Found 29 results for "the american dream incarnate"

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  • The Night Feed

    Ben Affleck's Diary - Golden Globes Edition

    1/14/13


    Dear Diary,


    So. Hung. Over.  


    Haha, OMG, last night was one of the best, craziest nights of my life!  I didn't just win one Golden Globe, I won two!  How amazing is that?


    So the night started pretty much like you'd expect.  A little blow in the limo just to get the feeling right; I only do that kind of thing before big awards shows nowadays, unless of course I'm hanging out with Damon.  They don't call him "China White" for nothing.


    The red carpet is always the same.  I hate it.  I know I'm an actor and I should be used to the attention but I don't, I just don't.  Too many eyes on me.  I get uncomfortable.  I sweat.  I have dark thoughts.  Thank god I have Jenny with me.  I don't think I could have bared the prying eyes any longer if not for my beautiful angel protecting me on that red carpet.  I love you, baby.


    But once I'm inside the hotel, I come alive!  All my friends are there, the Mike's Hard Lemonade is flowing, and I'm feeling groovy!  Not worried about winning or losing at this point, just looking to have a good time and catch up with friends I haven't seen in a long time.  I mean, how often do I get to make fun of Anne Hathaway with Jennifer Lawrence?  Hathaway's mouth is freakin' huge, LOL!


    And then the ceremony starts and Tina and Amy totally are killing it and next thing you know Jodie's speech is totally confusing me and I'm hoisting a best director statue!  So thrilling.  Like, of course I said that winning doesn't mean as much as being mentioned in the same breath as the other directors nominated but we all know that's a load of bullshit.  You play to win the game, simple as that.  Maybe DeNiro will start taking my calls now that I've finally won a globe.  


    More Mike's Hard and kisses with Jenny and then Argo wins best picture.  The best.  Night.  Ever.  Standing onstage with all of those talented people looking at all of the drunk A-listers applauding me is like standing atop Mount Olympus as Zeus bathes you in the golden tear drops of Helen of Troy.  Boner city, LOL.


    After that we went to the after party and I don't even think I can even write down an account of the debauchery that transpired.  Let me just say Clooney doesn't always get naked, but when he does, you KNOW it's a good night.  And then let me say John Goodman doesn't always get naked, but when he does you know we're heading to White Castle sooner than later.  I know, so Hollywood, right? ;)


    Okay I need to take some Advil and get in the hot tob with my Golden Globes.  It's been so amazing.  I love the me that I am.  I love Jenny.  I love movies!!!!  Haha, ok, ok, bye for now diary.


    Yours,

    Ben


    PS - Arkin's head isn't the only thing that's bald :-p

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  • Daddy Knows Best

    Popcorn Guy

    I like to think I know what's funny.  It's kinda my job.  And it's also a hobby.  So when I tell you that the second funniest thing you'll see all day (number one: all new episodes Daddy Knows Best) is this video of a man housing popcorn in the rain at a college football game, then you better believe that this video is very, very funny.  


    Look at this guy!  Blow-out game, it's raining…Does he complain?  Does he lie down and die?  No.  He demolishes his bag of popcorn without giving a hoot or a holler about what anyone else thinks about him.  He's being himself.  This is the American Dream incarnate.  Be who you are.  Do what you have to do.  As long as you're not hurting anybody, you're good to go.  Is popcorn guy hurting anyone?  He sure isn't!  An American hero, plain and simple.  


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  • The Night Feed

    Twilight Fan Fiction

    The last Twilight movie comes out today. I've never actually seen any of these movies, so, naturally, I'm totally qualified to write a little Twilight fan fiction. Check it:


    Twilight: Breaking Dawn – The Final Chapter: The Saga Ends

    by Dan Grgas


    “The sun is rising,” said Edward. “Dawn is breaking.”


    Bella jumped off of her wolf and Edward followed suit. “Patience, my love,” she said. “We are almost at the end.”


    They looked into one another’s eyes. Oh, so much time wasted-– yet, so much shared.  They kissed passionately, as if their world was about to end at any moment, their souls becoming one, their hearts beating with desire, their entire beings conjoining into one unit.


    “What was that?” Edward said, breaking from his soul kiss with Bella. “The woods.”


    They both turned to see Taylor Lautner’s figure silhouetted in the receding moonlight.


    “Hello, Edward. Hello, Bella,” he said. “The end is nigh.”


    “You know you have no place here!” Edward shouted at Lautner, taking a step toward his foe. “Be gone from this place! It is the only way-– or else the seal shall be broken and we will both be banished to the Sun of Never-Ending Night!”


    “You think that, old friend,” Taylor spake, “you think those thoughts tinged with superstition.” 


