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Thank God it's Tuesday, right, guys?! Is "TGIT" a thing? Whatever. I'm making it a thing right now; tell everyone you know. Sure, we're only two days into the week and the weekend is over 72 hours away... but the high point of your week is here: It's TVgasm Tuesday! Exclamation points!

This Week:

Do you love David Hasselhoff? Probably not because he's kind of the worst, but it's pretty funny to watch him attempt a German accent in the new online Lean Pockets ad campaign. Watch him subtly imply that the other actress has nothing going for her but her looks! So chivalrous!

Do you love Oprah? If you don't, you should because a) she's perf and b) she's the only person who actually has enough lady-balls to ask the Kardashian clan why they're famous. Go watch Oprah try to get the Kardashians to admit that they are, in fact, made mostly of plastic at this point.

Do you like toddlers? Do you like tiaras? Do you like when people ask you several questions in a row? TVgasm can help you determine if you're cut out for the world of pageants. Specifically, are you cut out for pageants starring children and their insane parents in this week's "Dear TVgasm?"

Remember: If you keep watching famous people on TV, you'll probably become one. (I'm assuming THAT'S what the Kardashians did to get famous.)

Do you love reality TV as much as I do? Probably not, but if your obsession is anywhere close to my own, our friends at TVgasm have you covered. As the new summer lineup of reality shows premieres, TVgasm is here for you to ensure you don't miss anything... and we at My Damn Channel are going to double down on that by ensuring you don't miss anything from TVgasm!

This week:

They checked in with a few of your (and my) favorite celebrity chefs to talk about their summer reality series. And it gets SPICY. (Pun INTENDED.)

If you're more of a Real Housewives kind of person (and let's face it: who isn't?) check out TVgasm's ReDub videos of the RHOC for a more accurate reading of what the housewives are actually saying. (HINT: Not very much.)

Last-- and BEST-- TVgasm has the scoop on everyone's favorite Toddlers and Tiaras contestant Alana, better known as Honey Boo Boo Child. She has her own spinoff this summer! I won't give away the name, but it is by far my favorite part of the whole concept.

Remember: please watch reality television safely. Remember to bathe, eat and above all, yell at the tiny people inside your TV.

The Olympics are over, and Fall TV shows haven't started yet, so I'm assuming the only thing you're living for is TVgasm Tuesday. Well, stop crying, and get ready to have your pants blown off by all this entertainment news:

Miley Cyrus apparently cut her own hair while angry and blindfolded. Taylor Swift released a new song which (shocker) is about a past relationship, and is called something like "I'm gonna hate you forever because you're a douche canoe." Also, Robert Pattinson is still a sad panda. Are your pants blown off? good. Hold onto your eyeballs because here comes some  TVgasm.

This Week:

It's another episode of Mornin' Time! This week Fred and Quinnifer address presidential attack ads, and It. Gets. Real. Real. Quick. Go watch!

You know those women on The Price is Right who show off the prizes and don't ever blink? Well, now you can be one, even if you're a dude! Read TVgasm to find out how (and then apply because, honestly, this is a dream job).

Real Housewives have some real problems to deal with! Like "where do you store nine leopard print painted Mercedes?" And "how do you remove the scent of shame from silk?" Like a (not at all) friendly aunt or uncle, TVgasm has some advice for these ladies in this week's Dear TVgasm.

Remember: If you ever need to get the scent of shame out of silk, just use seltzer water/your own tears.

It's TVgasm Tuesday once again and it seems like 2013 is quickly becoming the year of the heartbreaking series finale -- The Office shot its final episode a few days ago, and, predictably, I did not leave my bed that day. Thankfully, the internet came to my rescue and provided me with hours of The Office nostalgia like this beautiful photo.

Also, a sign-in list from the first day of auditions was posted AND if you aren't already crying, Steve Carell was on the Nerdist podcast (he doesn't really talk about The Office that much, but it's just comforting to hear his voice).

Other things that are a big deal: Beyoncé released a new single, appropriately named "Bow Down", which is exactly what I did the first time I heard it. Emma Watson could possibly be doing a movie version of 50 Shades of Gray, which is….porn….right? It has to be just porn, like what else is that book about besides sex? It's fine, I'm just saying let's call it what it is, so horny mothers of five know exactly what they're getting when they go see it. On that note, let's see what TVgasm has...

This Week:

As usual Oprah has hopped on a bandwagon, like, five weeks too late. She's released a Harlem Shake video, go check TVgasm out for all the details. Maybe she'll discover Nyan Cat in a couple years. Oprah iz a n00b, L0L.

Lindsay Lohan is in the news again, this time not for killing a couple clown hookers, but because she feels feels bullied by Justin Bieber. Well, I have some news for you Ms. Lohan, we've all felt personally victimized by Justin Bieber at one time or another. It's time to wipe up your mascara, build a bridge out of all your money, and get over it.

Did you know Lil Wayne was in the hospital? I did not, but apparently it was pretty serious, but he's fine now and all's well that ends well. Check out TVgasm for the full story!

Remember: The ending of TV series is a perfectly valid excuse to sit in bed all day and eat 3500 calories….so I hear….from my friends….who did that.

