In honor of today's Golden Globe nominations and yesterday's release of the AskMen.com's list of the top 99 Most Desirable Women in the World, I'm going to make a top ten list of my most desirable Golden Globe nominees. The only criteria is that I, DannyMoney, desire them in some way, shape, or form-- and not necessarily in a sexual way (but it CAN be!).
10) The Tiger from Life of Pi - Because I want a tiger. Who DOESN'T want a tiger? I desire a damned tiger immediately.
9) Joaquin Phoenix in The Master - I wouldn't mind crawling into Joaquin's character's head in The Master for a couple of hours. The guy is so unbalanced I think it'd be like tripping on acid or PCP. It seems so gnarly; I bet it would be one helluva ride - like riding the snake to Valhalla! Plus, he has sex with a "sand castle woman," and that's on my bucket list already, so I could just kill two birds with one stone.
8) The 13th Amendment in Lincoln - Love this damned amendment. It outlawed slavery! What could possibly be more desirable than freedom? To posses the 13th Amendment is to possess freedom itself! Think about it! Think of the caché! I'd be rolling down the street with the 13th Amendment in my jeans. "Oh, damn, Dan's looking really good today!" "Yeah man, he has FREEDOM in his pocket." Game changer.
7) Girls - This is the life I need! I just wanna go to warehouse parties in Brooklyn, have casual sex with beautiful people, go to impromptu weddings, get money from my parents, perform full-frontal nudity whenevs, enjoy a virtually instantaneous subway ride from Manhattan to Brooklyn, and drink and drug my way through life while simultaneously questioning my existence even though I'm only 25 years old. Party!
6) Osama Bin Laden's head, Zero Dark Thirty - I haven't seen this movie, but I'm assuming the ending is Jessica Chastain holding up Osama Bin Laden's head. Then again, I guess we got this in real life (America!) so I can cross this one off.
5) The world of Moonrise Kingdom - Saying I want to live in this world is basically saying I want to live inside Wes Anderson's mind. What a cool imagination he has! I wish the real world was more like a Wes Anderson movie: cool tunes always playing, Bill Murray hanging out everywhere you go, riding trains through India. That'd be so boss. I bet Mark Malkoff wishes he lived in Wes Anderson's world - he and Bill Murray would have lunch every day.
4) Jennifer Lawrence in Silver Linings Playbook - Yes, I desire her. Now, AskMen.com had her ranked as number one on their list, and I can't agree with that as long as Bar Rafaeli is alive. Still, Lawrence's character in Silver Linings Playbook was pretty awesome. She has so much spunk! She dances her butt off! But I wanted to care for her character, too. She'd had it rough. I really wanted to be there for her so I guess what I really desire is….
3) To be Bradley Cooper's character in Silver Linings Playbook - Sure, the character is crazy, but who cares?! He gets Jennifer Lawrence in that flick - and his dad is Robert DeNiro, AND he's friends with Chris Tucker. Granted, he's a Philadelphia Eagles fan and that sucks (since I'm a New York Giants fan and, you know, a human with a soul), but I guess if I were Bradley Cooper's Silver Linings character, I wouldn't even know that the Eagles suck. Basically, to quote Ace Ventura: "If you were me, then I'd be you, and I'd use YOUR body to get to the top. You can't stop me no matter who you are!"
2) "On My Own" from Les Misérables - Hands down, this is one of the most moving songs of all-time. I love it. I listen to it daily. The emotion is just so… coupled with the melody… the sentiment… the imagery… Oh, I can't take it! Just cue it up!
1) Ben Affleck's beard in Argo - This is a perfect beard. It's so subtle you don't even realize at first how balanced it is, how nuanced. You see, Affleck knows the mustache is the commander of the beard. He allows the mustache to command his beard, yet, like any good leader, the mustache knows it's only as good as the sum of its parts. Therefore, the mustache sits back just a bit to let the rest of the beard get more attention. Thus achieving balance and attaining perfection. Watch out Whisker Wars: Affleck is in town.
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