    He cackled wildly until Bella’s voice shimmered out from the dawn light behind Edward to address Lautner, to let him know-– to make him feel-– that there was indeed no place for the two of them in this world. “There is no place for us in this world, Taylor!” she said, needing to make sure that he knew that, above all else. “Above all, by now you must know this, Taylor!” she proclaimed, knowing at the same time that, sure, it might have worked in another world, but here, in this world, the world of Night, she was Edward’s, and Edward hers. 


    She walked toward Taylor in the receding moonlight. “Taylor,” she whispered, knowing his hearing was acute, “Let me go.”


    “No!” he howled, awakening the slumbering turtledoves in the surrounding wood. “I will make a place for us!”


    He then launched himself toward Bella and Edward, but Edward, quick as ever, pulled out his broadsword and drove the mighty blade deep into Lautner’s chest.


    Slain, Taylor Lautner fell to his knees, the mighty blade still embedded in his black heart. He looked to Bella who had knelt beside him. “My love is the Cry of the Wolf-Creature, and the Raven swoops to reclaim me…I love you, Bella…” 


    He breathed his final breath and his life expired as his soul rose to meet The Moon-Maker.  


    Edward ripped the mighty blade from Taylor’s chest and bent over his victim to begin drinking his blood. Bella said, “Goodbye, Taylor. Dawn was never meant to break for you.”   


    She closed his eyes with her delicate, pale fingertips and then rose to recite a vampire prayer for the dead she had learned from Edward.


    “Eee-mow-way

    The vampire’s day

    Is always night

    Hey-dee-doo, 

    Doo-boo-hey,

    A fallen soldier

    To the light’s bright day

    Bee-bee-dee

    Doo-dah-hey.”


    Edward, having consumed all of Lautner’s blood, rose next to Bella and took her pale, delicate hands into his. “He was a warrior. Too bad he could never see the error of his night-wantings.”


    Bella looked deep into the eyes of her one true love, Edward. His eyes, she thought, Oh, how they burned like the light he could never see in this land.  


    “I love you, my sweet.”


    “And I you.”


    They kissed, then and there, with the passion of six thousand eons of night; a kiss that would last an eternity, sure as the night is as dark as a pool of frozen obsidian. 


    They broke apart from one another, much like the dawn around them. “Bella, we must leave,” he said to her.


    “I know.”


    They mounted their mighty wolves and swiftly rode off, two lovers with the world at their backs and the future in front of them. They knew that the rode was full of peril, for they were star-crossed.  But as their wolves pulsated below them, their coats glistening in the breaking dawn, Bella and Edward knew they had the most powerful thing in the world on their side: Love.


    - THE END - 


    Follow me on Twitter: @DannyMoney

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  • The Night Feed

    Five Stupid Superstitions

    Happy Friday the 13th! Crossed paths with any black cats today? Walked under any ladders? Said "Macbeth" backstage at the theatre? Personally, I've always enjoyed flaunting common superstitions - but I'm a bit macabre to begin with. 

    However, not all superstitions are created equal. Here are five of the dumbest old wives' tales (stupid-stitions?) ever believed.


    5.  If a friend gives you a knife, you should give him a coin, or your friendship will soon be broken.

    Who goes around giving their friends knives as presents? Or does it mean, like, if your friend passes you a knife at the dinner table, you need to give him a coin? How does that work? I'm confused. 

    4. If you clip your nails after the sun goes down, you will not have a chance to see your parents before they die.

    From now on, when some idiot is clipping his nails next to me on the subway, I'm just going to assume he was going to do it the night before, but remembered this Japanese aphorism and thought wiser. Because otherwise, there is no excuse for clipping your nails in public.

    3. To dream of a lizard is a sign that you have a secret enemy.

    Or maybe it's a sign that you shouldn't eat Taco Bell before bed.

    2. To refuse a kiss under mistletoe causes bad luck.

    ... I whispered to Mark Ruffalo as I dangled a sprig of mistletoe over his head. 

    1. If a pregnant woman craves fish, her baby will be born with the head of a fish.

    AND THAT WOULD BE SO AWESOME. FISH-BABIES FOR EVERYONE. 

    Happy Friday the 13th! Crossed paths with any black cats today? Walked under any ladders? Said "Macbeth" backstage at the theatre? Personally, I've always enjoyed flaunting common superstitions - but I'm a bit macabre to begin with. Thirteen has always been my lucky number, and I pouted through a childhood trip to Disneyland because I wanted to go on a ghost tour instead. Basically I'm Wednesday Addams. Whatever.

    But not all superstitions are created equal. Here are five of the dumbest old wives' tales (stupid-stitions?) ever believed.

