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It's another TVgasm Tuesday (Thursday) (sorry, guys-- hurricanes are crazy things), and I'm fighting through no power, or water, or will to live to bring TV news to you guys. It was dark times (PUNS!) for a while, there. No power meant I had to read books and eat kind of melty ice cream and pretend I was Emily Dickinson. However, now I have internet so I'm dealing with staying inside for days in the following ways: 1) watching Dance Moms online, 2) tweeting (about food mostly) 3) reading up on entertainment news. Let's see what TVgasm has to get us (me) through the aftermath of this hurricane.

This Week:

Royalty isn't any different from us mortals (except Kate Middleton who may or may not be a deity); they love celeb gossip too! Watch TVgasm's new cartoon "Gossip Queens" to hear a couple Queens dish about some crazy famous people.

So last week I wrote about the wedding of celebrity couple "TimberBiel" (still hate the name), but is there trouble in their weirdly named celebrity paradise? Click to find out!

When I think Disney, the first thing I think of is outer space, obviously, and the second thing I think is lightsabers. What? That's just me? Yeah that's what I figured. Click to read about Disney's new Star Wars movies!

Remember: If you don't have power for a while, it can sometimes help to dress up in 19th century dress and pretend you are a female poet. Don't knock it 'til you try it.

The Olympics are over, and Fall TV shows haven't started yet, so I'm assuming the only thing you're living for is TVgasm Tuesday. Well, stop crying, and get ready to have your pants blown off by all this entertainment news:

Miley Cyrus apparently cut her own hair while angry and blindfolded. Taylor Swift released a new song which (shocker) is about a past relationship, and is called something like "I'm gonna hate you forever because you're a douche canoe." Also, Robert Pattinson is still a sad panda. Are your pants blown off? good. Hold onto your eyeballs because here comes some  TVgasm.

This Week:

It's another episode of Mornin' Time! This week Fred and Quinnifer address presidential attack ads, and It. Gets. Real. Real. Quick. Go watch!

You know those women on The Price is Right who show off the prizes and don't ever blink? Well, now you can be one, even if you're a dude! Read TVgasm to find out how (and then apply because, honestly, this is a dream job).

Real Housewives have some real problems to deal with! Like "where do you store nine leopard print painted Mercedes?" And "how do you remove the scent of shame from silk?" Like a (not at all) friendly aunt or uncle, TVgasm has some advice for these ladies in this week's Dear TVgasm.

Remember: If you ever need to get the scent of shame out of silk, just use seltzer water/your own tears.

Thank God it's Tuesday, right, guys?! Is "TGIT" a thing? Whatever. I'm making it a thing right now; tell everyone you know. Sure, we're only two days into the week and the weekend is over 72 hours away... but the high point of your week is here: It's TVgasm Tuesday! Exclamation points!

This Week:

Do you love David Hasselhoff? Probably not because he's kind of the worst, but it's pretty funny to watch him attempt a German accent in the new online Lean Pockets ad campaign. Watch him subtly imply that the other actress has nothing going for her but her looks! So chivalrous!

Do you love Oprah? If you don't, you should because a) she's perf and b) she's the only person who actually has enough lady-balls to ask the Kardashian clan why they're famous. Go watch Oprah try to get the Kardashians to admit that they are, in fact, made mostly of plastic at this point.

Do you like toddlers? Do you like tiaras? Do you like when people ask you several questions in a row? TVgasm can help you determine if you're cut out for the world of pageants. Specifically, are you cut out for pageants starring children and their insane parents in this week's "Dear TVgasm?"

Remember: If you keep watching famous people on TV, you'll probably become one. (I'm assuming THAT'S what the Kardashians did to get famous.)

Do you love reality TV as much as I do? Probably not, but if your obsession is anywhere close to my own, our friends at TVgasm have you covered. As the new summer lineup of reality shows premieres, TVgasm is here for you to ensure you don't miss anything... and we at My Damn Channel are going to double down on that by ensuring you don't miss anything from TVgasm!

