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We know you're wondering what movie to see this weekend. The Lucky One, Magic Mike, Think Like a Man, Chimpanzee, The Bob Marley Documentary... so many options.

How to choose?

Modern Primate hasn't seen any of these movies, but they've watched all the trailers! Therefore, they're totally and absolutely qualified to pass judgment on each of these films.

Judging Movies Based Solely On Their Trailers.

Oh, don't get all huffy, you do it, too.

"Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters" comes out today, and to get you guys excited about it, I watched the trailer, and "wrote" a review of it. I don't know if it actually qualifies as writing a review if it's a total of seventeen syllables, but here we are.

There's so many guns!

Isn't this a kids' story?!

Please don't make me go.

Tweet me your hopes and dreams @Sam_the_Stone

In today's fast-paced world we don't have time to watch an entire movie trailer! Don't worry: I watched the Beautiful Creatures trailer and compressed all my thoughts into 17 syllables for you. Catch Beautiful Creatures in movie theaters February 13th. Or don't. I'm not your mom; do whatever you want.

This girl's dramatic

Oh shit can she do magic?

The south is scary

Tweet me your unpopular political opinions @Sam_the_stone

There's been some commotion on the internet with the release of Spring Breakers, a new movie starring James Franco, Selena Gomez, Vanessa Hudgens, and several other pretty teenage girls I've never heard of. I'm not going to tell you to see this movie or not, but I'll give you a few highlights from the trailer and let you make an informed decision:

James Franco. Moustache.
Girls in bikinis shooting
Spring break forever

Oh what the hell I'll give you a bonus haiku:

Disney Channel stars,
How can you do this to me?!
Right in the childhood.

Selena Gomez and Vanessa Hudgens, feel free to tweet me your answers at @Sam_The_Stone

Have you been keeping up with Mark Malkoff and his mission to watch 250 movies on Netflix this month?

So far he's watched 60 movies on Netflix streaming.

That's 95 hours.

He didn't leave his home for 6 days.

When he DID leave, he watched "Hoosiers" on his phone.

Mark's taking movie suggestions via Twitter and Facebook! What should he watch next? Today's theme is "Action" and Wednesday's theme is "Horror." We can't wait until Friday, when Mark has resolved to watch "Razzie Winners."

Someone has to suffer for art, Mark. We're just glad it's you and not us who has to watch "Gigli."

(image via Christine Peeler)

Mark's newest challenge is to see how many movies he can watch on Netflix streaming in a single month.

His goal is 250 movies. That's 15.5 hours per day. That's including ALL THE END CREDITS.

Think he can do it? Well, do you think a man who can get Six-Pack Abs in 30 Days can do it? Or do you think a man who brought a goat into an Apple Store can do it? Do you think a man who raced a New York City bus on a Big Wheel and WON can do it?

Follow Mark on Twitter and Facebook and tell him what movie he should watch next!

I'm trying. I really am. I'm trying to pretend that other things in the world are happening, like Grace and Dan and Phil are all going to be at Playlist Live in Orlando, March Madness is...um... a thing, and half of you are already on Spring Break and don't care about things that I care about anyway.

BUT.

THE HUNGER GAMES IS COMING OUT ON MARCH 23RD. And I'm pretending that it's relevant to My Damn Channel because Elizabeth Banks has been in a few episodes of Wainy Days so that counts. That TOTALLY COUNTS. So when I see The Hunger Games once, twice, fifty times next weekend I can totally write it off as a business expense. It can be, like, uh... research... for, um, THIS POST.