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Today is Tuesday, and that means a lot of things: you got through the horror that is Monday; there's a new episode of Dance Moms; most importantly it means that it's TVgasm Tuesday again! So many things happened in the magical land of TV since last week that I got a little overloaded and had to spend a few hours in the fetal position eating Doritos and drinking room temperature water (and I mean that in, like, the least crazy way possible).

This week on TVgasm:

Bethennny Frankel, the scariest housewife from RHONY, got her own talk show. I'll just let that sink in for a second. TVgasm has some thoughts on Bethenny's show, and I know they'd love to share them with you. Plus, the article includes a video of the entire first episode so you can watch her get "real" (her words not mine), as many times as you want. 

Speaking of Housewives, Teresa Giudice was on The View to talk about her experience on RHONJ, and it was intense. Go read TVgasm's write up to get the scoop, and to learn about all the different ways to pronounce Teresa's last name (or she'll rip out your weave).

Finally, Bill Murray was on Letterman a couple days ago and…well I won't give it away, but his appearance confirms what I've been telling people for years: He and Tupac have SO MUCH in common.

Remember: Famous people love you as much as you love them, so keep spooning with your television no matter what society says. 

The 2012 NFL season begins today!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Yes, my excitement is worth 18 exclamation points) My co-workers Dean and Chris are un-American and don't care about football so it's up to me, a red-blooded American alpha male to share some reasons why everyone should be excited about the 2012 NFL season.

 1)    Beer and Wings - On Sundays during the football season it’s socially acceptable to eat as many wings and drink as much beer as you want. People don't merely look the other way like they do when you eat wings in church on Sunday; they actually EXPECT this indulgence. Hell, even my mom has absolutely no problem with me polluting my body with fat and alcohol (by which I mean she has no tolerance for me polluting my body with fat and alcohol).

 2)    Fantasy Football – Not only do you get a chance to root for your favorite pro team every week, you also get to act as the head coach of your very own fantasy team: playing against your friends, spewing insults like “You suck!” or “I am better than you!” at them across crowded bars.  Remember, it’s all about the pageantry, folks.

3)    You’ll get to watch funny Daily Grace videos about football, like this one from last season, where she shows how much she knows about the sport: Nothing.  Grace knows nothing about football. Nothing.

4)    Because you never know if something ridiculous like this will happen.  Or a disgusting act, such as this.  Or this. 

5) Most importantly, tonight the defending Super Bowl Champions-- my beloved New York Giants-– face off against their division rivals, the Dallas Cowboys. So even if you’re not interested in the game itself, it might warm you to know that somewhere in New York, hunkered down with beer and wings (remember: this is socially accepted behavior during football season) I’m screaming my lungs out, cheering for my team like a crazy person.  You gotta respect the passion, no!?

Or not...

(Image via http://publicdomainclip-art.blogspot.com/)

Follow me on Twitter and tell me about your Fantasy Team: @DannyMoney

THE EMMYS HAPPENED...in case you didn't know. Except I'm sure you did because all your friends were tweeting about how Kristin Wiig looks a little weird, and Tracy Morgan passed out on stage. I, unfortunately, had to watch the Emmys vicariously through my friends twitter accounts because I didn't have access to a TV, because MAYBE my roommate broke it, and MAYBE now it won't turn on, and MAYBE we're in a fight now. GOD, stop grilling me, internet! I got 99 problems, and they all relate to my broken TV. The point is, you can catch up on Emmy knowledge here, and here, and then there's also some fun stuff here. Let's get back on top of our TV news together with TVgasm!

This Week:

The Ladies of The Real Housewives of New York are still riding the struggle bus. The Countess is trying to have a baby despite her dusty lady business (I assume she's using witchcraft), and all the other ones think they're the Carrie Bradshaw of the group. Read the new Dear TVgasm to see if these ladies can ever be set straight. (Hint: most likely no)

Do you remember Farrah Abraham from MTV's Teen Mom? If you're not familiar she is a teen who is also a mom. She's a teen mom. Anyway, she wrote a book, and TVgasm got an interview with her! I hope they just talk about where babies come from. Can someone explain that to me?

