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  • The Night Feed

    Ten Great Things About Thanksgiving

    Well, it’s almost here. Thanksgiving is really, really soon, you guys. To celebrate, I made a list of the best things about Thanksgiving. I’d like to share it with you now.

    10. Folksy holiday travel pieces on NPR. On the one hand, it’s like, we get it, traffic is crazy, but they’re kind of cozy and comfortable in that they happen every year and they’re sort of universally relatable.

    9. Martellini’s Sparkling Apple Cider. I’m technically allowed to drink alcohol now, but why would I ever want to drink anything but cider?

    8. Referring to pumpkin pie as “punkin’ pie” to be funny, but also old-timey and cute.

    7. Remembering all your family’s wacky Thanksgiving stories, like the time my weird cousins and their parents got in a massive, knock-down-drag-out fight over whether Disney’s Brother Bear was a good movie.

    6. Stuffing. ‘Nuff said.

    5. Christmas music on the radio, because even if you’ve already been wearing out your holiday playlist for a month on Spotify, who cares, it’s officially Christmas music season!!!

    4. Watching the Macy’s Parade while eating some sort of yummy breakfast food your mom made (cinnamon rolls!) and getting a head start on that sweet, sweet sparkling cider consumption.

    3. The Charlie Brown balloon. He’ll never kick that football, will he?

    2. Spending the day with your family and/or chosen family, if you’re lucky enough to do so.

    1.     Third Leftovers, which is where you just fill a bowl with mashed potatoes, put a spoonful of everything else on top, and smash it all in your mouth at once while watching Miracle on 34th Street/It’s a Wonderful Life/Elf.

    Happy T. Gives, everybody!


  • The Night Feed

    Top Ten Candy Picks!

    What did you do with your hurricane? I can tell you what I did: I made a video counting down my Top Ten Candy Picks for HALLOWEEN!

    Are you so excited to trick or treat tonight? You should dress up like Batman or whatever! Watch my new video, it's a spooktacular day for HALLOWEEN!

    Seriously though guys, be safe out there and watch my video! It's at the bottom of this post! And make sure you don't get any razorblades in your candy!

    If you think you have better candy picks than the ones in my video prove it by tweeting at me, Internet! @MrChrisDonhaue


  • 11 Points

    11 Future Inventions We Want Most

    Remember all of those things that movies/books/tv shows promise us in the future?

    Food replicators. Hoverboards. Rosie The Robots. Terminators. Hunger Games.*

    Out of all the zillions of things that science fiction writers have promised us, our friends at 11 Points have decided to countdown which of those fantastic futuristic things we want most.

    We agree with everything except number 11. Because... seriously, you guys?! SERIOUSLY?!

    Also featuring special guest Kyle Anderson of Nerdist and Modern Primate!

    *See what I did there? Hunger Games references FOREVER.


  • The Night Feed

    Set List

    It seems to be de rigueur these days to improvise your stand up.  I've posted about Eric Andre developing comedy through improvisation, and Todd Barry recently released a film via Louis C.K. called "Todd Barry: The Crowd Work Tour", which was pretty damn funny.

    Anyways, I'm a big fan of this kind of stand up, and it was cool to discover Set List.  Check it out if you like seeing funny people just do stuff.


  • The Night Feed

    Things You Should Never Say To Someone Working Retail Over The Holidays

    Well, it’s November, which means one thing: the holidays are on the horizon. Errbody be buying presents, and while that might be good for the economy, it’s hell on the underpaid retail employees who have to deal with hordes of grumpy, dissatisfied customers. It’s the season of peace on earth and goodwill toward men, unless you work at the Apple Store – in which case, screw you.

    In order to help you, Gentle Reader, avoid being a total douchebag to retail associates this season, I have compiled a collection of quotes you should do your best to scrub from your vocabulary. Remember, you can dump your entire coin jar into the Salvation Army bucket, but that act of goodwill is completely canceled out by any of these sentences:  

    1. “Do you have any more in the back?”

