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Today is Tuesday, and that means a lot of things: you got through the horror that is Monday; there's a new episode of Dance Moms; most importantly it means that it's TVgasm Tuesday again! So many things happened in the magical land of TV since last week that I got a little overloaded and had to spend a few hours in the fetal position eating Doritos and drinking room temperature water (and I mean that in, like, the least crazy way possible).

This week on TVgasm:

Bethennny Frankel, the scariest housewife from RHONY, got her own talk show. I'll just let that sink in for a second. TVgasm has some thoughts on Bethenny's show, and I know they'd love to share them with you. Plus, the article includes a video of the entire first episode so you can watch her get "real" (her words not mine), as many times as you want. 

Speaking of Housewives, Teresa Giudice was on The View to talk about her experience on RHONJ, and it was intense. Go read TVgasm's write up to get the scoop, and to learn about all the different ways to pronounce Teresa's last name (or she'll rip out your weave).

Finally, Bill Murray was on Letterman a couple days ago and…well I won't give it away, but his appearance confirms what I've been telling people for years: He and Tupac have SO MUCH in common.

Remember: Famous people love you as much as you love them, so keep spooning with your television no matter what society says. 

1. Despite nature's best efforts, tomorrow, November 6th, is STILL ELECTION DAY. You should still go out and vote no matter where you are. If you live in New Jersey, Governor Christie says you can even FAX your vote in! Although, we imagine that a fax machine may be even more difficult for some people to find than a polling place. But you can ice skate over the election map at Rockefeller Center! (pictured above)

2. Wreck-It Ralph was the number one movie at the box office last weekend, pulling in over $49 million and becoming opening weekend for any non-Pixar film from Disney Animation.

3. The cast of The Jersey Shore will hold their own telethon for Hurricane Sandy relief. "Restore The Shore" will air November 15th on MTV.

4. No Doubt pulled their most recent video after complaints from Native American groups. The video was for "Looking Hot," the first single off of their latest album.

5. If you're still looking for ways to help Hurricane Sany victims, here are 10 Ways You Can help. This list is Beyoncé-approved, so you know it's legit.

(Image via)

Welcome to another TVgasm Tuesday! Because I've made it my duty to inform the general public of pertinent and important information, I think I should tell you right away about the social event of the year, nay….the decade. It's a Honey Boo Boo wedding, y'all. If my sources are correct the theme will be "The Victorian Era" and it will take place at Buckinham Palace where Queen Elizabeth will be the ring bearer/flower girl. Do you want to feel bad about yourself!? Of course you do! Go read about how much more money The Real Housewives make than you.  I mean sure, I haven't bought groceries in a few weeks, but it makes sense that these women get paid millions of dollars for drinking white wine and fake laughing all day. 

Ok this one actually cheered me up a little bit after my post Real Housewives-rage: Justin Bieber reportedly got attacked/humped/hugged while on stage at a concert in Dubai. Ah to be a young desperate horny Justin Bieber fan in Dubai! Oh…just kidding that actually sounds like the worst. And last, but most certainly not least, it's now being reported that Steve Carrel will for sure be returning for the series finale of the Office! What are these feelings I'm feeling? Happy, horribly depressed, lonely, ecstatic? Let's see what TVgasm has

This Week:

Joe Francis could face up to five years in jail for assaulting some women after taking them to his home. Who would have thought the creator of "Girl Gone Wild" wouldn't have respect for women?!

Do you guys remember Fantasia Barrino? She won American Idol at some point, and then she probably did some other stuff (like the Wendy Williams Show, and The Color Purple). Let's find out together what her deal is!

Please tell me you've been following the Lindsey Lohan going to rehab drama. First she was going, and then she wasn't going, and now she's there….but for how long? My guess is she'll somehow take over the rehab facility in some kind of Lord of the Flies type drama. 

Remember: If you're ever in need of money, put on some press-on nails, dye your skin fluorescent orange, and wait for Bravo to arrive to start taping you

Tweet me your Honey Boo Boo wedding vows @Sam_The_Stone

The Olympics are over, and Fall TV shows haven't started yet, so I'm assuming the only thing you're living for is TVgasm Tuesday. Well, stop crying, and get ready to have your pants blown off by all this entertainment news:

Miley Cyrus apparently cut her own hair while angry and blindfolded. Taylor Swift released a new song which (shocker) is about a past relationship, and is called something like "I'm gonna hate you forever because you're a douche canoe." Also, Robert Pattinson is still a sad panda. Are your pants blown off? good. Hold onto your eyeballs because here comes some  TVgasm.

This Week:

It's another episode of Mornin' Time! This week Fred and Quinnifer address presidential attack ads, and It. Gets. Real. Real. Quick. Go watch!

You know those women on The Price is Right who show off the prizes and don't ever blink? Well, now you can be one, even if you're a dude! Read TVgasm to find out how (and then apply because, honestly, this is a dream job).

Real Housewives have some real problems to deal with! Like "where do you store nine leopard print painted Mercedes?" And "how do you remove the scent of shame from silk?" Like a (not at all) friendly aunt or uncle, TVgasm has some advice for these ladies in this week's Dear TVgasm.

Remember: If you ever need to get the scent of shame out of silk, just use seltzer water/your own tears.