This week:

They checked in with a few of your (and my) favorite celebrity chefs to talk about their summer reality series. And it gets SPICY. (Pun INTENDED.)

If you're more of a Real Housewives kind of person (and let's face it: who isn't?) check out TVgasm's ReDub videos of the RHOC for a more accurate reading of what the housewives are actually saying. (HINT: Not very much.)

Last-- and BEST-- TVgasm has the scoop on everyone's favorite Toddlers and Tiaras contestant Alana, better known as Honey Boo Boo Child. She has her own spinoff this summer! I won't give away the name, but it is by far my favorite part of the whole concept.

Remember: please watch reality television safely. Remember to bathe, eat and above all, yell at the tiny people inside your TV.

It's TVgasm Tuesday! Ok The Office is over (this is the last time I will write about it, I promise, I just have a lot of emotions), and you should read this to cope with the horrible void that's been left. As you probably know, the Billboard Music Awards happened, but did you know there was an insanely awkward full minute of booing for Justin Bieber. Bieber later described the event as "not swaggy in the slightest". There was also some sass coming from Miley Cyrus and Taylor Swift, and I can't wait for the inevitable feud. Although, Taylor Swift was not in any position to judge, considering she looked like Lizzie Mcguire on picture day. That's not a euphemism they literally have the same shirt. So I don't know how to say this in a non-caps lock way but BEYONCÉ RELEASED A NEW SONG (and it's not a weird avant-garde cover of an Amy Winehouse song!).

In case you were just beginning to feel good about yourself, here's an interview of Jaden Smith proving that he's cooler than everyone, and will probably be the first person to win a rap battle on the moon. And, lastly, as a special gift to the world, Seth Macfarlane has promised to not host the Oscars next year (although I stand by my statement that he could marry me). Let's see what TVgasm has

This Week:

In addition to releasing a new song, it's being reported that Beyoncé will also be releasing a new baby into the world. JUST KIDDING. Jay-Z has denied the rumors, but really who knows at this point? I mean….Beyoncé and her uterus probably, but not the rest of the world. I just like the suspense!

Ok Lindsey Lohan is in rehab right now, and has somehow managed to start a feud. From rehab. With someone else in rehab. I guess she's been calling this woman a "drug addict" which seems…..accurate if not so creative. Click for the full story!

I know I've been excited about Anchorman 2,. so you can imagine the overreaction I had when I watched the newly released trailer. Click to here to watch for yourself, but be aware, you might poop your pants. Don't say I didn't warn you.

Remember: Pooping your pants is socially acceptable if you make a public joke about it…..ha…ha…..right? Al Roker? Anyone?

Tweet me fun poop jokes….please @Sam_The_Stone

Welcome to another TVgasm Thursday, brought to you by…..finals week and also several long flights I was on. Important things are happening. Things you should know about. Namely renewals and cancellations for next season. The New Normal has (finally, thank god) been cancelled because, I assume, people got tired of looking at Andrew Rannells' perfect Ken Doll hair. Smash has also been cancelled because, I assume, people finally realized it didn't make sense. I love you Smash, but there's only so many times a character can go to a karaoke bar, like they have to do other stuff you know?

Also, Bill Hader is leaving SNL, and The Office is ending, and everything that I love is disappearing. Let's see what TVgasm has

This Week:

Do you remember how we talked about the ridiculous amount of money The Real Housewives make? Well now they're asking for more (naturally, because replacing your entire face every five years gets expensive!). On a related note, this country is in a recession, but more importantly who can blame The Countess for wanting a few more bucks?

On a much happier note, Arrested Development has released a trailer for their new season, and it doesn't disappoint ! They're also doing some really cool marketing stuff you should check out!

