Okay. I’m about to drop some truth bombs here.
Pie is better than cake. There. I said it.
The Cake Lobby has had a stranglehold on the internet for far too long. It’s time we all just accepted that cake is inferior to pie in almost every way. For one thing, pie is great in almost any flavor – fruit-flavored cake is gross, but fruit pie? BRING IT ON. Apple! Blackberry! Blueberry! Peach! Do you not care for fruit? Custard or cream-filled pie has got your back! Chocolate! Banana! Coconut! Peanut butter! (I’m allergic to both coconut and peanut butter, but I’ve been told that they are both delicious in pie form, and since all pie is delicious, I choose to believe it.)
You know what else you can do with a pie? Make it savory. Shepherd’s pie, chicken pot pie, meat pies, spinach and cheese pie. Quiches, empanadas, and turnovers also technically qualify as pies. Have you ever had a savory cake? No, because the closest thing to a savory cake that even exists is, like, meatloaf. Come on. Clearly pie wins in the versatility department…
But what about taste, you argue? Doesn’t cake just taste better than pie? NO IT DOES NOT. Your typical cake is like five inches of cake and two centimeters of dry, crusty frosting (unless you get stuck with a frosting rose, which is two full inches of dry, crusty frosting. Yum, diabetes!). Pie is consistently delicious. You don’t have to drink milk with it to feel like you’re not dying of sugar poisoning. If you’re eating apple or pear pie, you can melt a piece of cheese on top for a sweet-and-savory kick.
The only cake that matters is ice cream cake, and that’s because it’s mostly ice cream and minimal cake. And you know what? It would be way better if it were ice cream pie, probably.
Take a seat, cake. You’re done.
(Postscript: This is my last piece for the site! I’m outta here, had a great time, love you all.)
Liz / @lizbelsky