    5.  If a friend gives you a knife, you should give him a coin, or your friendship will soon be broken.

    Who goes around giving their friends knives as presents? Or does it mean, like, if your friend passes you a knife at the dinner table, you need to give him a coin? How does that work? I'm confused. 

    4. If you clip your nails after the sun goes down, you will not have a chance to see your parents before they die.

    From now on, when some idiot is clipping his nails next to me on the subway, I'm just going to assume he was going to do it the night before, but remembered this Japanese aphorism and thought wiser. Because otherwise, there is no excuse for clipping your nails in public.

    3. To dream of a lizard is a sign that you have a secret enemy.

    Or maybe it's a sign that you shouldn't eat Taco Bell before bed.

    2. To refuse a kiss under mistletoe causes bad luck.

    ... I whispered to Mark Ruffalo as I dangled a sprig of mistletoe over his head. 

    1. If a pregnant woman craves fish, her baby will be born with the head of a fish.

    AND THAT WOULD BE SO AWESOME. FISH-BABIES FOR EVERYONE. 

    Happy Friday the 13th! Crossed paths with any black cats today? Walked under any ladders? Said "Macbeth" backstage at the theatre? Personally, I've always enjoyed flaunting common superstitions - but I'm a bit macabre to begin with. Thirteen has always been my lucky number, and I pouted through a childhood trip to Disneyland because I wanted to go on a ghost tour instead. Basically I'm Wednesday Addams. Whatever.
    Happy Friday the 13th! Crossed paths with any black cats today? Walked under any ladders? Said "Macbeth" backstage at the theatre? Personally, I've always enjoyed flaunting common superstitions - but I'm a bit macabre to begin with. Thirteen has always been my lucky number, and I pouted through a childhood trip to Disneyland because I wanted to go on a ghost tour instead. Basically I'm Wednesday Addams. Whatever.
    Happy Friday the 13th! Crossed paths with any black cats today? Walked under any ladders? Said "Macbeth" backstage at the theatre? Personally, I've always enjoyed flaunting common superstitions - but I'm a bit macabre to begin with. Thirteen has always been my lucky number, and I pouted through a childhood trip to Disneyland because I wanted to go on a ghost tour instead. Basically I'm Wednesday Addams. Whatever.

    But not all superstitions are created equal. Here are five of the dumbest old wives' tales (stupid-stitions?) ever believed.

    5.  If a friend gives you a knife, you should give him a coin, or your friendship will soon be broken.

    Who goes around giving their friends knives as presents? Or does it mean, like, if your friend passes you a knife at the dinner table, you need to give him a coin? How does that work? I'm confused. 

    4. If you clip your nails after the sun goes down, you will not have a chance to see your parents before they die.

    From now on, when some idiot is clipping his nails next to me on the subway, I'm just going to assume he was going to do it the night before, but remembered this Japanese aphorism and thought wiser. Because otherwise, there is no excuse for clipping your nails in public.

    3. To dream of a lizard is a sign that you have a secret enemy.

    Or maybe it's a sign that you shouldn't eat Taco Bell before bed.

    2. To refuse a kiss under mistletoe causes bad luck.

    ... I whispered to Mark Ruffalo as I dangled a sprig of mistletoe over his head. 

    1. If a pregnant woman craves fish, her baby will be born with the head of a fish.

    AND THAT WOULD BE SO AWESOME. FISH-BABIES FOR EVERYONE. 

    Happy Friday the 13th! Crossed paths with any black cats today? Walked under any ladders? Said "Macbeth" backstage at the theatre? Personally, I've always enjoyed flaunting common superstitions - but I'm a bit macabre to begin with. Thirteen has always been my lucky number, and I pouted through a childhood trip to Disneyland because I wanted to go on a ghost tour instead. Basically I'm Wednesday Addams. Whatever.

    But not all superstitions are created equal. Here are five of the dumbest old wives' tales (stupid-stitions?) ever believed.

    5.  If a friend gives you a knife, you should give him a coin, or your friendship will soon be broken.

    Who goes around giving their friends knives as presents? Or does it mean, like, if your friend passes you a knife at the dinner table, you need to give him a coin? How does that work? I'm confused. 

    4. If you clip your nails after the sun goes down, you will not have a chance to see your parents before they die.

    From now on, when some idiot is clipping his nails next to me on the subway, I'm just going to assume he was going to do it the night before, but remembered this Japanese aphorism and thought wiser. Because otherwise, there is no excuse for clipping your nails in public.

    3. To dream of a lizard is a sign that you have a secret enemy.

    Or maybe it's a sign that you shouldn't eat Taco Bell before bed.

    2. To refuse a kiss under mistletoe causes bad luck.

    ... I whispered to Mark Ruffalo as I dangled a sprig of mistletoe over his head. 