Tweet me quotes from the office and I will respond with a quote from the same episode FROM MEMORY. @Sam_the_stone

Welcome to another TVgasm Tuesday, let's just go ahead and get right down to business, we have a lot to cover today. Did you know Taylor Swift released a new album? If you live within a 4 mile radius of human civilization, the answer is most likely yes. But did you know most of Taylor Swift's album is about guys breaking up with Taylor Swift?….well yeah I guess you probably did. In other news, Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel are getting married, and will, I assume, eventually have perfect little angel-babies that will each be born with a full set of abs and more charisma than I will ever be able to muster. Unfortunately their given couple name is "TimberBiel" which kind of sounds like the name for five different Ikea nightstands. Don't focus on that, focus on the perfect angel-babies, and let's check out TVgasm:

This week:

If any of you undecided voters needed help during this trying election, Honey Boo Boo is officially an Obama supporter. Of course, directly after she gave her endorsement she bounced on a couch for several minutes, and then dunked her entire hand into a glass of water, so…make of that what you will. Watch the entire clip over at TVgasm!

Is Community on again yet? No? C'mon NBC get your shit together. How about we cut hour seven of the Today show, you know the one that's just Al Roker making puns straight to the camera, and air some community then? In the mean time, I'll have to tide myself over with this video over at TVgasm, go watch!

Have you been keeping up with Abby's Ultimate Dance Competition? If you haven't been watching, it's a spin-off of Dance Moms, and TVgasm has the recap to catch you up. Go read it, so we can talk about it, because no one I know watches it, and I am dying slowly.

Remember: Life is not reality TV. As every angry girl on reality TV will tell you "THIS IS NOT A BEST FRIEND MAKING CONTEST", and real life is basically the opposite. 

I hope you've fully digested from your Thanksgiving dinner(which you probably Instagrammmed the shit out of), because you're about to get a giant helping of TVgasm Tuesday! Obviously the first thing we have to talk about it the upcoming Beyonce movie. I think it's safe to say that the entire world is not ready for that jelly. I always get a little bummed out after talking about Beyonce; how can I ever compare? I'll probably just look at this Worst Dressed List to make myself feel better, and of course check out TVgasm

This week:

We've all been waiting for weeks, and it finally happened: Lindsay Lohan's "Liz & Dick" finally premiered on Lifetime. Shockingly it was pretty terrible, and everyone watched it. TVgasm has the scoop on all things "Liz & Dick"

Confession time: I've never seen Basketball Wives. I know, I know, it's ridiculous, and I should be ashamed. As I understand it, the show's about women married to basketball players, and not women married to basketballs, as I originally thought. Why in the world would these women ever need more money? TVgasm has the full story.

Anyone who stays up every Saturday for SNL will know Stefon, Weekend Update's club correspondent played by Bill Hader who always seems like he's on some kind of amphetamine. Click to watch an Interview with Hader all about his writing process and development with Stefon!

Remember: People will watch almost anything on Lifetime, especially if the word Dick is in the title.

It's another TVgasm Tuesday! Did you know Zach Braff is back and at it again? What a rascal! He started (and then like four days and 2 million dollars later successfully ended) a Kickstarter campaign for his new movie "Wish I Was Here". The film is a follow up to "Garden State", and by that I mean I will fall asleep watching it. In much more exciting news the Mad Men writers are working on a new show centered around NASA in the 60's, and, if they follow the hundreds of suggestions I've sent in, centered around Joan Harris and Adam West as Batman.

It's being reported that NBC has ordered what has been described (by me right now) as possibly the most terrifying gameshow concept ever called Million Second Quiz. I'll let you read the details yourself, but as I understand it, the show's premise is imprisoning people in a giant hourglass for 24 hours straight which is…..somehow legal. I've also heard that Fox has secured the rights to do a remake of "Guys and Dolls" so, aging gay men and my mom, rejoice! Let's see what TVgasm has

This Week:

Good news, no one! Martha Stewart is now on Match.com, so if doilies and veiled passive aggression is your thing, gird your loins because Martha Stewart is coming for you with a vengeance. 

Do you remember Tara Reid? She had a deep smoky voice that some have described as "grossers" and "yucky", and she was in Van Wilder and American Pie 1-19 and probably some other stuff, but I refuse to wikipedia it on principle. Anyways, she recently played the "do you know who I am" card, and it didn't turn out so well. Click for the full story!

Teen Mom Farrah has released a certain illicit tape. An illicit tape that is adult and illicit. (IT'S A NAKED TAPE. SHE RELEASED A NAKED TAPE). Click to get the all the illicit details. 

Remember: If NBC tries to kidnap you during the night to be on the new gameshow, don't try to be a hero

Tweet me lines from Martha Stewarts Match.com bio @Sam_the_stone

It's another TVgasm Tuesday, and did you guys know that the Grammys are a thing!? They are, go check them out. Also, Beyoncé did another interview with Vogue just to make sure everyone knows that she's flawless, which you should watch obviously. If these both didn't make you happy, the newly announced Netflix-Dreamworks animation series should at least make you giggle a little bit to yourself. Dreamworks never disappoints. Overall, I'd say it's been a solid week. Let's see what TVgasm has...

This Week:

Did you guys catch SNL last Saturday? Go check out their latest Bravo parody shows, and lets all countdown the days until Bravo actually starts taping The Real Houseplants of Beverly Hills.

It's getting to be that dreaded time of the year: Valentine's Day. Luckily, TVgasm has the rundown on celebrity relationships to distract you from your crippling loneliness and self-loathing. Thanks, TVgasm!

Amanda Bynes, look at your life. Look at your choices. Before you try to start twitter beef, try to remember that you're an adult (probably). Check out TVgasm for the entire story.

Remember: If you don't have anyone this Valentine's Day, try to forget about how terribly alone you are, and eat some chocolate your mom bought you.

@Sam_The_Stone