Macauly Culkin, what happened to you?! You used to be adorable and hilarious and now you're…..addicted to coke? He's a party monster, but like…an actual monster. The scary kind. I'll let TVgasm give you the gritty, blonde, slightly off putting details

Remember: You too can have perfect Andrew Rannells hair, but you'll probably have to sacrifice everything else in your life

Tweet me what the next Real Housewives vacation destination should be! @Sam_the_Stone (my vote is for the jungles of Madagascar)

Welcome to another TVgasm Tuesday! Because I've made it my duty to inform the general public of pertinent and important information, I think I should tell you right away about the social event of the year, nay….the decade. It's a Honey Boo Boo wedding, y'all. If my sources are correct the theme will be "The Victorian Era" and it will take place at Buckinham Palace where Queen Elizabeth will be the ring bearer/flower girl. Do you want to feel bad about yourself!? Of course you do! Go read about how much more money The Real Housewives make than you.  I mean sure, I haven't bought groceries in a few weeks, but it makes sense that these women get paid millions of dollars for drinking white wine and fake laughing all day. 

Ok this one actually cheered me up a little bit after my post Real Housewives-rage: Justin Bieber reportedly got attacked/humped/hugged while on stage at a concert in Dubai. Ah to be a young desperate horny Justin Bieber fan in Dubai! Oh…just kidding that actually sounds like the worst. And last, but most certainly not least, it's now being reported that Steve Carrel will for sure be returning for the series finale of the Office! What are these feelings I'm feeling? Happy, horribly depressed, lonely, ecstatic? Let's see what TVgasm has

This Week:

Joe Francis could face up to five years in jail for assaulting some women after taking them to his home. Who would have thought the creator of "Girl Gone Wild" wouldn't have respect for women?!

Do you guys remember Fantasia Barrino? She won American Idol at some point, and then she probably did some other stuff (like the Wendy Williams Show, and The Color Purple). Let's find out together what her deal is!

Please tell me you've been following the Lindsey Lohan going to rehab drama. First she was going, and then she wasn't going, and now she's there….but for how long? My guess is she'll somehow take over the rehab facility in some kind of Lord of the Flies type drama. 

Remember: If you're ever in need of money, put on some press-on nails, dye your skin fluorescent orange, and wait for Bravo to arrive to start taping you

Tweet me your Honey Boo Boo wedding vows @Sam_The_Stone

It's another TVgasm Tuesday! Did you know Zach Braff is back and at it again? What a rascal! He started (and then like four days and 2 million dollars later successfully ended) a Kickstarter campaign for his new movie "Wish I Was Here". The film is a follow up to "Garden State", and by that I mean I will fall asleep watching it. In much more exciting news the Mad Men writers are working on a new show centered around NASA in the 60's, and, if they follow the hundreds of suggestions I've sent in, centered around Joan Harris and Adam West as Batman.

It's being reported that NBC has ordered what has been described (by me right now) as possibly the most terrifying gameshow concept ever called Million Second Quiz. I'll let you read the details yourself, but as I understand it, the show's premise is imprisoning people in a giant hourglass for 24 hours straight which is…..somehow legal. I've also heard that Fox has secured the rights to do a remake of "Guys and Dolls" so, aging gay men and my mom, rejoice! Let's see what TVgasm has

This Week:

Good news, no one! Martha Stewart is now on Match.com, so if doilies and veiled passive aggression is your thing, gird your loins because Martha Stewart is coming for you with a vengeance. 

Do you remember Tara Reid? She had a deep smoky voice that some have described as "grossers" and "yucky", and she was in Van Wilder and American Pie 1-19 and probably some other stuff, but I refuse to wikipedia it on principle. Anyways, she recently played the "do you know who I am" card, and it didn't turn out so well. Click for the full story!

Teen Mom Farrah has released a certain illicit tape. An illicit tape that is adult and illicit. (IT'S A NAKED TAPE. SHE RELEASED A NAKED TAPE). Click to get the all the illicit details. 

Remember: If NBC tries to kidnap you during the night to be on the new gameshow, don't try to be a hero

Tweet me lines from Martha Stewarts Match.com bio @Sam_the_stone