    1. If a pregnant woman craves fish, her baby will be born with the head of a fish.

    AND THAT WOULD BE SO AWESOME. FISH-BABIES FOR EVERYONE. 

    But not all superstitions are created equal. Here are five of the dumbest old wives' tales (stupid-stitions?) ever believed.

    5.  If a friend gives you a knife, you should give him a coin, or your friendship will soon be broken.

    Who goes around giving their friends knives as presents? Or does it mean, like, if your friend passes you a knife at the dinner table, you need to give him a coin? How does that work? I'm confused. 

    4. If you clip your nails after the sun goes down, you will not have a chance to see your parents before they die.

    From now on, when some idiot is clipping his nails next to me on the subway, I'm just going to assume he was going to do it the night before, but remembered this Japanese aphorism and thought wiser. Because otherwise, there is no excuse for clipping your nails in public.

    But not all superstitions are created equal. Here are five of the dumbest old wives' tales (stupid-stitions?) ever believed.

    5.  If a friend gives you a knife, you should give him a coin, or your friendship will soon be broken.

    Who goes around giving their friends knives as presents? Or does it mean, like, if your friend passes you a knife at the dinner table, you need to give him a coin? How does that work? I'm confused. 

    4. If you clip your nails after the sun goes down, you will not have a chance to see your parents before they die.

    From now on, when some idiot is clipping his nails next to me on the subway, I'm just going to assume he was going to do it the night before, but remembered this Japanese aphorism and thought wiser. Because otherwise, there is no excuse for clipping your nails in public.

    5.  If a friend gives you a knife, you should give him a coin, or your friendship will soon be broken.


    Who goes around giving their friends knives as presents? Or does it mean, like, if your friend passes you a knife at the dinner table, you need to give him a coin? How does that work? I'm confused.


    4. If you clip your nails after the sun goes down, you will not have a chance to see your parents before they die.


    From now on, when some idiot is clipping his nails next to me on the subway, I'm just going to assume he was going to do it the night before, but remembered this Japanese aphorism and thought wiser. Because otherwise, there is no excuse for clipping your nails in public.


    3. To dream of a lizard is a sign that you have a secret enemy.


    Or maybe it's a sign that you shouldn't eat Taco Bell while watching Godzilla before bed.


    2. To refuse a kiss under mistletoe causes bad luck.


    ... I whispered to Mark Ruffalo as I dangled a sprig of mistletoe over his head.


    1. If a pregnant woman craves fish, her baby will be born with the head of a fish.


    AND THAT WOULD BE SO AWESOME. FISH-BABIES FOR EVERYONE.


    What are your favorite superstitions? Any that you actually believe? Comment, or tweet me @lizbelsky!

    Comment

  • The Night Feed

    American Thing We Love: American Flag Clothing

    In honor of Fourth of July, America's Independence Day, I'm honoring American Things We (I) Love:

    American Flag Clothing.

    Our 4th grade class had the honor/responsibility of raising and lowering the school's flag every day, and we were given very clear instructions:

    Don't drop it.
    Don't let it touch the ground.
    Don't hang it upside down.

    Here are a litany of other rules about the flag, most notably "The flag should not be used as part of a costume or athletic uniform, except that a flag patch may be used on the uniform of military personnel, firefighters, police officers, and members of patriotic organizations."

    I'm not sure how flag bikinis, shorts, do-rags and Tommy Hilfiger found the loophole here, since one might argue that having the American flag on your butt is worse than letting it drop or touch the ground, but we're all pretty glad they did, right?

    Happy Fourth of July, everyone!

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  • The Night Feed

    Louis C.K. & Bradley Cooper


    If you've seen the film American Hustle then you know how great Bradley Cooper and Louis C.K. are together - the chemistry is through the roof.


    Which makes everything put forward in the video above so great.  I won't get into it, but it's a nice little coincidence, especially considering what future had in store for them both.


    Comment

  • The Night Feed

    Pump Up the Jam


    This is silly.  I laughed.  Is that wrong?  If it's wrong, I don't wanna be right.

    Comment

  • Wainy Days

    Wet Hot American Summer Screening

    Did you guys hear the great news? There is a live Wet Hot American Summer screening in Brooklyn TONIGHT!!! Do you live in Brooklyn? Do you live near Brooklyn? If not, do you have access to a private jet/helicopter to fly you to Brooklyn? That's a shame cause this shit is going to be OFF THE HOOK!!!

    A lot of the same people who are in Wainy Days are in this movie. You know Wainy Days? Our hit web series that's also available on DVD right now! Loaded with extras, oh man, if you don't have that private jet/helicopter I suppose purchasing the DVD will do.

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