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Thank God it's Tuesday, right, guys?! Is "TGIT" a thing? Whatever. I'm making it a thing right now; tell everyone you know. Sure, we're only two days into the week and the weekend is over 72 hours away... but the high point of your week is here: It's TVgasm Tuesday! Exclamation points!

This Week:

Do you love David Hasselhoff? Probably not because he's kind of the worst, but it's pretty funny to watch him attempt a German accent in the new online Lean Pockets ad campaign. Watch him subtly imply that the other actress has nothing going for her but her looks! So chivalrous!

Do you love Oprah? If you don't, you should because a) she's perf and b) she's the only person who actually has enough lady-balls to ask the Kardashian clan why they're famous. Go watch Oprah try to get the Kardashians to admit that they are, in fact, made mostly of plastic at this point.

Do you like toddlers? Do you like tiaras? Do you like when people ask you several questions in a row? TVgasm can help you determine if you're cut out for the world of pageants. Specifically, are you cut out for pageants starring children and their insane parents in this week's "Dear TVgasm?"

Remember: If you keep watching famous people on TV, you'll probably become one. (I'm assuming THAT'S what the Kardashians did to get famous.)

Do you love reality TV as much as I do? Probably not, but if your obsession is anywhere close to my own, our friends at TVgasm have you covered. As the new summer lineup of reality shows premieres, TVgasm is here for you to ensure you don't miss anything... and we at My Damn Channel are going to double down on that by ensuring you don't miss anything from TVgasm!

This week:

They checked in with a few of your (and my) favorite celebrity chefs to talk about their summer reality series. And it gets SPICY. (Pun INTENDED.)

If you're more of a Real Housewives kind of person (and let's face it: who isn't?) check out TVgasm's ReDub videos of the RHOC for a more accurate reading of what the housewives are actually saying. (HINT: Not very much.)

Last-- and BEST-- TVgasm has the scoop on everyone's favorite Toddlers and Tiaras contestant Alana, better known as Honey Boo Boo Child. She has her own spinoff this summer! I won't give away the name, but it is by far my favorite part of the whole concept.

Remember: please watch reality television safely. Remember to bathe, eat and above all, yell at the tiny people inside your TV.

Live* from New York... it's TVgasm Tuesday! This week, for some reason, almost every piece of news somehow deals with SNL alumni, so let's find out together how many SNL jokes I can fit into this post (my guess is zero jokes, maybe ONE joke at the most, so don't get your hopes up). First up, arguably the most loved SNL alumna, Tina Fey, talked with GQ Magazine about her new movie, Admission, and, also arguably, stole my heart. 

Reports surfaced that SNL head writer Seth Meyers may be in line to take over Jimmy Fallon's late night slot, though this decision is based on the assumption that Fallon will be  take over for Leno, and that Leno will peaceably leave the studio and not try to organize some kind of occupy protest. We already know Will Ferrell and Kristin Wiig are working together on Anchorman 2, but did you know they may be working on an indie comedy called Welcome to Me? I didn't know that, but I'm ready to throw all of my money at a movie screen in order to watch it. Sorry guys, those SNL jokes really got away from me, I'm not a machine; I'm not a magician! Let's see what TVgasm has for us:

This Week:

Are you following Amanda Bynes on Twitter? Honestly, you should follow her because she has produced some quality content and I can't wait to see what's in store for her future! Click to read some of the highlights!

There's a lot of B.S. floating around out there: The Kardashians, Tim Tebow... so much that I can't keep track of all the malarkey. Let TVgasm help you navigate through it all by featuring the "B.S. of the Day!" Click here to watch.

Remember: No matter what Amanda Bynes tweets at you (*cough Drake cough*, DON'T try to murder her lady parts. It's a trap!

Tweet me your best Amanda Bynes impression @Sam_the_stone

*Not at all live in any way

Welcome to another TVgasm Thursday, brought to you by…..finals week and also several long flights I was on. Important things are happening. Things you should know about. Namely renewals and cancellations for next season. The New Normal has (finally, thank god) been cancelled because, I assume, people got tired of looking at Andrew Rannells' perfect Ken Doll hair. Smash has also been cancelled because, I assume, people finally realized it didn't make sense. I love you Smash, but there's only so many times a character can go to a karaoke bar, like they have to do other stuff you know?

Also, Bill Hader is leaving SNL, and The Office is ending, and everything that I love is disappearing. Let's see what TVgasm has

This Week:

Do you remember how we talked about the ridiculous amount of money The Real Housewives make? Well now they're asking for more (naturally, because replacing your entire face every five years gets expensive!). On a related note, this country is in a recession, but more importantly who can blame The Countess for wanting a few more bucks?

On a much happier note, Arrested Development has released a trailer for their new season, and it doesn't disappoint ! They're also doing some really cool marketing stuff you should check out!

Macauly Culkin, what happened to you?! You used to be adorable and hilarious and now you're…..addicted to coke? He's a party monster, but like…an actual monster. The scary kind. I'll let TVgasm give you the gritty, blonde, slightly off putting details

Remember: You too can have perfect Andrew Rannells hair, but you'll probably have to sacrifice everything else in your life

Tweet me what the next Real Housewives vacation destination should be! @Sam_the_Stone (my vote is for the jungles of Madagascar)

Welcome to another TVgasm Tuesday! Because I've made it my duty to inform the general public of pertinent and important information, I think I should tell you right away about the social event of the year, nay….the decade. It's a Honey Boo Boo wedding, y'all. If my sources are correct the theme will be "The Victorian Era" and it will take place at Buckinham Palace where Queen Elizabeth will be the ring bearer/flower girl. Do you want to feel bad about yourself!? Of course you do! Go read about how much more money The Real Housewives make than you.  I mean sure, I haven't bought groceries in a few weeks, but it makes sense that these women get paid millions of dollars for drinking white wine and fake laughing all day. 