    No, we don’t, and we probably don’t have time to go check, so unless this is something you desperately need – i.e., not a Monster High doll or a blush palette – you should probably just check online or go elsewhere.

    2. “Well, can you just go check the back?”

    Inside tip: when you tell your sales associate to “go check in the back,” they walk into the stockroom and just chat with their coworkers for about thirty seconds. Because there are never any more in the back.

    3. “What do you mean, you don’t have any more [insert Black Friday doorbuster here]?! I gave up my sleep for this?”

    You really do not want to say this to someone whose store opened at 8pm on Thanksgiving in order to sell more flatscreen TVs. Seriously, you do not want to say this. If you have any shred of human decency, you will not even think these words.

    4. “It doesn’t scan? Must be free, then!”

    The first time your cashier heard this “joke,” they laughed so hard they fell off their dinosaur.

    5. Any reference to how crazy the mall parking lot is.

    There are actually malls that require their employees to park over a mile away as to free up as many parking spaces for customers as possible. This is possibly the worst thing I’ve ever heard and I wish I were making it up but I am not.

    Got any retail rants for me? Tweet me at @lizbelsky to share.


  • The Night Feed

    Reggie Watts & His Horse

    Here is an excellent performance by Reggie Watts.  He's singing about a horse on Conan.  Really showing off his pipes on this one.  Sometimes it's tough to tell what his voice really sounds like with all of the sound manipulation he puts on it, but nothing is in doubt here: beautiful.  Just beautiful.  Tender.  Emotive.  Sexual.  Sexual?  Eh, not sexual.

    But the best part of this video is that Billy Gibbons is playing guitar!  Billy Gibbons!  Legendary guitarist and lead singer of ZZ Top.  I love that man and band.  And if you don't know anything about ZZ Top listen to Billy on WTF with Marc Marcon.  A great interview - do it up!


  • Wainy Days

    Be An Angel Today!

    Are you aware that today's (fake) national holiday is Be An Angel Day? Well, it is! So be an angel (like Henry and Mike), and treat people with the respect and compassion they need.

    For example:

    How's life guys? Pretty lame, huh? You know what? It's never going to get any better. It's always going to be a roller coaster of good AND bad times, so deal with it. You know what you can do to make it better for yourself and everyone around you? BE AN ANGEL!!! 

    Life Tip from Chris Donahue: Be An Angel Every Day!


  • The Night Feed

    The 5 Different Laughs at an Open Mic

    As a standup comedian doing the open mic circuit, I’ve heard all sorts of laughing styles. Here are the five types of laughter you’ll hear at an open mic.

    The Cackle

    The Cackle usually comes from new comics. New comics laugh at anything other comics say. They’ll keep looking back and wonder, “Why isn’t anyone else laughing at this joke about online dating?” The Cackle boosts the morale and provides some energy. But then The Cackle will come after every joke, and comics start to question if their jokes were good at all. The Cackles come few and far between.

    The Late Laugh

    The Late Laugh usually comes from the comics looking at their phone all night. They are the equivalent to a tumbleweed blowing by but without the visual gag. They wait about five seconds after the punchline to laugh. Silence is better than The Late Laugh.

    The HA

    The HA usually confirms that a joke is well-written but may be too smart for its own good.

    The Machine Gun

    The Machine Gun is a comic’s favorite weapon. Comics use it because it masks if they’re actually listening or not and fills the room with some laughter to show support. The Machine Gun is annoying as hell.

    The Groan

    There are two types of The Groan.

    The (Bad) Groan usually follows after a dad joke:

    The (Bad) Groan is unintended by the comic. It’s reserved for jokes that are so bad that the audience can’t help but groan.

    The (Good) Groan follows after a dirty, dirty set:

    The (Good) Groan is pure mana. It signifies that a joke has elevated to such an outlandish heights that audiences can’t help but groan in disgust. Comics take joy in their ability to take audiences’ imaginations to weird places. A unicorn ****ing **** a *** *** ***? That dirty magic.

    Joon Chung co-hosts Panic Attack Open Mic with Chris Donahue in NYC.


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