, Posted on 9/4/2012 by
It's TVgasm Tuesday again and just in time. It looks like the country is falling apart right now: Clint Eastwood is talking to a chair, Tom Cruise is auditioning women to be his wife, and the Republican National Convention just happened, so we're all still trying to cope. Luckily, I, accompanied as always by the folks at TVgasm, am here again to help America deal while it's going though it's very own "Hot Mess Phase".
Listen America, first things first, we need to stop paying Kim Kardashian to do nothing. She recently got boatloads of money from the Gap/Old Navy lawsuit, and, let's be honest, she probably doesn't actually need any more money. So, here's my advice, world: stop being obsessed with Kim; I guarantee it will improve your life. It might even stop global warming, who knows?
Oh, and another thing: can we all agree collectively not to mourn the loss of Jersey Shore? Since this upcoming season will be their last, maybe we finally get over these loud Guidos and move on with our lives. We can do this, Internet. Let's make a clean break
Lastly, I love Betty White as much as the next guy. Maybe more than the next guy, actually, but come on, we can't let her do Obama's intro at the DNC, if for no other reason than Betty White is a goddess and we have to uphold the separation of church and state. Also, she might start having a conversation with a table or something, and I could not handle that.
Remember: If you want to help America out, write a mildly aggressive blog post. Mild aggression can change the world.