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Today marks my favorite national (fake) holiday! NATIONAL CHEESE PIZZA DAY! If you want a slice of free pizza then all you have to do is follow these simple steps.

1. Walk to your nearest/most favorite pizzeria.

2. Approach the counter with a big ole' smile.

3. Beg, cry, and plead until they give you a free slice.*

It's that simple. The only other thing left to do is shut up and eat the pizza!

*Note: This may not actually work.

A while back I saw a trailer for a short film called Speechless. It looked beautiful. Not only that but our buddy Michael Antonucci, from Captain Hippo, is the lead. I've been waiting for this to come out for a while and it's finally here!

Written and Directed by Paul Briganti, this short is everything that I hoped and dreamed it would be. Michael Antonucci is such a talented comedic actor so it's really nice to see him tone it down a notch for a, still funny, but slightly more serious film.

If you've got time today, heck even if you don't have time today, check out Speechless and let me know what you think @MrChrisDonahue.

Please try to figure out a way to make this your own phone number (with the appropriate area code, natch!) so that you can put it on business cards and give it to girls at parties.

Reasons:
1. You'll never forget it.
2. No one else will ever forget it.
3. You'll make an impression!
4. If you ever wear sunglasses like this, your phone number will be just wacky enough to match!
5. Because this episode of "Product Displacement" was just weird enough that you want to pay homage to it forever.

Operators are standing by!*

(*Not really. Please don't.)

Wait just a darn-tootin' minute! Is that… by golly it is! Beth Hoyt on Inside Amy Schumer!

Our very own lovely lady herself Beth Hoyt on the TV, amazing. If you haven't been watching Inside Amy Schumer you should start because it is a riot and a half…

Wait a minute! Is that Laura Wilcox?!? Man, oh man all the cool kids from My Damn Channel are in this Amy Schumer sketch, how wonderful! Best sketch ever? I think so…

Watch Inside Amy Schumer, watch Beth in Show, watch Product Displacement, and tweet me so we can be friends @MrChrisDonahue

P.S. - My comedy gal pal Laura Prangley is in a sketch too!

1. Jon Stewart and Bill O'Reilly had a debate! It was $5 and you could watch it live on the internet. But so many people tried to watch it that their servers were overwhelmed, causing unpleasant viewing experiences for many. Oh, internet. It's nice to know you can still be a bitch when you want to.

2. Taken 2 obliterated all other competition at the box office this weekend. Did you see the parody that our Product Displacement friends Captain Hippo made? You should. It's pretty amazing.

3. Amber Tamblyn and David Cross got married! Huzzah! Congrats you two crazy kids. Er. Well. One of you might still be called a kid. Just one.

4. Jerry Sandusky is going to prison tomorrow, which, strangely, has inspired a number of articles about "What Jerry Sandusky Can Expect In Jail." Basically, everyone just wants to know is he going to be beat to within an inch of his life by other inmates who hate pedophiles more than any other criminal? Short answer: "Yes."

5. Mythbusters settled the biggest debate of our time: Did Jack really have to die in the movie Titanic? Now your 13-year-old self can know the definitive answer.

Are you aware that today's (fake) national holiday is Be An Angel Day? Well, it is! So be an angel (like Henry and Mike), and treat people with the respect and compassion they need.

For example:

How's life guys? Pretty lame, huh? You know what? It's never going to get any better. It's always going to be a roller coaster of good AND bad times, so deal with it. You know what you can do to make it better for yourself and everyone around you? BE AN ANGEL!!! 

Life Tip from Chris Donahue: Be An Angel Every Day!

If there's one thing that Big Anthony's delivers (pun intended) other than pizza, it's wisdom. 

Nervous about a job interview?  Shut up and eat the pizza!

Twitter is down?  Shut up and eat the pizza!

Daily Grace is on vacation?  Shup up and eat the pizza!

Thanks to Tony's wisdom, I've learned to live life, one slice at a time.