Stop everything, internet, we have some breaking news! Well, not breaking like happening right now, I guess… but it's like super important stuff. Get ready for some entertainment news that will literally* make your face explode. Did you hear The Biebs totes vommed on stage? Gross (although I won't pretend I haven't watched the video several times, no judgement). Also, Adele is releasing a new song for the newest Bond movie "Skyfall". I assume it will be mostly her screaming, but I'm excited anyways. Probably the most outrageous story is that Robert Pattinson was named world's sexiest man again, even though I KEEP on sending in my headshots. THIS CONTEST IS RIGGED. Ok let's write our complaint letters, and see what TVgasm has for us.

*figuratively 

This Week:

We've all heard about TLC's "Here Comes Honey Boo Boo"; how terrible it is, how it's everything wrong with society, how we're secretly envious of how confidently Alana wears those tank tops. During the new season, though, the Honey Boo Boo clan will be getting a major pay raise. Click to read TVgasm's full story. Will Mama still be coupon queen with all this extra money?! THE SUSPENSE IS KILLING ME!!

How much do you love Sesame Street? If you are human with a functioning heart, the answer is probably A WHOLE LOT. Remember that time they spoofed Glee? Well this one is like that one but better! Go watch!

It appears someone has messed with Caroline Manzo's Fambuhly. They have messed with her Fambuhly, and they are GAHBAGE! Clearly Mama Manzo needs some help, and TVgasm is here with some support in the most recent Dear TVgasm!

Remember: If you weren't named world's sexiest man, it's probably because you were nominated for universe's sexiest man…..right? RIGHT?!

Do you love reality TV as much as I do? Probably not, but if your obsession is anywhere close to my own, our friends at TVgasm have you covered. As the new summer lineup of reality shows premieres, TVgasm is here for you to ensure you don't miss anything... and we at My Damn Channel are going to double down on that by ensuring you don't miss anything from TVgasm!

This week:

They checked in with a few of your (and my) favorite celebrity chefs to talk about their summer reality series. And it gets SPICY. (Pun INTENDED.)

If you're more of a Real Housewives kind of person (and let's face it: who isn't?) check out TVgasm's ReDub videos of the RHOC for a more accurate reading of what the housewives are actually saying. (HINT: Not very much.)

Last-- and BEST-- TVgasm has the scoop on everyone's favorite Toddlers and Tiaras contestant Alana, better known as Honey Boo Boo Child. She has her own spinoff this summer! I won't give away the name, but it is by far my favorite part of the whole concept.

Remember: please watch reality television safely. Remember to bathe, eat and above all, yell at the tiny people inside your TV.

It's TVgasm Tuesday! Did you watch the Oscars on Sunday night? No? That's fine because I did and here's everything you need to know: First and foremost you should know that almost everyone was offended by Seth MacFarlane, even though he charmed the pants off me (granted I wasn't wearing pants to begin with, but here we are). Anne Hathaway's nipples were probably the best-dressed stars on the red carpet, and their appearance reignited everyone's hatred of Anne Hathaway. Specifically our editor's. Kristin Chenoweth is a tiny elf. The internet is shitting its pants about Jennifer Lawrence. All pretty standard.

Here's some other non-Oscars stuff you should know: We have some more information about the new season of Arrested Devlopment, Maya Rudolph could possibly be hosting a new variety show (why has a big deal not been made about this?!), and Aubrey Plaza talks about food! Let's see what TVgasm has for us...

This Week:

I can't be the only one who can't keep all the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills straight, right? Which one is the blonde one with giant boobs again? Don't fear, TVgasm has the definitive RHOBH study guide!

Click to find out which Jersey Shore star (well, "star" is a bit of a stretch) sold her car on eBay! Here's a hint: she's orange and yells a lot and will probably get leopard print tattooed onto her skin at some point in the future.

I've always said that Michelle Obama can do no wrong, and I was finally proven absolutely right when she released this video with Jimmy Fallon! Click to watch FLOTUS outshine every other world leader's wife on national TV.

Remember: If you ever run into Anne Hathaway's nipples, they're more afraid of you than you are of them.

Tweet me your TV hopes and dreams: Sam_The_Stone

THE EMMYS HAPPENED...in case you didn't know. Except I'm sure you did because all your friends were tweeting about how Kristin Wiig looks a little weird, and Tracy Morgan passed out on stage. I, unfortunately, had to watch the Emmys vicariously through my friends twitter accounts because I didn't have access to a TV, because MAYBE my roommate broke it, and MAYBE now it won't turn on, and MAYBE we're in a fight now. GOD, stop grilling me, internet! I got 99 problems, and they all relate to my broken TV. The point is, you can catch up on Emmy knowledge here, and here, and then there's also some fun stuff here. Let's get back on top of our TV news together with TVgasm!

This Week:

The Ladies of The Real Housewives of New York are still riding the struggle bus. The Countess is trying to have a baby despite her dusty lady business (I assume she's using witchcraft), and all the other ones think they're the Carrie Bradshaw of the group. Read the new Dear TVgasm to see if these ladies can ever be set straight. (Hint: most likely no)

Do you remember Farrah Abraham from MTV's Teen Mom? If you're not familiar she is a teen who is also a mom. She's a teen mom. Anyway, she wrote a book, and TVgasm got an interview with her! I hope they just talk about where babies come from. Can someone explain that to me?

A while ago I wrote about Bethenny Frankel's new talkshow and how "real" it was, do you guys remember? I'm going to assume you memorize every TVgasm post by heart. Apparently it is now picked up for syndication of Fox networks as of 2013. I don't know what to feel, really. I guess mostly just hurt. Why would you do this to me Fox networks? Go read TVgasm for the whole story.

Remember: The more people pay to hear Bethenny Frankel talk, the closer we are to the apocalypse so start letting go of your earthly possessions, because it's happening any day now.