A while ago I wrote about Bethenny Frankel's new talkshow and how "real" it was, do you guys remember? I'm going to assume you memorize every TVgasm post by heart. Apparently it is now picked up for syndication of Fox networks as of 2013. I don't know what to feel, really. I guess mostly just hurt. Why would you do this to me Fox networks? Go read TVgasm for the whole story.

Remember: The more people pay to hear Bethenny Frankel talk, the closer we are to the apocalypse so start letting go of your earthly possessions, because it's happening any day now.

Welcome to another TVgasm Tuesday! Because I've made it my duty to inform the general public of pertinent and important information, I think I should tell you right away about the social event of the year, nay….the decade. It's a Honey Boo Boo wedding, y'all. If my sources are correct the theme will be "The Victorian Era" and it will take place at Buckinham Palace where Queen Elizabeth will be the ring bearer/flower girl. Do you want to feel bad about yourself!? Of course you do! Go read about how much more money The Real Housewives make than you.  I mean sure, I haven't bought groceries in a few weeks, but it makes sense that these women get paid millions of dollars for drinking white wine and fake laughing all day. 

Ok this one actually cheered me up a little bit after my post Real Housewives-rage: Justin Bieber reportedly got attacked/humped/hugged while on stage at a concert in Dubai. Ah to be a young desperate horny Justin Bieber fan in Dubai! Oh…just kidding that actually sounds like the worst. And last, but most certainly not least, it's now being reported that Steve Carrel will for sure be returning for the series finale of the Office! What are these feelings I'm feeling? Happy, horribly depressed, lonely, ecstatic? Let's see what TVgasm has

This Week:

Joe Francis could face up to five years in jail for assaulting some women after taking them to his home. Who would have thought the creator of "Girl Gone Wild" wouldn't have respect for women?!

Do you guys remember Fantasia Barrino? She won American Idol at some point, and then she probably did some other stuff (like the Wendy Williams Show, and The Color Purple). Let's find out together what her deal is!

Please tell me you've been following the Lindsey Lohan going to rehab drama. First she was going, and then she wasn't going, and now she's there….but for how long? My guess is she'll somehow take over the rehab facility in some kind of Lord of the Flies type drama. 

Remember: If you're ever in need of money, put on some press-on nails, dye your skin fluorescent orange, and wait for Bravo to arrive to start taping you

Tweet me your Honey Boo Boo wedding vows @Sam_The_Stone

The Olympics are over, and Fall TV shows haven't started yet, so I'm assuming the only thing you're living for is TVgasm Tuesday. Well, stop crying, and get ready to have your pants blown off by all this entertainment news:

Miley Cyrus apparently cut her own hair while angry and blindfolded. Taylor Swift released a new song which (shocker) is about a past relationship, and is called something like "I'm gonna hate you forever because you're a douche canoe." Also, Robert Pattinson is still a sad panda. Are your pants blown off? good. Hold onto your eyeballs because here comes some  TVgasm.

This Week:

It's another episode of Mornin' Time! This week Fred and Quinnifer address presidential attack ads, and It. Gets. Real. Real. Quick. Go watch!

You know those women on The Price is Right who show off the prizes and don't ever blink? Well, now you can be one, even if you're a dude! Read TVgasm to find out how (and then apply because, honestly, this is a dream job).

Real Housewives have some real problems to deal with! Like "where do you store nine leopard print painted Mercedes?" And "how do you remove the scent of shame from silk?" Like a (not at all) friendly aunt or uncle, TVgasm has some advice for these ladies in this week's Dear TVgasm.

Remember: If you ever need to get the scent of shame out of silk, just use seltzer water/your own tears.