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Thank God it's Tuesday, right, guys?! Is "TGIT" a thing? Whatever. I'm making it a thing right now; tell everyone you know. Sure, we're only two days into the week and the weekend is over 72 hours away... but the high point of your week is here: It's TVgasm Tuesday! Exclamation points!

This Week:

Do you love David Hasselhoff? Probably not because he's kind of the worst, but it's pretty funny to watch him attempt a German accent in the new online Lean Pockets ad campaign. Watch him subtly imply that the other actress has nothing going for her but her looks! So chivalrous!

Do you love Oprah? If you don't, you should because a) she's perf and b) she's the only person who actually has enough lady-balls to ask the Kardashian clan why they're famous. Go watch Oprah try to get the Kardashians to admit that they are, in fact, made mostly of plastic at this point.

Do you like toddlers? Do you like tiaras? Do you like when people ask you several questions in a row? TVgasm can help you determine if you're cut out for the world of pageants. Specifically, are you cut out for pageants starring children and their insane parents in this week's "Dear TVgasm?"

Remember: If you keep watching famous people on TV, you'll probably become one. (I'm assuming THAT'S what the Kardashians did to get famous.)

I have a feeling this is not what the church had in mind.  Kanye West has taken over one of the holiest of holidays with another mixtape from his "G.O.O.D. FRIDAYS" series.  Released this morning online, it features Kanye, Pusha-T, Big Sean and 2 Chains (those are all people!).  It's called "Mercy" and if you can take some NSFW rapper talk, it'll get your Good Friday bumpin'.

LISTEN UP.

Editor's Note: In honor of Mamrie-admirer, weekend-worker, My Damn Channel writer Chris Donahue's birthday, his co-workers are celebrating:

Since it's my boy Chip's @MrChrisDonahue) birthday today, we've made a celebratory playlist for him!  He's 24 years young today and let me tell you, he's never looked better!

So sit back and rock out to some tunes in the Key of Chip.  Happy Birthday, bud!

- Dan and Dean

It's TVgasm Tuesday once again and it seems like 2013 is quickly becoming the year of the heartbreaking series finale -- The Office shot its final episode a few days ago, and, predictably, I did not leave my bed that day. Thankfully, the internet came to my rescue and provided me with hours of The Office nostalgia like this beautiful photo.

Also, a sign-in list from the first day of auditions was posted AND if you aren't already crying, Steve Carell was on the Nerdist podcast (he doesn't really talk about The Office that much, but it's just comforting to hear his voice).

Other things that are a big deal: Beyoncé released a new single, appropriately named "Bow Down", which is exactly what I did the first time I heard it. Emma Watson could possibly be doing a movie version of 50 Shades of Gray, which is….porn….right? It has to be just porn, like what else is that book about besides sex? It's fine, I'm just saying let's call it what it is, so horny mothers of five know exactly what they're getting when they go see it. On that note, let's see what TVgasm has...

This Week:

As usual Oprah has hopped on a bandwagon, like, five weeks too late. She's released a Harlem Shake video, go check TVgasm out for all the details. Maybe she'll discover Nyan Cat in a couple years. Oprah iz a n00b, L0L.

Lindsay Lohan is in the news again, this time not for killing a couple clown hookers, but because she feels feels bullied by Justin Bieber. Well, I have some news for you Ms. Lohan, we've all felt personally victimized by Justin Bieber at one time or another. It's time to wipe up your mascara, build a bridge out of all your money, and get over it.

Did you know Lil Wayne was in the hospital? I did not, but apparently it was pretty serious, but he's fine now and all's well that ends well. Check out TVgasm for the full story!

Remember: The ending of TV series is a perfectly valid excuse to sit in bed all day and eat 3500 calories….so I hear….from my friends….who did that.

Tweet me quotes from the office and I will respond with a quote from the same episode FROM MEMORY. @Sam_the_stone

Today is a double whammy. Not only is it TVgasm Tuesday, but it's also the day before Independence day! Tomorrow, we get a day off to celebrate our American-ness by drinking and blowing some shit up (uh..if that's, like, legal for you and stuff). And what could be a better addition to your pre-Independence day celebrations than some reality TV-- the most American of all the television genres?

This week:

So...it's a given that the Jersey Shore cast is kind of crusty... but did you know they actually have legal documentation of it? Click to find out why you should keep a 20 mile radius between you and the entire cast.

Ok, I know I've written about Oprah before, but she's doing another thing and EVERYONE NEEDS TO KNOW ABOUT IT, and it's ABOUT OPRAH. Go read about it, and then DVR it, and then send it to me because I don't get OWN at my house.

Did you know Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are getting divorced?!?!?!??!?! You probably have, at this point, but TVgasm has the details that you probably didn't know (if you're like me and forgot they were still a thing in the first place.)

Remember: If you send enough invites to Oprah, she'll probably come to your 4th of July BBQ. So keep trying!