, Posted on 4/23/2013 by
It's TVgasm Tuesday once again! I'm sorry to say it, but I think the end of TV is fast approaching. This is even more real than the 2008 Writers' Strike. Let me explain the seven signs of the TV apocalypse. 1. Glee has made it to five seasons (and is greenlit for a sixth). Who is still watching this besides four thirteen-year-old girls in a basement, Ryan Murphy and his harem of twinks? 2. "The Bible" is now being prepared for theatrical release. We have officially run out of movie ideas, and we've now turned to the Bible. Personally, I'm more excited for the sequel "The Bible 2: Jesus Returns" featuring Ke$ha as Jesus' love interest, and then the tagline will be "Jesus is back for vengeance…..with a vengeance" and then….you know what? Somebody get me Universal Studios on the phone.
Sign number 3: Justin Bieber is giving up his beloved pet monkey. Who'd have thought this totally practical and responsible pet and this young pragmatic boy wouldn't stay together forever? Sign number 4: Ben Affleck is living on $1.50 a day, "but why?! He's rich as shit?!" I know, it's an enigma. Although I would like to point out that I don't think it really qualifies as living on a buck fifty per day if you're staying in your multimillion dollar mansion, just this honest good-looking observers opinion. Let's see what TVgasm has for us
Sign 5: Sweet, innocent, perfect, delightful Reese Witherspoon got in trouble with the coppers! Lindsey Lohan I can take, Amanda Bynes, ok whatever I wasn't crazy about her to begin with, but you can't take Reese Witherspoon from me.
Sign 6: It's finally happened, Ryan Lochte has started promoting his show "What Would Ryan Lochte Do?", revealing to the public his lack of mental prowess, and that "what he would do" is use the phrase "I'm a man at night and a man in the morning" five times in three minutes.
Sign 7: Remember when Bravo had decent shows like Top Chef? Well, I think they've officially come to what has to be rock bottom with "Princesses Long Island". Just the title alone is enough to make me not want to watch it/take a six hour shower.
Remember: Start preparing for the imminent TV apocalypse with your loved ones and your Netflix, and at all costs stay away from *GASP* books.
Tweet me shit Ryan Lochte says @Sam_the _Stone