's Diary - Golden Globes Edition


    Dear Diary,

    So. Hung. Over.  

    Haha, OMG, last night was one of the best, craziest nights of my life!  I didn't just win one Golden Globe, I won two!  How amazing is that?

    So the night started pretty much like you'd expect.  A little blow in the limo just to get the feeling right; I only do that kind of thing before big awards shows nowadays, unless of course I'm hanging out with Damon.  They don't call him "China White" for nothing.

    The red carpet is always the same.  I hate it.  I know I'm an actor and I should be used to the attention but I don't, I just don't.  Too many eyes on me.  I get uncomfortable.  I sweat.  I have dark thoughts.  Thank god I have Jenny with me.  I don't think I could have bared the prying eyes any longer if not for my beautiful angel protecting me on that red carpet.  I love you, baby.

    But once I'm inside the hotel, I come alive!  All my friends are there, the Mike's Hard Lemonade is flowing, and I'm feeling groovy!  Not worried about winning or losing at this point, just looking to have a good time and catch up with friends I haven't seen in a long time.  I mean, how often do I get to make fun of Anne Hathaway with Jennifer Lawrence?  Hathaway's mouth is freakin' huge, LOL!

    And then the ceremony starts and Tina and Amy totally are killing it and next thing you know Jodie's speech is totally confusing me and I'm hoisting a best director statue!  So thrilling.  Like, of course I said that winning doesn't mean as much as being mentioned in the same breath as the other directors nominated but we all know that's a load of bullshit.  You play to win the game, simple as that.  Maybe DeNiro will start taking my calls now that I've finally won a globe.  

    More Mike's Hard and kisses with Jenny and then Argo wins best picture.  The best.  Night.  Ever.  Standing onstage with all of those talented people looking at all of the drunk A-listers applauding me is like standing atop Mount Olympus as Zeus bathes you in the golden tear drops of Helen of Troy.  Boner city, LOL.

    After that we went to the after party and I don't even think I can even write down an account of the debauchery that transpired.  Let me just say Clooney doesn't always get naked, but when he does, you KNOW it's a good night.  And then let me say John Goodman doesn't always get naked, but when he does you know we're heading to White Castle sooner than later.  I know, so Hollywood, right? ;)

    Okay I need to take some Advil and get in the hot tob with my Golden Globes.  It's been so amazing.  I love the me that I am.  I love Jenny.  I love movies!!!!  Haha, ok, ok, bye for now diary.



    PS - Arkin's head isn't the only thing that's bald :-p


  • The Night Feed

    Ben Affleck's Diary


    Dear Diary,

    Jennifer tells me not to worry but I am mad.  The Oscar nominations came out today and I didn't get nominated for Best Director!  Snubbed.  I mean, Argo was nominated for Best Picture and I'm proud of that - but I wanted to be nominated for Best Director!  It just kind of hurts that the Academy didn't think my work was worthy of a nomination - and also, I dunno what they're playing at, but that guy Michael Haneke was nominated and he isn't even an American - and neither is Ang Lee!  What's up with that?  I'm American, born and raised.  I'm from BOSTON, damnit!  I think the Academy should show some respect - Jenny agrees with me on this, too.  She's the best :) Hi, baby! I know you're reading this!

    Damon came over with some Mike's Hard.  We sat in the den and talked about the Oscars and then Matt popped in Good Will Hunting again…Always the bridesmaid, never the bride, I guess.  I mean, we both wrote the script, but I wasn't "Will"; I wasn't the star, I didn't get nominated for Best Actor, Matt did.  It's OK though, he means well.  Jenny reminded me that Matt's new movie Promised Land got bad reviews and that made me feel a little better.  I know he's my friend, but sometimes I can't help but smile when a movie of his tanks a little, LOL. 

    After that I kinda just hung out around the house for a while.  I'm trying to learn how to play "Hold On Loosely" on the guitar but I just can't get it.  The chords hurt my fingers and I got frustrated so I just stopped and went to the computer and played Bejeweled while a "Cheers" re-run played on a tv in the background.  Eventually Jenny came in and gave me a hug and that made me feel better, so I got up and the two of us went to an ice cream parlor to get sundaes.  Unfortunately a dude with a camera was there trying to get pictures of us so I had to pull a knife on him (don't worry, I didn't have to stab him).

    Somehow, Jenny and I were able to sneak out the back and we drove up to our favorite lookout spot in Malibu. As the sun set, I held my likable and charming yet still-able-to-kick-some-a** actress wife and couldn't help but wish I were holding a best director academy award statue instead. Sorry, baby. I know you're reading this :(

    After about 40 minutes we were ready to head home and now here I am writing this entry.  All and all it was an OK day.  I didn't get nominated for Best Director but there's always next time.  And who knows, maybe we'll win Best Picture!  I have to count my blessings. 

    Your friend,



  • The Night Feed

    The Book Of Mormon Comes To South Park

    Well isn't this the cutest thing you have ever seen.  Just a casual mashup of South Park and The Book of Mormon, Trey Parker and Matt Stone's greatest creation and another of their awesome creations co-existing in a world of their own.  Well done.  Oh and also, Josh Gad was an O.G. cast member of Mormon, and he is an O.G. My Damn Channel dude: watch his web series Gigi below, by clicking right HERE.


  • McMayhem

    Smile, You're on McMayhem!

    Do you guys know that show Candid Camera? Well, today was a special day because today was the anniversary of Candid Camera's original 1948 premiere! That's a lot of anniversaries! How many anniversaries? MATH IT YOURSELVES!!! Come on, use some of that brain power. All I know is that it is super old. Essentially, it's dinosaur old.*

    I kind of feel like our buddy Matt McManus should come up with a new tagline for his My Damn Channel series. Something along the lines of "Smile, you're on McMayhem!" What do you guys think? Guys, how's that math going?

    *Note: If you were born in/before 1948 I apologize that you're old but congratulations on your ability to use a computer and the internet.


  • The Night Feed

    Working For The Weekend

    You guys, I went to a wedding near Buffalo yesterday. GO SABRES!!! YAAAHHHH!!! You want to know what else I'm rooting for you guys?

    1. Matt Romney for President!!! and of course his running mate Rob Paul!!!

    2. You know who else I would vote for President (only if Matt Romney wasn't running, obviously) Marc Maron. My pal Ramsey Ess wrote this interesting article on Marc Maron's stand-up beginning.

    3. Seinfeld! He's being wacky driving around in cars with his comedian friends getting coffee and talking about stuff. What's the deal with that?

    4. Louis broke an Emmy record being nominated for 7 Emmy's this year!!!

    5. This is the best twitter account. You should follow it.

    Breaking Bad's season premiere last week was awesome and I can't wait to see the new episode tonight so tweet me anything but spoilers @MrChrisDonahue


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