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It's another TVgasm Thursday! Did you know Beyoncé is in the Illuminati?! Yeah I didn't either, but apparently there's a whole slew of celebrities that are illuminati on the down low. You can get the full run down here. Also, praise the teeny tiny baby jesus, Kristin Wiig is gonna be in another movie (with Darren Criss #swoon). If you can believe it, Two and A Half Men will be getting even weirder with the newly announced addition to the family. Since a girl will be joining the cast, and Angus T Jones is approximately 45 by now, I'm assuming the show will now be called Three Men, a Woman, and Weird Sexual Tension. 

Jennifer Love Hewitt is now pregnant, and honestly, I don't even want to know how many names her baby will have (for the record my guess is six and then one with a hyphen). And finally Bravo premiered "Princesses: Long Island", which is apparently like a trashy Grey Gardens and you can read all about it. Let's see what TVgasm has

This Week

Well we all saw it coming: Bravo's newest show is called "Eat Drink Love". It's just like the movie, except it's set in LA, it's about the culinary scene, and also it's nothing like the movie. 

While we're on the subject of (terrible) Bravo shows set in CA, I think it's time we offer the (terrible) women of The Real Housewives of Orange County some (terrible) advice. Click to read this weeks Dear Tvgasm.

What can I say to Amanda Bynes at this point that I haven't already? Listen Amanda you're a treasure. A real American cultural gem. I'd be surprised if Nick Cage didn't try to kidnap you in the next National Treasure. Please, please never stop your hijinks. 

Remember: If you're on Princesses Long Island and you're reading this…..do you….uh….wanna get drinks or something

Tweet me (but only if you're a Long Island Princess) @Sam_the_stone

The Olympics are over, and Fall TV shows haven't started yet, so I'm assuming the only thing you're living for is TVgasm Tuesday. Well, stop crying, and get ready to have your pants blown off by all this entertainment news:

Miley Cyrus apparently cut her own hair while angry and blindfolded. Taylor Swift released a new song which (shocker) is about a past relationship, and is called something like "I'm gonna hate you forever because you're a douche canoe." Also, Robert Pattinson is still a sad panda. Are your pants blown off? good. Hold onto your eyeballs because here comes some  TVgasm.

This Week:

It's another episode of Mornin' Time! This week Fred and Quinnifer address presidential attack ads, and It. Gets. Real. Real. Quick. Go watch!

You know those women on The Price is Right who show off the prizes and don't ever blink? Well, now you can be one, even if you're a dude! Read TVgasm to find out how (and then apply because, honestly, this is a dream job).

Real Housewives have some real problems to deal with! Like "where do you store nine leopard print painted Mercedes?" And "how do you remove the scent of shame from silk?" Like a (not at all) friendly aunt or uncle, TVgasm has some advice for these ladies in this week's Dear TVgasm.

Remember: If you ever need to get the scent of shame out of silk, just use seltzer water/your own tears.

Do you love reality TV as much as I do? Probably not, but if your obsession is anywhere close to my own, our friends at TVgasm have you covered. As the new summer lineup of reality shows premieres, TVgasm is here for you to ensure you don't miss anything... and we at My Damn Channel are going to double down on that by ensuring you don't miss anything from TVgasm!

This week:

They checked in with a few of your (and my) favorite celebrity chefs to talk about their summer reality series. And it gets SPICY. (Pun INTENDED.)

If you're more of a Real Housewives kind of person (and let's face it: who isn't?) check out TVgasm's ReDub videos of the RHOC for a more accurate reading of what the housewives are actually saying. (HINT: Not very much.)

Last-- and BEST-- TVgasm has the scoop on everyone's favorite Toddlers and Tiaras contestant Alana, better known as Honey Boo Boo Child. She has her own spinoff this summer! I won't give away the name, but it is by far my favorite part of the whole concept.

Remember: please watch reality television safely. Remember to bathe, eat and above all, yell at the tiny people inside your TV.

Oh my GOD it's so hot. At least, that's according to most people on my Facebook newsfeed. To be honest, I've been sitting in my air conditioned apartment, watching TV and pretending I live in a place that's cold and where everyone is blonde and good-looking. (I'm looking at you Sweden.) As a side effect of my new life as a hermit, I've been able to catch up on the  summer shows I've been too busy to see when YES-- sometimes I DO have other things to do besides just watching TV. But TVgasm has been right there with me in my air-conditioned TV cave, and it's a good thing, too!

This week:

The Real Housewives of Orange County is now casting for the new season, so if you're an "outgoing, exciting, strong, self-confident woman" (insane, dramatic, belligerent, egomaniacal, robot) I guess this is your shot. TVgasm has the full casting notice, which is comedy gold.

TVgasm is making a new animated show called "MorninTime with Fred and Quinnifer." The full show isn't up yet, and I'm not sure Quinnifer is a real name, but nonetheles, the promo is posted and it's really funny. Go watch! (drinking game idea: drink every time Fred's eyebrows move... wait... that much drinking might kill you.)

Alright, I love the Real Housewives as much as the next guy (well, more probably), but sometimes there are just way too many shows to catch up on before the next season starts. Thankfully TVgasm has a recap of the entire seventh season in just two short minutes!

Remember: If you know reality TV trivia, it still counts as book learnin' and don't let anyone tell you different.