Ok this one actually cheered me up a little bit after my post Real Housewives-rage: Justin Bieber reportedly got attacked/humped/hugged while on stage at a concert in Dubai. Ah to be a young desperate horny Justin Bieber fan in Dubai! Oh…just kidding that actually sounds like the worst. And last, but most certainly not least, it's now being reported that Steve Carrel will for sure be returning for the series finale of the Office! What are these feelings I'm feeling? Happy, horribly depressed, lonely, ecstatic? Let's see what TVgasm has

This Week:

Joe Francis could face up to five years in jail for assaulting some women after taking them to his home. Who would have thought the creator of "Girl Gone Wild" wouldn't have respect for women?!

Do you guys remember Fantasia Barrino? She won American Idol at some point, and then she probably did some other stuff (like the Wendy Williams Show, and The Color Purple). Let's find out together what her deal is!

Please tell me you've been following the Lindsey Lohan going to rehab drama. First she was going, and then she wasn't going, and now she's there….but for how long? My guess is she'll somehow take over the rehab facility in some kind of Lord of the Flies type drama. 

Remember: If you're ever in need of money, put on some press-on nails, dye your skin fluorescent orange, and wait for Bravo to arrive to start taping you

Tweet me your Honey Boo Boo wedding vows @Sam_The_Stone

It's TVgasm Tuesday once again and it seems like 2013 is quickly becoming the year of the heartbreaking series finale -- The Office shot its final episode a few days ago, and, predictably, I did not leave my bed that day. Thankfully, the internet came to my rescue and provided me with hours of The Office nostalgia like this beautiful photo.

Also, a sign-in list from the first day of auditions was posted AND if you aren't already crying, Steve Carell was on the Nerdist podcast (he doesn't really talk about The Office that much, but it's just comforting to hear his voice).

Other things that are a big deal: Beyoncé released a new single, appropriately named "Bow Down", which is exactly what I did the first time I heard it. Emma Watson could possibly be doing a movie version of 50 Shades of Gray, which is….porn….right? It has to be just porn, like what else is that book about besides sex? It's fine, I'm just saying let's call it what it is, so horny mothers of five know exactly what they're getting when they go see it. On that note, let's see what TVgasm has...

This Week:

As usual Oprah has hopped on a bandwagon, like, five weeks too late. She's released a Harlem Shake video, go check TVgasm out for all the details. Maybe she'll discover Nyan Cat in a couple years. Oprah iz a n00b, L0L.

Lindsay Lohan is in the news again, this time not for killing a couple clown hookers, but because she feels feels bullied by Justin Bieber. Well, I have some news for you Ms. Lohan, we've all felt personally victimized by Justin Bieber at one time or another. It's time to wipe up your mascara, build a bridge out of all your money, and get over it.

Did you know Lil Wayne was in the hospital? I did not, but apparently it was pretty serious, but he's fine now and all's well that ends well. Check out TVgasm for the full story!

Remember: The ending of TV series is a perfectly valid excuse to sit in bed all day and eat 3500 calories….so I hear….from my friends….who did that.

Tweet me quotes from the office and I will respond with a quote from the same episode FROM MEMORY. @Sam_the_stone

It's another TVgasm Tuesday, and did you guys know that the Grammys are a thing!? They are, go check them out. Also, Beyoncé did another interview with Vogue just to make sure everyone knows that she's flawless, which you should watch obviously. If these both didn't make you happy, the newly announced Netflix-Dreamworks animation series should at least make you giggle a little bit to yourself. Dreamworks never disappoints. Overall, I'd say it's been a solid week. Let's see what TVgasm has...

This Week:

Did you guys catch SNL last Saturday? Go check out their latest Bravo parody shows, and lets all countdown the days until Bravo actually starts taping The Real Houseplants of Beverly Hills.

It's getting to be that dreaded time of the year: Valentine's Day. Luckily, TVgasm has the rundown on celebrity relationships to distract you from your crippling loneliness and self-loathing. Thanks, TVgasm!

Amanda Bynes, look at your life. Look at your choices. Before you try to start twitter beef, try to remember that you're an adult (probably). Check out TVgasm for the entire story.

Remember: If you don't have anyone this Valentine's Day, try to forget about how terribly alone you are, and eat some chocolate your mom bought you.

@Sam_The_Stone

It's another TVgasm Tuesday (Thursday) (sorry, guys-- hurricanes are crazy things), and I'm fighting through no power, or water, or will to live to bring TV news to you guys. It was dark times (PUNS!) for a while, there. No power meant I had to read books and eat kind of melty ice cream and pretend I was Emily Dickinson. However, now I have internet so I'm dealing with staying inside for days in the following ways: 1) watching Dance Moms online, 2) tweeting (about food mostly) 3) reading up on entertainment news. Let's see what TVgasm has to get us (me) through the aftermath of this hurricane.

This Week:

Royalty isn't any different from us mortals (except Kate Middleton who may or may not be a deity); they love celeb gossip too! Watch TVgasm's new cartoon "Gossip Queens" to hear a couple Queens dish about some crazy famous people.

So last week I wrote about the wedding of celebrity couple "TimberBiel" (still hate the name), but is there trouble in their weirdly named celebrity paradise? Click to find out!

When I think Disney, the first thing I think of is outer space, obviously, and the second thing I think is lightsabers. What? That's just me? Yeah that's what I figured. Click to read about Disney's new Star Wars movies!

Remember: If you don't have power for a while, it can sometimes help to dress up in 19th century dress and pretend you are a female poet. Don't knock it 'til you try it.